by KMom
Copyright © 2000-2009 KMom@Vireday.Com. All rights reserved.
This FAQ last updated: June 2009
DISCLAIMER: The information on this website is not intended and should not be construed as medical advice. Consult your health provider.
BBW Birth Story Pages
BBW Birth Stories:
Vaginal Birth After Cesarean Stories
CONTENTS
Over the years, many women have requested a section for birth stories of plus-sized moms.
Women of size often come into pregnancy with so many fears imposed on them by others that it's important to have reassurance that other large women have indeed done this before.
Pregnancy books and most websites do not fulfill this need; mostly they are filled with warnings about "obesity" and pregnancy, admonitions not to get pregnant until you lose weight, dire predictions of disastrous pregnancies filled with complications, or horror stories designed to scare you into weight loss compliance.
Although there are many birth stories online, most are of women of average-size. While these are also helpful to read, many women of size have longed for a collection of stories of just plus-sized pregnancy----birth in all its beauty, and birth in all its variety in women of size. It is so important for us to see that many of our fat sisters have traveled this journey before us.
This is a collection of BBW (Big Beautiful Women) Birth Stories collected by Kmom over the years. Stories have been separated into various categories (vaginal birth, c-sections, twins, VBACs, etc.). Because some stories fit more than one category, many will repeat on different pages. Some stories are already up on the web in a more complete form elsewhere; with the mother's permission, Kmom has linked to these sites and urges readers to click on the link and read the more complete story.
Unless specifically requested, all identifying information has been removed or changed to protect the privacy of the participants.
All stories are copyrighted; none may be used elsewhere without specific written permission from both Kmom and the mother involved.
This particular FAQ presents the stories of big moms who have had VBACs; that is, gone on to vaginal birth despite previous cesarean births.
The cesarean rate in "obese" women is very high, in most cases unnecessarily so. (Click here for a brief discussion of the factors that lead to a high cesarean rate in large women.) But having given birth previously by cesarean does not mean you must always do so.
Research does show that women of size are given fewer opportunities for a VBAC 'trial of labor', and therefore have a much higher rate of repeat elective cesareans, despite the greater risks that cesareans pose for large women. Many big moms who have sought a VBAC have reported strong resistance and discouragement from health personnel they have consulted, or have faced strongly restrictive VBAC 'protocols' that have essentially prevented them from having a fair chance at VBAC. There is a lot of room for improvement in the health community's attitude towards VBACs, and particularly in their attitudes towards big moms and VBACs!
Yet for those large moms who carefully prepare both physically and emotionally, who research birthing issues thoroughly, and who choose their care providers and birth support judiciously, the journey towards a better birth can be extraordinarily rewarding and therapeutic. Many VBAC moms (particularly those who have struggled with weight and body image issues) report that they have found their VBAC journeys very empowering and ultimately, very healing. The VBAC journey can be a very special one.
This special section of Vaginal Birth After Cesarean (VBAC) stories is particularly dear to Kmom's heart. After having 2 cesareans herself and then 2 VBACs, she is personally familiar with the journey towards normal birth, and the struggles that can happen in that journey along the way.
In addition, in her work with plus-sized women and in her reading of research on obesity and pregnancy, she has seen over and over again how often large women are pushed into interventions that lead to unnecessary cesareans. This FAQ is healing in that it shows that many of these interventions are NOT necessary, and that normal birth is possible for the vast majority of us, no matter our history or size.
Kmom has an area on her website devoted to Cesareans and VBACs. You will find a great deal of information and research about VBACs there. If you are contemplating a VBAC, you may especially wish to visit the FAQ on Great VBAC Resources, or any of the other VBAC FAQs in that section. Keep checking back, as many new FAQs will be added over time.
You may also want to check out the following articles for tips on lowering your chances of a cesarean and on raising your chances of a VBAC as a woman of size:
The purpose of this special BBW VBAC Stories web section is to show that fat women CAN and HAVE had VBACs, that many VBACs occur despite all kinds of negative attitudes and interference from family and medical personnel, and to show that the VBAC journey can be a powerful passage to healing and empowerment for fat women.
There are many other BBW VBAC stories out there that are not represented here yet; Kmom strongly encourages big moms everywhere to share their VBAC stories here.
More stories will be added over time, so keep checking back if you are interested in reading further stories. If you are interested in sharing your birth story, click here for more information, birth story format, and submission guidelines.
New birth stories are always welcome; Kmom updates the birth stories FAQs about once a year so be patient for your story to show up. If you do submit your story, please carefully follow the format and directions given in order to shorten the amount of work involved for Kmom. Kmom's family will thank you!
Note: Women with a history of cesareans may find the ICAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network) organization helpful. This group provides support and information for women who have had cesareans in the past, those who may be facing cesareans in the future (first-time or repeat), those who have had any kind of difficult birth, and those seeking a VBAC. Although the group is definitely pro-VBAC, women who simply need support after a cesarean or require information about ways to make a necessary cesarean more birth-friendly are also welcome. Information on joining ICAN's email support group can be found at www.ican-online.org.
Most moms will recognize most of these terms, but women new to reading about childbirth may be puzzled by some of the terms and abbreviations used in these stories. This section briefly defines some of these in order to help women understand the stories better.
Kmom's Notes:
Birth Story
My experience with delivering my second child as a VBAC was as follows: I was 13 days past my due date and getting desperate. I had taken 2 bottles of castor oil a couple of ounces at a time with no effect other than totally cleaning me out intestinally. My OB, who was very supportive of me throughout this pregnancy (never a mention of my weight, very supportive of my desire to VBAC), was ready to induce when I finally went into spontaneous labor after a couple of nights of prodromal labor. I labored at home for about 3 hours, waiting for my husband to come home from work. When my contractions were coming about 5 minutes apart, we left our 3 year old son with my brother-in-law and his 2 year old boy.
My sister (a labor and delivery nurse), my husband and I headed for the hospital. I was 3 cm. dilated and partially effaced when I arrived at approximately 5 p.m. I was installed in a birthing suite. I was asked if an enema would be OK and I said yes, but turned down the option of being shaved. I felt good that my opinion was sought in these matters. When I was at about a 5 cm. dilation I asked for an epidural. I had had an epidural with my older son, who turned out to be a c-section following 26 hours of very dysfunctional labor. That epidural was fully effective, no problems getting it in, no nasty comments from the anesthesiologist, etc. This time the epidural went in fine but was only fully effective on my left side. The right side would be numb for a period of time, then would "wake up" prematurely. I kept the anesthesiologist busy trying to keep my right side numb, too. I was pretty comfortable from about 5 cm. to 7.5-8 cm. when they allowed the epidural to begin to wear off in anticipation of pushing. I was using Lamaze breathing and my husband and sister were taking turns coaching me (this was early morning hours by now, so they were both tired and standing in for each other).
Just a few minutes after I had been checked at 8 cm. I was having some pretty incredible urges to push, so my husband asked that I be checked again. To the nurse's surprise, I had gone from an 8 to a 10 in less than 10 minutes and was ready to push. I don't know why, but it never occurred to me that once ready to push I wouldn't just push that baby right out, which was what I did. After only 20 minutes of pushing, my 8 lb. 5 oz. son Christopher was born. My total labor time was about 14 hours, which is average for a first vaginal delivery. I did have an episiotomy, but my OB didn't just cut me as a matter of course. He watched carefully and when it was apparent that an episiotomy would really facilitate things, he did give me one after telling me he thought it would be a good idea and getting my permission. Again, I appreciated being consulted. I felt that this was a very good experience, the level of care was excellent. As soon as Christopher's vital signs had stabilized he was given to me to nurse and he roomed in my room most of the remainder of the time we were in the hospital.
Update: Susan's 3rd child, a boy, was born by elective c/s. He was transverse and had a true knot in his umbilical cord. He weighed 7 lbs., 1 oz. and was 19.75 inches long, with a lot of dark hair. "Even though I had a c-section, I am feeling really good and had no complications at all--epidural went great, postpartum care and recovery have been really fine...I have given birth 3 times as a BBW, both vaginal and c-section, and have gotten along fine each time. You all can, too."
Dee's Story (c/s due to size-phobia, insulin-dep. gd, vbac)
Kmom's Notes: Dee's story reflects the importance of choosing your provider wisely! Her first doctor was a fat-phobic man who expected her to fail based on her weight, and created a self-fulfilling prophecy. Some of the doctors she saw after that for infertility treatments were also fat-phobic, but this time she stood up for herself and eventually found one that was not. Her VBAC was probably made possible by the great support she had from her OB, the flexible laboring protocols (including using water despite being on pitocin) she was able to negotiate, and the support of her doula and husband (research shows a doula cuts the c/s rate by nearly 50%). And of course, most importantly, it came about through her own determination and woman-power!
Birth Story
In retrospect, I realize there were many clues thrown out by my ob/gyn over the months of my pregnancy that forewarned of an unnecessary c-section. The biggest clue was his repeating the mantra, "Of course, at your weight, it's likely to end up a c-section." I weighed 247 at the beginning of the pregnancy. In spite of a very healthy and uneventful pregnancy, my labor was long and ineffective. My waters broke at 10 in the evening, 13 days post dates. I went into the hospital immediately because....well, I wanted to have that baby! While I had light contractions all night long, they were ineffective. In the morning, I was given prostaglandin gel. That got things rolling and within a half hour I was having strong and consistent contractions. I was through transition, fully dilated and effaced and felt the urge to push around 3 pm. Four hours later I was still pushing. All throughout the day, the doctor repeated his mantra omen. Neither he nor the nurse encouraged me to move about, change positions or try any alternative birthing techniques. So, it was no wonder, again in retrospect, that E was born via c-section, with dislocated hips and a huge hematoma on his scalp from the different types of vacuums the doctor tried to use.
Fast forward to 6 years later. I was 35 years old and finally expecting my second child after having battled secondary infertility for 4 years, and after having several miscarriages. Most of the battle regarding my infertility was dealing with fat phobic doctors who refused to treat me until I lost weight. Of the 5 doctors I saw regarding my infertility, one put me on 100 mg clomid the first cycle and didn't monitor me at all. I was given no information regarding what to expect, charting my temps or anything. I had extreme pain during that cycle and was told, "Oh we expect those things". So I went to another doctor. She found a huge cyst on my ovary, told me I needed to lose weight and put me on phen/fen. I lost 45 lbs or so. She referred me to an RE she worked with. He refused to put me on any more treatments until I lost another 45 lbs. I refused. He was the one who said, "If you really want a baby you'll lose weight." I had been on the phen/fen the maximum recommended and it wasn't effective any more. So, the RE refused to treat me and I refused to diet. I went to another ob/gyn who basically had the same opinion as the RE. I made an appointment at the local university hospital. Lo and behold, the RE staff there immediately identified my problem. I was able to get pregnant, but I would lose the baby before it even implanted.
See, I had been having regular 30 day cycles with occasional 35-40 day cycles. I had been keeping record and I could have sworn I was pregnant on those 35-40 day cycles. I had all the symptoms...swollen breast, nausea. But then the period had come. The other doctors all insisted I wasn't getting pregnant but because of my weight I had PCO. Well, this new RE, Dr. N., said, "Yeah you have PCO, but you are also getting pregnant and losing the baby." With an attitude of "you have the right to have a baby and you can have a baby....I'm going to figure out how to help you", he decided to simply try an assisted cycle with clomid, and after ovulation, progesterone.
On the first cycle we tried, I got pregnant!! I also carried that pregnancy to term. Dr. N recommended one of his recently graduated students for my ob/gyn. She was marvelous. Pro vaginal birth and size accepting, Dr. M saw my pregnancy as joyously as I did. I wanted a vaginal birth so badly. I had felt like such an idiot when I realized how duped I was by my first ob/gyn. His fat phobia and surgeon mentality had doomed me to a c-section right from the start and I was felt so ignorant for believing him and not seeing what was going on. I also felt the delivery and drugs after interfered with my bonding with the baby. I can honestly say, I felt like a zombie until we finally got home and I stopped taking the pain drugs. Then I fell in love with my son. But, I will always regret that he didn't get those first few days of love that babies thrive on. I wanted my next child to have that opportunity and I strongly felt having a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) would lead up to that.
Everything went well, with the exception of severe nausea on my part, until the 28th week when we discovered I had gestational diabetes. You know, I never realized how important it was to me that my pregnancy be totally normal and without even the mildest of complications. I cried when I found out I had gd. My numbers were mildly high, but consistently high. So, I was put on insulin and a diabetic diet. Complicating everything was my reactive hypoglycemia. This insulin resistance left me feeling nauseous all the time. I again felt a sense of failure. I was so mad at my body. I was so certain that it was my diet that caused the problem, even though in reality I had actually been following the ADA diet all along.
Well, somehow, between the needles and lancets, I managed to make it to 37 weeks. I was very sick from the gd and hypoglycemia and I was under a lot of stress due to both my parents being criticallly ill, my husband having to move 3 states away, and my trying to sell our house. Between the stress and the illness, my body was breaking down. I was swollen, though my blood pressure was fine. I had several episodes of false labor, 2 of which took me to the hospital. The baby's heart rate was running too high and I was dehydrating frequently from the vomiting. So, feeling I was doomed to a c-section even though my heart strongly desired a natural birth, I asked the doctor to induce me early and she agreed that the environment in my body was no long doing any good for the baby. Since we knew from the infertility treatments exactly when I had conceived the baby, we decided to deliver the baby on week 38.
I told my doctor I just wanted to plan a c-section as I was so certain the induction was going to end up in a c-section. However, she persuaded me to have a trial of labor and said, "I don't see any reason why you can't deliver this child naturally. It's your decision, but I'd like to encourage you to give it a try. If you get into it and want a c-section I'll go that route. But, I'd like you to try." So, I agreed to try. I have to admit, I had planned the whole pregnancy for a vbac. I was so certain I could do it, but when it got down to the wire, I was scared of a repeat of what happened with my first child. I was scared...just plain scared. After testing the amniotic fluid for lung maturity, it was determined the baby was ready to be delivered. Everything was perfect for his lung scores; so my doctor and I decided to go ahead with the induction beginning on the 25th. I was dilated to 2 cm and 50% effaced. The baby was at -3.
So, my husband "Rosh", my doula "Kathy" and I arrived at the hospital Sunday evening, and the doctor applied prostaglandin gel to my cervix. I started having irregular contractions right away. Since I had been having strong false labor for almost a month, it wasn't really surprising that I'd have at least some response to the gel. We passed a relatively boring evening in the hospital. Kathy and I walked the hallway and I rocked to try to get the contractions to going at a stronger rate. I was still dilated to only 2 and at 50% and -3 when the nurse checked me before the second application of p. gel. I asked for a mild sedative to help me sleep, because I knew I wouldn't be able to with all my excitement and agitation. I was given visterol.
So I slept all of 4 hours and was awakened to take my morning shower. My nurse was worried about my gd and my tendency to have insulin reactions, so she brought me a tray of food which included a muffin and scrambled fake eggs. I would later belch that egg throughout the active phase of labor. I didn't even eat the whole thing and it still came back to haunt me. At the 8:00 check and pitocin start-up, the cervix was still at 2, 50% and -3. Things didn't look too good for a successful vbac at that point. The -3 station was a repeat of my first delivery. But we plunged ahead anyhow.
I started having regular strong contractions almost immediately. They were strong and regular. I took a short walk with Kathy down the hallway. Then I took to sitting on the rocking chair and rocking. That rocking movement really seemed to help me deal with the discomfort. At around 9:00, my doctor's partner arrived and checked me. I was 4, 80% and -1 to 0!!!! He decided to break my waters. I wasn't so keen on it, but didn't feel like arguing with him. I felt intimidated by him, so I let him do it. The gush of warm water was just an amazing feeling. I was surprise a how much there was. Anyhow, at this point we had committed ourselves to birthing this baby one way or the other. I had figured I had relinquished myself to a repeat c/s.
Off and on, the nurse would prick my finger and check my bg levels. It was fluctuating wildly. So, she and the doc monitored it closely adding insulin or dextrose to the iv depending on my bg. I hated that pin prick. It just seemed so unfair when I was having to deal with the pain of labor, but I knew it had to be done. It was frustrating, but necessary.
It wasn't long before the contractions began to be long and hard. I was surprised it was going so fast, but boy was I hurting. The nurse then decided I should get in the bathtub for awhile. I don't know how long I was there...maybe 45 minutes...when I started begging for an epidural. The contractions were soooooooo strong. The nurse was patient and encouraging and very competent in finding ways to delay me from getting the epidural--"oh try leaning this way" or "how about we kneel for awhile?" Then I started getting more insistent (ok I BEGGED) and she said ok. She drained the tub and started the shower. She had me stand up and lunge with one leg on the tub edge. Then she poured the cool water over me. At this time I was having a very strong burning sensation that originated near the c/s scar. I finally begged a bit more and she then took her time drying me off and getting me and all my iv tubes into the nightgown. Finally she got me into the bed and left the room to find my doctor.
I kept begging for the epidural. I don't know how much time had passed, but it seemed like 74,568 years :^). Finally my doctor walked in the door. I think I exclaimed something like "Oh thank God you are here, can I have an epidural?" She held my hand and said yes. Phoebe disappeared to call the anesthesiologist. Dr. M. held my hand while I had contractions and she didn't let go until I kind her pushed it away on one very big contraction. She is a very compassionate doctor who is VERY pro-vbac and has one of the lowest c/s rates in the are...as did her partners and the hospital I was birthing at. I had chosen her because of her reputation and my RE's referral.
Anyhow the epidural guy finally got there and took his time getting the epi in. I was still 4, 80 and -1 to 0. I was really being a pain, too. I complained every single contraction. It hurt sooooo badly. I don't remember my first hurting so much. I hadn't had any pain intervention with him, but this time things seemed very bad. The contractions just didn't let up and they were sooooooo intense. I also felt intense burning and pain at the site of the c/s incision on my skin. Looking back, I think the internal pain must have centered at the internal incision. It just seemed concentrated right across the front just above the pubic bone. The nurse felt it was due to scar tissue tearing away with the contractions.
While the anes. was fiddling around with my back, I sat on the edge of the bed and rocked with each contraction. In retrospect, I think that must have really helped get things going. Finally the guy told me to hold still (HA!~!~!~) while he inserted the needle. I think it took several contractions, and I really did my darndest to hold still. Finally, I felt like my bladder was being pushed and I had no control over it. I told Phoebe I had to pee. She said in a very nurturing voice, "Go right ahead and let it go. Just relax and let it go." Well I did. There really wasn't a thing I could do to stop the drenching anyhow. After the initial flood, with each contraction I felt this push on my bladder and a little voiding. I began to feel like I just wanted to push my whole bladder out.
The epidural was in and I felt my left leg get tingly and numb. But nothing else went numb. The epidural was ineffective and had been placed in the wrong position. I had a dead left leg and lots of pain. It was exasperating. So, they were getting ready to get me back onto my back (I was still sitting on the edge of the bed), when I told the nurse something was pushing on my bladder. She suddenly got excited and said, "Maybe you are ready to push. Do you feel like pushing?" It dawned on me that that was the case and I grunted in the positive. So, she checked me. I was 8 to 9 cm!!!!!! I had gone through transition while waiting for the epidural and no one had even known. Now I had a numb left leg and the rest of me never did get relief, but I think that was the best thing that could have happened. it was time to push and the epi might have screwed that up.
By this time, though, I wanted a c/s. This is where I have to say THE BIRTHING TEAM MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE!!! Had I not had the doula, my wonderful nurse, and Dr. M. there to encourage me, I would have grabbed the scalpel myself!!! I begged Dr. M. not to let me go through what I went through with my first delivery. She promised she wouldn't. For each contraction, I bemoaned my inability to push the baby out with 2-3 pushes like some other women do. I whined and complained a lot, I think. I was being such a wuss, but it hurt sooooo much and the contractions were coming sooooooo quickly. Some other doctor was there and for some reason he actually did the delivery. I have to ask Dr. M. why that was, but anyhow she stood right there and told him what to do while she encouraged me and held my legs up along with Rosh, Kathy, and the nurse.
The nurse was marvelous...though I hated her at the time (contraction hatred). She insisted on my getting on to my knees and trying. It was in my birth plan and she was insistent that I give it a try. With my numbed left leg, balance was really hard and I got terrible muscle contractions in my back where I have an injury from 6 years ago. She had me turn from back to knees and knees to back. All the darned wires from the baby monitor and contraction monitor and IVs would get tangled up around me. It drove me nuts. That and the hair of my husband's beard tickling my shoulder when he'd rest his chin on my shoulder and count during the contractions...UGH!!
At one point I asked to see the head as it begins to crown. It was soooo cool, but I couldn't stand to look more than once because all I wanted to do was get that OUT!!! I couldn't stand any distractions. Even the encouraging and gentle comments from the doctor, nurse, etc. got on my nerves. I just wanted to concentrate. I told them to be quiet. My husband did the counting for me while I pushed. It helped to give me something to focus on. I wanted to groan, but the nurse told me to focus it inward. I wanted to tell her I'd focus it at her, but I really could feel progress being made after I put all of the air into the push. So, I focused. Interesting how you can hate the very people who help you when you feel so much pain.
Finally, about an hour and half after I began pushing, the head crowned and I felt the "rim of fire". Oh golly did that burn, but it was SUCH a relief to know the baby was THERE!!! I'm not sure how many contractions there were after that, but I think maybe 6. Finally the nurse said, "This next contraction and the head will be out." I didn't believe her, but I decided I was going to prove myself. So, with the next contraction, I pushed like you couldn't believe. Then "WHOOSH" this thing popped out of me and there between my legs with a gush of warm waters was the head of the tiny fellow. Oh WOW! What a sight and what a feeling. It was beautiful. I wanted to hold him. But I had to wait for the darn shoulders. The doctor told me I had one more push. I think I whined, " I still have to push", but as I whined that, the uterus gave one strong contraction, I didn't push at all, and the shoulders popped out!!! WOW! They did a quick check and handed the little guy to me. What a wonderful smell and touch and sound and and and....it was beautiful. He was beautiful.
Suddenly the nurse that I hated through each contraction (but who I realized was doing what I had wanted, btw) was the most loved creature in the world. I wanted to kiss DH, Kathy, the doctors and the floor!!! Fortunately for the others, only DH got the kisses. It felt so wonderful to be through the pain; it felt so marvelous to have my baby vaginally and to hold him and nurse him. I felt like I had won, liked I'd accomplished some grand and glorious feat. The doctors waited until the cord stopped pulsing to have DH cut the cord. The only thing I regretted was the long wait to get him to my face. I had to wait until the cord was cut. But, they honored my wishes that the cord be allowed to cease pulsing on its own.
They let me hold him quite awhile, then finally took him across the room to do the check and clean him up a bit. Oh, he smelled so nice with that amniotic fluid and vernix. Such a sweet and unusual smell. I regretted when they finally gave him a bath later. They bathed him right in the room. He never left my room. I labored, delivered and stayed in the same room the whole time. The nurses came in every hour for awhile to check his blood glucose levels due to my high blood sugar in the pregancy and during delivery, but he stayed within normal range and was handling things well. So, no intervention was needed in that regard. He nursed and slept and watched the world around him. I fed him and watched him sleep and observe. It was blissful.
So, that is my version of the story. I'm sure some things are fuzzy in my memory, but for the most part everything was just as planned once the labor got going. My big recommendation to anyone planning on a vbac, CHOSE A GOOD SUPPORT TEAM and MEDICAL TEAM. I never thought I would wuss out like I did, but I would have given into a c-section RIGHT THEN. Had it not been for a pro-vbac doctor, hospital, nurse, and friend, I don't think I would have had my vbac. Also, don't be surprised at how much you will resent everyone helping you during the birth. I think it just hurts so much that it is beyond our capacity to keep focused on the outcome. So I let them do that for me. AND THEY DID!!! Bless them all.
Maggie's Story (3 babies: size-phobic dr.+ c/s, 2 VBACs)
Kmom's Notes: Maggie's first 2 babies were both about the same size despite a much bigger weight gain the second pregnancy. She also had a VBAC with a baby that was 9 lbs., something some doctors tell you that you probably can't do. Her third baby was smaller, for whatever reason, and again she had a very fast VBAC. In both of her VBACs, she had pitocin aumentation without any drugs, a very impressive accomplishment!
Birth Story
Baby #1: My first pregnancy I had a fat-phobic doctor who complained about every pound I gained and kept telling me about a patient who lost 50 lbs while pregnant. Because of insurance, he was the only doctor I could choose. Even though I knew it was unhealthy I would diet before my appointments to try to get a lower weight and then semi-binge after the appointment. My blood pressure also measured high during office visits because I was so anxious about my appointments. My normal blood pressure is 110/70, even when pregnant.
I ended up gaining 24 lbs and had a 9 lb daughter by c-section because the doctor thought she wouldn't fit. I never went into labor -- had a biophysical profile that measured the baby at 10 1/2 lbs +/- 1 lbs -- this is what the doctor based the c-section decision on. Despite all this I had a very easy c-section and recovery -- was able to have an epidural and be awake during the surgery. I considered the c-section a breeze and had no fear about another -- in fact was so comfortable with the known, was more nervous about going into labor.
Baby #2: My second pregnancy I had a wonderful new doctor to whom weight was not an issue. I gained 42!! lbs. This doctor looked at my previous records and stated that he believed in a trial of labor and that was our plan. I was very nervous and made him promise that if I stalled during labor I could have a c-section. I was a week past my date when my water broke. My doctor has the 24-hour rule -- if not in active labor 24 hours after water breaking, then start inducing with pitocin. I went into the hospital in the middle of the night since I was having contractions. I wasn't even dilated yet so they gave me pain and sleeping meds to get some rest until they started the pitocin at 8:30 am.
They increased the dose every 15 minutes once they started. It was a very boring morning and I kept thinking when is anything going to happen. I was on a strapped-on monitor and didn't move around much -- however, I had no desire to do so, so this wasn't a problem for me. I think I could have had them remove it and only monitor me once an hour or so if I wanted to move around more. At 12:30ish they checked me, only 3 cms dilated but they put an internal monitor that they attach to the baby's head. Told me I had hours to go yet.
Between 1-2 pm I had a really tough time with contractions coming fast -- did my breathing etc. Had hubby get the doctor at 2 pm because I wanted my epidural and I was feeling a lot of pressure. Doctor came to check at 2ish and told me I was ready to push. (Note: I didn't feel so much an urge to push as a sense of tremendous pressure in the vaginal region). After three pushes, my second daughter was born at 2:19 pm. She weighed 9 lbs 1 oz , 1 oz more than the baby that wasn't supposed to fit!
I tore when head came out but didn't feel it. I also screamed when she came out, which really surprised me -- never would have considered myself a screamer!! I was stitched up after delivery. Never did get my epidural -- everything happened very fast at the end. So in retrospect, I had a really bad 1- 1 1/2 hours of labor. I felt really empowered after this birth -- I remember being in my hospital room thinking, "I want to do this again!" As BBWs we are told by most of the medical community that something is wrong with us, but my VBAC told me that my body is fine the way it is and can get the job done, thank you very much.
Other things I remember... I did have monitors that made it hard to move around but I had no desire to walk around. I wanted to sit up and would change my legs from tailor-sitting to lowering the foot of the bed so I could hang my legs down. I have heard that the pitocin makes the labor very intense and it seemed that way to me but then again I have nothing to compare it to. I am very grateful that I only had a difficult 2 hours as opposed to much longer. Also #1 was 9 lbs and #2 was 9 lbs 1 oz -- so much for not fitting through my pelvis!
Also in retrospect I had a much, much easier recovery from a VBAC than c-section and I had told everyone that my c-section was a breeze and I truly felt that way. I cannot emphasize this enough -- the stitches were manageable and being able to get around just about normally was great. Especially since I had daughter #1 to worry about. I was concerned about how she was adjusting and it was great to be able to get out of the hospital more quickly and be able to help her adjust (a lot of my anxiety pre-VBAC was about child #1 and how she would handle mom in the hospital , new sibling etc.). Given the choice I want a vaginal birth next time too.
Most of all, I trusted my doctor -- he was instrumental in helping me believe I could do this. He wasn't even the doctor who delivered my baby, but it was the nine+ months leading up to the birth when I felt his confidence and support -- I went to a group with 7 doctors and had met several others but in fact the nurses are more important during labor than the doctor who just pops in and out. I didn't want a doula or other person beside me and my husband -- we wanted to do this on our own as a team. I am very comfortable with a hospital environment because I like knowing that medical backup is available if necessary.
To prepare for VBAC, I took refresher lamaze class, did some reading, asked a bunch of questions. I'm a bit of a control freak and a lot of my fear was of the unknown -- labor, potential pain etc. I would have been happy repeating the c-section only because I knew what to expect. Despite having a c-section the first time around and having a very easy recovery, a vaginal birth is much, much easier to recover from.
Baby #3: I fully anticipated a repeat VBAC but if medical emergencies arose I would have been OK with that. I did have an earlier complication with a severe bleed at 14 weeks and a residual blood clot. Was on restrictions for 3 months but blood clot eventually disappeared and I went back to normal activity. This was in no way related to be a BBW, but rather just one of those things...and we'll probably never know why it happened.
This baby arrived 5 days early, which was a surprise because I was at least a week late with my two daughters. The evening before he was born I started to feel really lousy---hips hurt, had to pee all the time, back hurt, etc. My walk really became a waddle so I think he had dropped that night. The next morning about 11:30 I lost the mucus plug. I also began to suspect that my water had broken--not in a big gush but just a more or less constant dribble. I was also having contractions but wasn't at all sure if they were for real or Braxton-Hicks. So the doctor told me to come to the hospital to be checked.
We got to the hospital about 2:30 p.m. I knew as soon as we got there that my water had indeed broken as I was much more gushy. The water had meconium in it. They were very calm about that which surprised me since I thought that meant the baby was under stress. I moved to a L&D room and wandered around until 4:30 or so. The contractions got a bit closer together but weren't bad at all. I was 4 cm dilated, not completely effaced, so they decided to start me on pitocin to speed things up because of the meconium. We also had an internal monitor because we kept losing the contractions or the baby's heartbeat on the external monitor.
Contractions started getting bad about 5:30 or 6:00 and I requested a doula to come help since I had gone through all the breathing techniques I remembered. I also asked about pain relief and was given the option of stadol which is supposed to take the edge off the pain but not eliminate it and can make you dopey. They said no to an epidural because last time I went really fast from 3 cm to 10 cm so they didn't think there was time for it before I had to push. So I chose nothing and just kept with the breathing. The doula arrived at 6:30 and was great---got a hot rice bag for my back, rubbed my shoulders, helped my husband help me, and helped me focus my breathing. Also brought a birth ball, but I was beyond using it at that point.
I was feeling a lot of pressure and the doctor checked me again at 7ish and I was at 9 cm. They had me blow through a few more contractions and then I told them I wanted to push. I pushed through 2 contractions and then his head was out and they told me to stop pushing because they needed to suction his airway due to the meconium. That was about the hardest thing of all, but after what seemed like forever they gave me the go ahead and he was born at 7:20 p.m.! He was crying and crying, the best possible thing, and I was so relieved it was over. His apgars were 9 and 9. This was my second VBAC and I feel really lucky that it went quickly again.
A word about the doula--I had only decided the day before to use one after running into one when I was getting my hair cut. She asked me if I was considering it and I said no, in fact I thought it might seem intrusive and I didn't want my husband to feel pushed aside. She gently gave me some things to consider and I called the program at the hospital to see if it was too late to use one. It wasn't but I would have to use whoever was on call and not be able to meet her head of time. So that's what I did and it worked really well--we hadn't done a lamaze refresher this time and I was anxious and my husband wasn't sure what to do to reassure me and she helped both of us through it.
Another point for BBW's -- I got pg first month with babies #1 and #3. So what was different with baby #2? Not sure and no confirmation from doctor but I had been on phen/fen for a year prior to trying to conceive and it is my belief that my hormone levels were out of whack from the dieting etc. Also about weight gain in pregnancy, I've had a wide range between baby #1 and baby #2 but found that all the baby weight was gone by 6 weeks postpartum. I did breastfeed and that helps for a while and then my weight would stabilize.
Franny's Story (induction, posterior, forceps vaginal birth; c/s for breech; home waterbirth VBAC)
Kmom's Notes: Franny had a posterior baby with her first birth that she did manage to have vaginally by flipping to hands and knees and the doctor using forceps. Still, not a peaceful birth. Her second baby was breech and came by c/s. These birth stories can be found on Cesarean, Supersize, and PCOS birth story FAQs.
In her 3rd pregnancy, Franny was told she would have to have a repeat c/s because her hospital no longer did VBACs. Instead she hired a good homebirth midwife and had her baby at home. She also had chiropractic care in this pregnancy, which may have helped prevent a recurrence of the fetal malpositioning the plagued the other births.
Birth Story
10 days past my due date I was miserable and called my midwife for help (this pregnancy lasted more than 2 weeks longer than my first and 6 weeks longer than my second...I felt like I was pregnant forever, add to this that I took off work for maternity leave at 38 weeks and I felt a little like an elephant, in more ways that one). My midwife recommended that I see the Chiropractor and get a massage. I chose the latter and by evening (Wednesday) my contractions had started.
I went about my normal activities, fixed supper, went to church, bathed the kids, put kids to bed, went for a walk. Contractions were regular, but not very strong, more like annoying. Thursday AM we were to drive an hour away to see the midwife...I didn't think I could handle being in the car that long, so I told her to head our way. (She has 7 kids of her own, the youngest just turned 1 in November). I napped and felt like they were fading away and she said she'd just drop in to see how I was. I had gone into work for a bridal shower on Tuesday and one of my co-workers, an OBGYN Nurse Practitioner said I should just go to the hospital and have another cesarean since I was so far over my due date...had a lot of mental work to do to get over that.
Midwife arrived at 3 and I told her what I was thinking/feeling and she helped me get rid of it and by 3:30 my water broke. By 5, my doula and our friends that were going to watch our kids were present and I was starting to get uncomfortable. Around 7pm, I was 4cm (the first time my midwife ever had her hand in me). I got in the tub (borrowed a spa in a box from a friend) and got hot, then had to get out to cool off. I had just attended a Michel Odent conference and had his words in my head. If a woman gets in the tub at 4 and makes no rapid progress after 2 hours, he recommended a cesarean. I kept thinking that I didn't have the urge to push, so had I made progress? After dark (9ish?) I got back in the tub and was very cold, my husband found a space heater and was holding it on me next to the tub and jokingly went "oops" faking dropping it into the tub and it took me over an hour to get back into a regular pattern. Had to get into the shower to get warmed back up and they encouraged me to drink some really salty hot broth.
By 11 I was loud and hurting, they also tried to cram a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and juice down my throat...PB is NOT easy to get down with 'labor mouth'. I was all over the place position-wise, remember enjoying a forward leaning position. I starting pushing around midnight, although my midwife said I wasn't *really pushing* until about 1 or so. Was in the tub when I started to push, but kept a rim of cervix and got out to the birth stool so the midwife could help hold it while I pushed. While on the birth stool I remember saying, "I give up. Take me to the hospital, Help me" and they gave me some homeopathy. When she was crowning I got back in the tub.
The midwife said I have 'a large perineum' and so it felt like crowning took FOREVER. I remembered what It was like with Daniel and I realized that I ever got to the point where I could push past the pain and make progress...I finally figured out the pushing thing this time...but the pushing into the pain to make progress, then the contraction ending and feeling the baby slide back up and knowing I'd have to push back through that pain again with the next contraction was nearly overwhelming. I was on my knees in the tub, resting my head on the side of the tub, Aryn put his arm along the back of the tub so I could rest my head and I accidentally bit him...didn't even realize I was doing it until he flinched.
I got to the point where I felt like my urethra was going to explode and I reached down to support my labia and felt her head...It didn't take long from that point...it was so empowering to realize how close I really was. Once her head was out, her body followed quickly, the midwife just allowed the water to catch her. Once she was out, I flipped over and reached for her. Within seconds, I was pulling her up so I could see her, unlooped 2 nuchal cords and brought her out of the water to my chest. She opened her eyes and looked at me and started to whimper. No lusty painful scream, but more like..."Wait a second, what just happened?"
I felt between her legs and discovered she was a girl, but waited until our son came into the room to lift her out of the water for him to see and announce. I was convinced I was having a boy because my pregnancy was so much like it was with Daniel...Instead I have a little girl that looks just like her big brother. I was out of the tub about 30 minutes after her birth and we left the cord attached for about 2 hours, at that point we were able to cut without clamping and it fell off when she was 4 days old. I had a small 'scuff', but nothing worth messing with suture-wise. My midwife had a herbal bath to soak in with Abby and it felt wonderful...had to learn the hard way to strain out the herbs though :-0 clogged the tub.
Abby nursed very well and my milk was in by 24 hours. She never lost weight. Was 8-5 at birth, 2:04am Friday, October 14th and was 8-9 on Monday evening. Abigail has been a joy, a wonderful baby. Sleeps through the night (started at about 1 month) and was smiling by 6 weeks. She does have some gassy spells, but they are brief. Will definitely do it again!!! But will wait until Abby is in preschool or Kindergarten...a newborn and a strong willed 2 1/2 year old is just way too much for me!
This was an editorial I sent to our local newspaper after my daughter's birth explaining my decision and outcome in relation to the release of 2004 C/S rates. Several of the OBs in our area were really ticked and found out that I was the Childbirth Educator at the local Medicaid clinic and were not happy. Our Medical director wanted me to assure him that I was not teaching or encouraging homebirth in my class. I replied that I simply told my story and that I did not believe that homebirth was an option for our clients for 2 reasons...they can't afford the out of pocket expense of homebirth and local docs refuse to provide back up.
The results are in and 2004 saw another increase in surgical birth rates -- 29.1 percent of women delivered their babies by cesarean last year, according to a National Center for Health Statistics report released last week.I chose not to become a statistic
Some doctors cited the reason for the increase was that more women are having elective cesareans, but keep in mind that "elective" does not mean that it was the woman's choice.
Earlier this year when we discovered we were expecting our third baby, I visited my OB/GYN to begin prenatal care. I was informed that we would be forced to have a cesarean if our baby was born at their hospital simply because I had a cesarean with my second child.
The cesarean rate has increased astronomically in the past 30 years: 5.5 percent in 1970, 16.5 percent in 1980, and 22.7 percent in 2000. The World Health Organization states that the cesarean rate should be 10 percent to 15 percent. Our bodies have not changed in 30 years, but medical management has. Although some babies have been saved by surgical delivery, a look at maternal and infant mortality rates show that nearly 30 countries lose fewer moms and babies than the United States and most of those countries have lower cesarean rates.
Having a vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC) carries nearly half the potential complications than repeat surgery. Due to a 0.5 percent to 1 percent risk of uterine rupture, The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists has put very strict guidelines on VBAC, stating that the doctor and operating team need to be immediately available.
American Academy of Family Physicians guidelines noted that there are other problems that occur more often, and they found no evidence suggesting better VBAC outcomes based on the availability of resources. American Academy of Family Physicians went on to state that policies for VBAC "appear to be based on malpractice concerns rather than on available statistical and scientific evidence."
So, how'd I do it? I hired a midwife and kept my OB/GYN as backup. I found a doula -- someone trained to provide emotional and physical support during labor...and obtained a portable hot tub for pain relief. I ate well and read to educate myself. When labor started, my midwife came to me, and my daughter was safely born at home in water.
I'll do it again with my next baby. As long as doctors and hospitals do not allow alternatives, such as midwives, birthing centers and natural options for pain relief, more informed women who want to be able to make their own decisions will join me.
Margie's Story (5 children; #4: c/s, insulin-dep. gd; #5: VBAC, insulin-dep. gd)
Kmom's Notes: Margie has 5 children; this is mostly the story of #5, her gd vbac. The fact that she'd had 3 vaginal births before her c/s increased her chances for a VBAC, as did her supportive staff and taking good care of herself. Her birth stories (all of them) can be found at:
http://pregnancy.miningco.com/health/pregnancy/library/stories/b13797.htm (1st 3 births)
http://pregnancy.miningco.com/health/pregnancy/library/stories/blcameron.htm (4th birth)
http://pregnancy.miningco.com/health/pregnancy/library/stories/bl9907196.htm?pid=2839&cob=hom
Birth Stories
Baby #5: This story begins with pre-pregnancy. This was a much planned for baby for a few years before she was even a sparkle in her Mother and Father's eye. I have four children, one of which I had Insulin Dependent Gestational Diabetes with. I wanted to have more children and knew that I would have to deal with this again. We got pregnant on our first try with In Vitro. Our previous son was conceived through In Vitro also. I found out I was pregnant and was very overjoyed. I was prepared for the pregnancy and hoped to make it better than my last. Even with Insulin-Dep. GD.
Only thing I wasn't prepared for was the onset was much earlier than my previous pregnancy. I began insulin at 12 weeks. My previous baby was born via C-Section due to Macrosomia. He weighed 11 lbs and 3 oz. I knew that if I kept with the diet and insulin that I would not have a huge baby. So on with the diet and insulin. My goal was to keep the baby's size down and hopefully go into labor on my own. I wanted to know what it was like to go into labor and not have pitocin. My three previous babies were either induced or augmented with Pitocin. As we were approaching the due date, all tests were showing that she was fine and not at all huge. I had twice weekly NST's (Non Stress Tests) and AFI's (Amniotic Fluid Index) tests. All were great. One nurse did however say that I had a decrease of fluid and was concerned. More on that later.
My due date approached and I asked if I could go another week in hopes that I would go into labor on my own. OB agreed. I thought for sure that I would have contractions and so forth, but by the next week nothing was going on. I had JUST gotten to 1 cm. Insulin-Dependent GDM has many risks. One is the function of the placenta could stop, resulting in placenta failure and stillbirth. That was why all the NST's. When it came time to decide if I would consent to an induction I reluctantly agreed, feeling that this was what was best for my baby. So Induction Day rolls around. I'm instructed to report to L&D with my orders in my hand at 7:30am Monday morning. I'm really apprehensive since my last induction was during a span of four days and I had a c/s anyway.
We get settled into my room. We meaning my husband, my Doula, and myself. They are very nice and sensitive to my needs with the monitors. The L&D nurse made sure I wasn't on them any longer than I had to be. She found out that I'm a clock watcher!!! I had my first application of P-Gel and asked her about my status. I'm 1 cm, 0% effaced, my cervix isn't too soft, baby is head down, and cervix is almost in an Anterior position. At the 2nd application I continued to have contractions on my own for several hours. This brought me to 1+ cm, -2 station, 30% effaced. An hour later the 2nd dose of P-Gel is given. With this exam I am 2cm, -2 station, 30% effaced. We are encouraged to walk the halls. We do so leisurely and this results in some contractions. So after all that walking I progress another centimeter. Monday night at 10:20pm I get another dose of P-Gel and we all get some much needed sleep for the next day. The contractions just about stop.
I am impressed with my nurse's sensitivity to my needs. I had drawn up a birth plan, but did not give it to them. They seem to be just as committed to me having a VBAC as I am. They all have studied my previous birth and remind me often that this is so much more different. After she got past -2 station, I relax. Cameron never made it past -5. Things certainly do seem different. At 4:15am it's rise and shine. I get back on the monitors for a test strip and the endocrinologist orders hourly Blood Glucose Tests. I think this was the most annoying part. He also orders an IV push of insulin as needed. At 5:00am the IV is started and pitocin is started at the lowest dose.
5:35am my water breaks. Remember, one of the nurses said I had such low levels of fluid. I change positions and noticed my water had broken. There is water coming out that is clear. I soak 2 chux pads. The L&D nurse has to rush to get more, I soak 2 more pads. She puts a towel between my legs as the water keeps coming. Every time I laugh, there is more water!!! I soak through another set of chux pads and another towel. Seems like enough water to me. We all cheer that my water broke on its own. Something's happening. Pitocin is steadily increased and contractions are going nicely in a pattern.
At 7:30am the new crew comes in. Our nurse ended up being the same nurse I had the day I had my c/section with Cameron. At first this worried me, but she reminds me that we have gotten further than we ever did with him and this is all together different. This relaxes me and we get ready for the hard work ahead. It's 8am and she checks me. I'm at 3cm 50% effaced, -2 station and my cervix is soft. The monitors around me are really irritating me. We discuss internal fetal monitors. One thing that I was most afraid of was the internal catheter to measure contractions. The nurse shows me that they are much different than they used to be. I had one nearly 15 years ago and the memory was terrible. I realize that they cannot effectively monitor the strength of my contractions with the straps. I'm a big woman and the baby is small. So I agree to the internal monitor for contractions so I will not be over stimulated on pitocin. That alone makes me fear for a rupture. In the 20 minutes that we discuss this and they place the monitors, I progress to 4 cm, 70% effaced and still -2 station. Contractions are 2 1/2 minutes apart and bearable. I can't believe how much the effacing is happening since this usually is the slowest part for me. I also had went from 4cm and 70 to 90 percent effaced to delivery in a matter of minutes with my previous pregnancy. I warn them. The contractions are really bearable and not at all painful. Just a force, but not really painful. They peak quickly and resolve quickly. The atmosphere is still very upbeat and we are playing Hymns on the boom box. This creates a very peaceful and serene atmosphere in the room.
I get my next exam at 10:00am. I have already progressed to 5cm, 80% effaced and still at a negative -2 station. I'm amazed at how easily everything is going. It just seems to roll along. In 30 minutes I progress to 6 cm, 90% effaced and she drops down to -1 station. Still the contractions have not changed or even seem to be that hard. In the next 30 minutes I again progress even further to 8 cm, 90% effaced and 0 station. They tell me I'm in transition. I'm amazed at how easily everything is going and even being in transition, I'm not in that much pain. While I was at 4, I was getting a bit apprehensive that the contractions would get harder to deal with and was asking about an epidural. My previous births were horrendous with the over-stimulation of pitocin. Sue talks me out of it and I agree to forge on through. So I'm at 8 cm and it doesn't' seem to be that bad. It's 11:45am and the OB is called. I am 9 cm, 100% effaced and zero station. The OB gets there and things start to halt. The contractions are getting harder and she isn't coming. I'm getting really concerned that I am some how unconsciously holding her back. They tell me she is posterior and is pounding on my cervix causing it to swell from 9cm back down to 6cm. At this point I am standing trying to get her to come down. I tried going to the bathroom and she still isn't coming down. Her heart rate drops severely and the OB nurses rush into the room. We are really scared at this point because it isn't coming back up. I'm laying on my side with oxygen mask on praying that she is OK. All sorts of things rush in my mind. I ask my husband who is an Elder in our church to give me an emergency blessing. He does and her heart rate normalizes.
I then get an epidural. The epidural doesn't take on a strip going along my belly and I can feel the contractions in a localized area. The Anes. tells me that this is called a window caused by the position of her head. They turn off the pit drip and I lay on another side to get the medicine to hit that awful nagging spot. Things settle down and I snooze. During this time DH gives baby a blessing by laying his hands on my belly. I didn't find this out til later. It's 3:00 and I'm at 10cm, 100%, and +1 station. They ask me to push. I have to say that I would make fun of the ladies on "A Baby Story" pushing through their epidurals. I now know that it is so hard to push. I haven't pushed in 15 years. I didn't practice this part!!! It was difficult to coordinate the pushing. No one counted in my face and I was really glad about that.
It's 3:15 and we have put the Hymns back on. She is slowly moving up and her head is crowning. I'm not sure at which point they called the OB. Her head is slowly pushing it's way out. The entire time her head is exposed the OB nurse is gently stroking her head. She is treated gently from the beginning and the tone in the room is quiet and not tense. She decides that she has had enough of the womb and her head pops out. No pushing from me. Then the body just slips on out. She is born and my first look at her is in amazement at her size. All of my babies are over 8 lbs including my 11lbs 3oz boy. She is really long and skinny. The OB walks in fully expecting to deliver a baby. He missed it and gets to catch the placenta. She cries and is cleaned off and placed on my stomach. I get to cut the cord. I couldn't see it and Bill took pictures. They ask me if it is OK to take her to clean her off. They are very quiet and gentle with her care. She is cleaned off and they assess her. She is measured and weighed. 7lbs 9oz. 19 3/4 inches long. Her Apgars are 8 and 9.
One nurse said I was bleeding pretty bad. They call the OB back in and he finds clots in my uterus causing it not to contract. They take care of this and the bleeding slows down. I am sat up so I can nurse, but when I am moved up I nearly pass out. My BP is extremely low. 99/34. They call the Anes. back in and she puts some medicine in my IV to get my BP up. I continue to have low BP the remainder of my visit. I am able to nurse her and the colostrum is able to maintain her blood sugar. She looks great. As soon as my epidural wore off we were back in our room getting to know each other.
Despite these little mishaps and having to get the epidural, the birth was very positive. I was able to have a VBAC. I did not submit a birth plan to the floor. I wonder if my doula did since everything I asked for was honored. I nearly got everyone I asked for. It almost seem too good to be true. During the entire time of my labor, a friend of mine is calling and being called to update my lists on my progress. I have an enormous amount of support and prayers during this time. This birth is a triumph. Not only that I got the most beautiful baby in the world, but that being diabetic I was able to make it post dates, I had a small baby, and she had no side effects of my diabetes. Most important that she was born a VBAC. She was at one point a twin. Her brother or sister was 10.2 weeks before he/she died in utero. We will always hold that precious baby in our hearts. But we say Welcome to the World to this baby.
Postscript: Breastfeeding does not go well, due to the anemia from all the blood loss after the birth. Additional factors may also include low thyroid levels and abnormal nipple shape. This was very disappointing but the baby did get the benefits of colostrum and some early milk.
Lisa's Story (diet-controlled gd, anticardiolipin problems, premature labor, VBAC)
Kmom's Notes: The GD diet this mother reports being given is highly questionable. Although women with GD must carefully control the amount and type of carbs they eat, they should not be forbidden from consuming carbs completely. The pregnant body (and the baby) need carbs and the nutrition available from carbs for optimal development and health. Furthermore, if carbs are lowered too strongly, the mother is forced to burn her own stored fat for energy, resulting in ketones, a kind of acid by-product. Some studies have linked persistent levels of ketones to neurological damage to the baby. This is why it is important for women with GD to monitor their ketones, especially if their carb intake is low.
The other notable thing about this story is that it highlights the ABSOLUTE importance of the proper size of blood pressure cuff. This mother was almost forced into an unnecessary cesarean because her blood pressure was erroneously recorded as dangerously high. The nurses used the wrong-sized cuff; they should have known that a large cuff was required for a large person. Note how much of a difference the correct cuff made in her blood pressure----from 180/104 with the standard sized cuff, to 114/63 with the correct-sized cuff. From dangerously high to completely normal.
ALWAYS check to be sure that medical personnel are using the correct-sized cuff when taking your blood pressure.
Birth Story
In my second pregnancy, I was 37 years old and weighed 256 lbs. when I finally got pregnant. He was conceived through IVF and was a frozen embryo transfer. The pregnancy was considered "high risk" due to my "advanced maternal age" and the fact that I had an anticardiolipin problem and needed to be on 2 shots of heparin daily thru the entire pregnancy. I was also on progesterone shots up thru week 11.
In week 26, I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. I did not have that problem with my first pregnancy, 7 years previous. The gestational diabetes was diet-controlled. I could not have milk, fruit, fruit juice, or bread in my diet. My diet consisted of protein, veggies, and 1 splurge of a balance fat/protein snack at bedtime.
During the whole pregnancy, I had a level 3 ultrasound done monthly. After I was diagnosed with GD, I still had a level 3 monthly, but I also had nonstress tests done 2x week from week 28 on. According to all the ultrasounds, he was growing at a decent rate, but was a large baby. I was scheduled for a planned repeat c-section (my choice) in beginning wk 38.
Due to a fall, I went into premature labor at 34 weeks and was put on magnesium sulphate for 5 days. My 3rd day in the hospital flat on my back, they told me my BP was dangerously high (180/104) and they had scheduled me for an emergency c-section. They were preparing me even to the point of having the anesthesiologist come in and talk with me.
When my dr. got there to talk to me pre-op, he saw the BP monitor and cuff they were using. He flipped! They had been taking my BP with a small cuff. He went right out to the nurse's station, came back with a larger cuff and took my BP. It was NORMAL---actually a little low for me (114/63)!!!!! Surgery canceled!
I was released on Wednesday afternoon, got to sleep in my own bed 2 nights and went into full-blown labor on Friday morning at 5:30. By 6:30 my water had broken, back in the hospital by 7:30, and had my 6 lb. 6 oz. baby boy by 9:30 a.m. Never made it to my planned scheduled c-section, didn't make it to my last "refresher" lamaze class, didn't have time to make it to labor and delivery room (gave birth in the prep/waiting area).
Due to the heparin, they had a problem stopping the bleeding, and the one stupid dr. tried to "help" the placenta out by pulling the umbilical cord. After my dr. got there, he whisked me right into the OR, transferred me from the gurney to the operating table himself, I finally got my epidural I wanted, and he removed the rest of the placenta by hand, and stitched my small tear. He said the baby came down the canal so fast, I tore up high in the vaginal wall---nowhere near any possible episiotomy site.
My little man ended up spending 5 days in the NICU due to breathing problems. They never found out the reason why he stopped breathing immediately after delivery. The speculation is that he was born sooooo fast that his system was shocked. Due to the "precipitous" birth, I had to sign papers to be tested for drugs. My dr. laughed about it but said it was required by the state in such a fast birth. He knew I wouldn't even take a Tylenol or Sudafed unless I cleared it with him first.
akp's Story (failed induction, botched c/s, complications; fat-phobic doctor, HBAC)
Kmom's Notes: Her c/s story is a good lesson in all the things that can go wrong during a c/s and afterwards, and why inducing for a "big baby" is usually a bad idea. Things were bad; fortunately they didn't turn out even worse.
Her VBAC story is a good lesson in the importance of finding a provider who really believes that your body can give birth normally whatever your size, and the importance of perseverance in the face of opposition and obstacles. As the old saying goes, when a door closes, somewhere another one opens.
Birth Story
Birth #1: [Kmom note: A more complete version of her
c/s story is available on the CS story FAQ]
I have to start with my first birth because it leads into the struggles with my HBAC. My daughter was born via cesarean for many reasons, but mostly due to my being
306 lbs. at 40 weeks pg. I was told my baby was over 10 lbs. and that I did not have the hip structure to birth a baby larger than
7 lbs. I trusted my OB explicitly and believed that I couldn't do it. I also knew my only chance at help (mom) was flying in at
40 wks, 2 days pg and was only staying for two weeks. I asked many women and they ALL said cesareans were great and no big deal. The closest to a "don't do it" I got was the receptionist saying hers was tolerable. So, knowing I couldn't birth my HUGE baby (who was
9 lb, 12 oz--not huge) and that cesareans were no big deal, I went in for my failed induction, cascading interventions and finally was the last cesarean of the night for my OB.
My daughter was torn out of me, put through tests, given formula and spent time with my husband, with my mother and with my sister and her husband before I even got to see her. There is so much more to the trauma of the cesarean, but let's skip ahead. At my 8 week PP checkup, I told my OB that I was still in a lot of pain, was still taking Vicodin and didn't feel well. She felt something strange in my abdomen and sent me for an ultrasound, but that didn't find anything, so she told me that because I wasn't recovering from the surgery well because I was overweight. That if I had been in good health (not that there was anything wrong with me beyond being overweight and having PCOS/Hypothyroid--those 2 are out of my control and contribute to the weight) that I wouldn't feel like that and so on.
Skip forward again to 17 months PP. I was told that I had cancer and would die soon because I had a huge growth (the size of a 20 week fetus) that had gotten so large so fast, there is no other explanation. Tests after tests finally revealed that there was actually a lap sponge and surgical tape left within my abdomen from the cesarean. That was the cause of the "tumor" and 2 surgeries later, I was told that there "was hope" that everything would be fine, beyond the scarring and adhesions. 6 weeks later, I conceived E.
Birth #2
I called around 10 OBs and interviewed 3 in person before deciding on a VBAC-friendly OB. Things were going well and he provided forms reflecting VBAC as safer than a repeat cesarean. At 30 weeks, things started to change. I had decided to have a home birth by that point, so after finding the right midwife, my OB became shadow care (he never knew that was the case) and thank goodness for that wise decision! I started hearing "unproven pelvis" and "dead baby" from the "VBAC-friendly" OB.
By 34 weeks he was telling me that I was high risk because overweight women rarely have the stamina and endurance needed to have a vaginal birth. I started bringing witnesses to every appointment because being in his office was a nightmare. He was painfully aware of my trauma surrounding my last cesarean and STILL never relented on the dead baby theories. The only reason I continued to see him was because he was in my medical plan and could authorize any lab work my midwife asked me to get (i.e. thyroid checks). By my 39 week appointment, the doctor would get red-faced angry and tell me that I was killing my over 11lb baby and that I required an immediate cesarean.
At 40 weeks, we compromised and I agreed to a NST. The OB refused to do it in office, saying they didn't have the equipment. That I had to go to the hospital. I found out later that it was a blatant lie and an attempt to force a cesarean. The OB had called in advance, "explaining" to the hospital what he needed done. I told him and I told them that I refuse ultrasound. They told me that they HAD to measure the babies heart and would not do anything else via ultrasound. AFTER they had already measured the fluid levels, they informed me that I had a dangerously low AFI (later found out it was 6.9, which is within the published ACOG guidelines at 40 weeks pg) and that I needed to stay and have a cesarean. They wanted to escort me straight to L&D after the NST. I refused. The NST was perfect, not a blip, textbook perfect. I stood up, told them I would not sign any consent forms and that I was going home. There was more, but lets say everyone was giving me "dead baby" and "the OB will not tolerate this" language even while I was walking out of the building.
At 41 weeks pregnant and after no less than 6 harassing dead baby phone calls per day since the NST (including weekends), my OB dropped me from his care for "non-compliance." Whew, I could finally gestate in peace.
Around 9:00 a.m., July 14th, I felt the first small pangs of labor, only I didn't know it was labor. At 41+4 days gestation, I was beginning to think that E had made his home in utero and wasn't coming out. I'd had several episodes of B-H contractions that made me wonder if I was in labor, only to be disappointed, so I wasn't going to get excited again. Plus, I had an appointment that morning with my wonderful midwife, V, at 10:00 and she'd be able to tell if anything was going on. Unfortunately, I let the OB's badgering get to me mentally and spent half the visit with the midwife that morning crying about how the baby was never going to get here and that maybe we should consider labor-inducing herbs. After a long discussion of the
pluses/minuses, we decided to have V try to scrape my membranes. Unfortunately, I was only 80% effaced and 0 dilated. It wasn't worth the possible tissue damage and we left things alone. Happy to be further along than I was when labeled FTP and c-sectioned 2 years ago, I left thinking another week or so to go. I stopped by the grocery store and bought some homeopathics that V has had some reasonable success starting labor with and was contemplating starting them in the next couple days. At that point, I started feeling some stronger abdominal pains, but they were far apart and again, I chalked it up to
Braxton-Hicks.
At noon, I was feeling contractions around 10 minutes apart, but still believed they were B-H and would go away. They weren't regular or overly painful, so I pulled out the breast pump I bought when #1 was born and pumped for a half hour (V had mentioned this might also start labor). Not only did it get labor going strongly, I think it over stimulated and caused the contractions to become close together too early. By the time I had pumped for a half hour, about 12:45 at that point, the contractions were 4 minutes apart and getting stronger. I put the pump away and finished watching a movie I had rented. About 2:30, I called V to let her know that the contractions were getting stronger and were finally regular. I didn't need her to come over, but wanted to let her know she'd probably get "the call" that night. I started cleaning up the house because I finally realized labor was happening and that E was going to be here in the next day or two.
I called hubby at work and let him know he'd have to leave work early to go and get #1 from preschool as the contractions were strong enough that driving was out of the question. I told him I didn't want anyone around me at this point, so don't leave work yet, just let them know you're leaving early. Lots of luck with that, he was so excited, he left right away and drove around a bit. I called him about 3:30 and said he could come home because it was getting hard to get housework done and there was a lot to do before the midwives showed up. He felt he needed to call the midwife once the contractions were 3 minutes apart, so he called V and I got in the bathtub. I told the midwife it would still be hours and she agreed, but thought it would be best to send out the assistant midwife (J) who was already in the area. J got to our house around 7:00 p.m. and checked to see how the baby and I were doing. She couldn't tell how dilated I was, but she could tell the head was coming down far with every contraction so she asked V to head over to the house.
Our Doula got to the house around 8:30 and V arrived around 9:30. I moved from the bath tub to the birth tub (kiddy pool we had bought for the birth) and stayed in the tub until about 10:00. I kept feeling the head move down during contractions, but then it would just move right back up, so I told V nothing was happening with the pushing. Having been at hundreds of births, V's intuition kicked in and she thought checking me for dilation was a wise idea--that way I didn't expend energy pushing when it wasn't time. I was only 3 to 4 cm when she checked shortly after her arrival and I was severely disappointed. E was also posterior at the time, so I was having some tough back labor. Fortunately, he didn't stay posterior for long (changing my positions also changed his).
Around 10:00 I moved from the tub to the bed-definitely not a favorite. It was horrible changing positions, but I knew the ladies (V, J and my doula) were right and changing positions was the best thing to do. After some contractions on the bed, I had to go to the bathroom and went to sit on the toilet. That is when things really got moving. I sat on the toilet from around 10:30 until almost midnight, trying to urinate and not wanting to change positions again (the first 2 to 3 contractions when I moved were hard to get through).
When I started grunting and pushing hard to urinate, V realized it sounded like I was actually pushing the head down and got the group to remind me of changing positions again. I really didn't want to at that point as contractions were one on top of the other and it was all I could do to catch my breath in between. Our Doula got me up and half carried me over to the bed as I could hardly walk with the strength of the contractions. As we left the bathroom, my doula brought up that finally had some bloody show. I was almost crushed as I assumed that meant I was probably only about 6 at that point. I figured most women have bloody show well before 3-4 cm, but I knew I had to be further than that since it had been 3 hours since I was checked. Ugh, prayer time-at that point; I thought about transporting to the hospital to get an epidural, but I had had one previously and back then, it stopped my labor all together. I was not going to have another cesarean!
So, I lay on the bed, it was midnight, the contractions were difficult and my doula kept reminding me to breath and stay on top of the contractions. I couldn't breathe through the contractions anymore and just held my breath grunting through them. I felt like my body was pulling into one huge 6 foot contraction and I shouted that my body was cramping up. V and my doula both tried to help with the cramping immediately, I grabbed my leg (I was on my side) and just lifted it up. Obviously, it was just the natural urge to push and not cramping, but I didn't know it at the time.
V had thought I was in pushing stage, but didn't want to say anything as nothing in labor is for sure. V let the others know and my doula got the camera ready, got DH and so on. I was still clueless and kept having these contractions that forced me to grab my leg and
contract my whole body. I told everyone that it felt like he was moving down then going right back up and V reassured me that it what was supposed to happen. Finally around 12:15 I understood what was happening and could feel the head moving down-actually he was almost out. V saw there was meconium and knew I had low amniotic fluid, so she instructed my doula to make sure I didn't push after the head was out. I heard everyone talking about it, but could only concentrate on getting E out. I knew I would tear if I pushed too hard, but honestly, I didn't care any more. I pushed with all I had and then kept pushing some more. A few contractions later, E's head was out and V/my doula were telling me to take short breaths and not to push any more. V quickly suctioned E's mouth and nose and he was born at 12:35 a.m. on Friday, July 15th.
The extreme hormones and euphoria of what we had accomplished removed any remembrance of the pain a few
minutes earlier. It was incredible. Nothing ever felt like that before. E was so beautiful and things were awesome. I bled a bit more than I should have, so after a while, V started pushing for the placenta to come out. V tugged a little on the cord, to encourage the placenta to release and I pushed with all I had at every contraction. Finally around 1:15 the placenta came out and more bleeding occurred. V continued with the herbs and started telling me that I was going to have to get a shot of pitocin if I didn't stop bleeding soon. I really didn't want pitocin as I'd had it with Elizabeth and I knew what it felt like. No thanks! We all prayed and really concentrated on stopping the bleeding, which happened fairly soon after that. After reviewing the placenta, it looked as though I had a partial separation of the placenta from the uterine wall-causing the extra bleeding. Fortunately, all ended well and it was just clean up from there.
I did have a short 1st-degree tear right at the very end from pushing too hard and fast, but I knew that would happen at the time. Within a few hours, I was eating and showering, thanks to my wonderful birth team. It was an amazing experience and I wish that all women could know the joy of birthing in a comfortable environment with an experienced team of women. There was such a sense of calm and peace through the entire experience that I would never birth unnecessarily outside of my home again.
Maddy's Story (2 c/s, 1 hospital VBAC, 1 home VBAC)
Kmom's Notes: Another posterior baby story. She used a combination of patience, homeopathic remedies, rocking the hips, and the 'all-fours' position to turn the baby, plus a tub to help cope with the pain in the meantime. Labor stalled at 6 cm, common with posteriors. But because they were willing to wait things out and not force the issue with pitocin, their proactive measures did turn the baby and resulted in a VBAC; in most hospitals this would have turned into another c/s.
Birth Story
Baby #1 was a 42-week planned c-section for breech. The doctor wasn't comfortable trying to deliver her, and couldn't turn her (the cord looked like it might be around her neck). No labor or cervical changes at all.
Baby #2 was also a 42-week baby, an attempted VBAC with "midwives." (Hah! I trusted in the "midwife" label, but they really knew next to nothing that could have helped me. Spontaneous labor began the day before I was to be induced, but I was "only" progressing 1 cm every few hours, which wasn't fast enough. By the time 30 hours had passed, I was "stuck" at 6.5 cm, and had a beta-strep infection, so I consented to a c-section.
The hospital was horrid, and I vowed never to go back there, no matter how far I had to travel. Later, I learned that not eating, and being tied to the bed to "get a good reading on the monitor" had probably significantly contributed to my "failed" VBAC effort.
With Baby #3, I searched everywhere for a caregiver that would give me the benefit of trusting my body to do its job. I needed to move, I needed to eat, I needed to progress at my own pace. I called everywhere, and visited two local practices. One doctor took a look at my chart and told me, "You're overweight, you're out of shape, you failed at labor twice before, you don't progress, and you're going to end up being sectioned anyway. This is a waste of your time and mine." I picked up my jaw from the floor, and moved on...
I was ready to drive almost two hours to a midwifery practice, but one more doc was recommended to me, just across the state line (about 15 miles away). He was wonderful! He calls himself "a midwife in a doc suit," and it's *so* true. He truly believed I could do a VBAC, and was willing to work with me.
Because the first two babies were 9 pounders at 42 weeks, I consented to using a prostaglandin gel to see if we could coax a smaller baby to come at 40 weeks. For three days, I had three gel treatments a day, doses of castor oil, herbal tinctures, homeopathic remedies (pulsatilla and Kali Carb 30) to turn a posterior baby... I had decent labor during the day, went home at night--not too bad, except that by the third day, I was still only about 6 cm dilated--the same place I got stuck last time.
I consented to having my water broke, even though it was a bit earlier than I would have liked. My contractions completely stopped for almost six hours! They suddenly returned though, hard and heavy, at which point, I used a tub (what a lifesaver, especially in getting my own weight off of my back!), and a lot of hot compresses on my back. After three hours of hard back labor, the baby rotated around from her posterior position. Another two hours, and I had dilated the final 3 cm, and she was born!
It was the most wonderful, exhilarating experience of my life. I did it! I actually conquered the beast within, and my body worked as it should, to birth my baby. Funny thing was, even at 40 weeks, she was right at nine pounds anyway! But I did it, with no pain medication, no pit drip, no c-section!
My doc said, "You had the most functional dysfunctional labor I've seen... way to go!" I know I would have been sectioned eight times over anywhere else. The staff was so supportive, and no one made any of those horrible comments like the one nasty doctor had made. (I did want to take my baby and hold her in his face and say, "How's THAT for a waste of time?!?!")
Here I am, almost three years later, with a midwife (new to my area, and absolutely terrific!) who "doesn't see any reason whatsoever why I can't have a home birth." I'm still the same size, but I'm a different woman... I'm confident, I know my body can do it, and I'm looking forward to a great home birth!
Update: Maddy had her home VBA2C just recently! She had another girl, and this baby was 9 lbs. 11 oz. Below is her short version of the birth story.
I had labor off and on all week, so my midwife came Wednesday afternoon to see what we could do to get long and strong and steady labor. I agreed for her to strip my membranes, and things kicked in quickly then. From 7 p.m. to 1 a.m., I dilated from 5 cm to 9-10 cm. I would contract well for an hour or more, then they would slow down and I'd sleep for 45 minutes of so, with contractions spreading out to 5-10 minutes apart. Then my friends would get me up and get me back to work again.
I started pushing about 2 a.m., in the bathroom on all fours, then with one leg half on the toilet seat and me sort of crouching over, then standing....you name it, I tried it!! She was moving down but would NOT crown! My perineum is like vinyl, they said. ;-) She was "right there" for over an hour, and in spite of hot compresses and massage, she just wouldn't crown completely. So my midwife snipped (her second episiotomy EVER!!!), a tiny, tiny little snip, and let me tear from there.
I pushed her out slowly---her head stopped AFTER crowning, but before it was out, and I got a great look in the mirror, and FELT her head finish delivering!!! It was SOOOO cool!!! Then the rest of her came out, again with me feeling her descent and move out---one shoulder at a time...and then it was DONE!!!.....She nurses like a pro, and we're doing well.
Jenanne's Story (c/s, then VBAC)
Kmom's Notes:
Birth Story
First, I must offer a plug for my midwives -- they were *gold*! I love 'em and wish to God they were doing VBAC when I had my second child; as it was I ended up with an obstetrician then... but I digress.
My labour began lightly about two weeks after my due date. The midwives had, in fact, told me that if I didn't start before Monday (this was on Friday), I'd be sent to the hospital for the birth instead of being allowed to give birth at the center. This seemed a fate worse than death, so my labour began. :)
Contractions stayed erratic but no more than 10 minutes apart for two days. Finally, things began to speed up -- consistent 5 minute apart contractions -- but at the same time, my daughter's heart rate began to flux from 40 bpm to 200 bpm during contractions. I was taken at that point to the hospital where a mere thirty extremely invasive minutes later, the doctors decided to perform a c-section on me. I had an epidural for this; my midwife and my godmother were both allowed in the OR with me. Some small tugging and tense minutes later, E was born! She was utterly healthy, cried like a baby, and was beautiful beyond what my 19 years could imagine...
Latch on was a nightmare; blisters, bleeding, pain. The lactation consultants, La Leche League, and more were unable to make this better and six months later I stopped breastfeeding as a birthday gift to myself (my nipples took six more weeks to heal after that!).
Baby #2: M was born vaginally after a short (relatively!) labour of 4 hours or so. Contractions started, we went to the hospital, they said I wasn't dilated enough, we went home, we went back, my water broke, they let us stay. :) At that point I was dilated a mere 2 cm... the OB said, "She's gonna be a while, I'll be at home." M was born 30 minutes later. I was convinced that I wouldn't be able to give birth vaginally; that I was "defective" -- so no one was more surprised than me when her head crowned and *whoosh* she was born!
I was declared "untorn" and sent to my room; hours later when I was still bleeding I was declared "torn" and sent back down stairs to be stitched. Small tear; healing was a breeze compared to the c-section! No breastfeeding -- no milk; breast reduction surgery healed such that it wasn't possible.
Dee Bitner's VBAC Story (c/s; hospital transfer VBAC)
Kmom's Notes: Dee had a prior baby by c/s because of a malposition.
Birth Story
At 41 weeks, 5 days I'd been taking cohosh off and on for a couple of days. I was planning a home birth with midwives. Nothing was happening. I agreed to an ultrasound to check baby size. I was delighted to hear that Pounce (gender still unknown, since she was LOA - remember that position!) was between eight and eight and a half pounds. My husband and I both knew I could birth a baby of that size. This US was at 8am on Friday morning, by the way. I had slept for about four hours that night... Turner Classic Movies was showing Hiyao Miyazaki films and I really wanted to watch them. (Yes, I'm a geek. Thanks!)
While on the table, I had three surges (contractions, for those not familiar with HypnoBirthing [HB] language). My husband is currently working grave shift, so we ate breakfast and went home. He went to bed. I should have, but being stupid I stayed up and got on the computer. Surges were light and far apart. I'd had stronger and more regular for weeks, so I didn't think anything about it. I took a brief nap at around one, but people kept calling the house and waking me up.
At around five, I realized surges were closer and they were getting stronger. My husband had to go pick up our older daughter, but I had a distinct feeling that things were different. By the time he got back, I knew they were. A good friend (a guy friend, actually) who was more or less serving as my doula came over and the three of them worked together to fill the Aquadoula. Once it was filled, I got in. It felt fantastic. By this time it was approaching midnight.
Saturday morning, 42 weeks, I posted my last to the ICAN list and got off the computer. I should have slept. Instead, I used my HB techniques and listened to music. Things became a bit more intense. Around 4am I called the midwife. She came over...
And I was two centimeters and minus one. Just as I'd been two days earlier. The baby was not pressing down on the cervix. The midwife left at 5am with surges erratic if strong. My Mom came over to get my daughter.
At 6am, all hell broke loose. I'd tried to rest in the tub, but something felt wrong. My husband had to sleep, so the family friend took over. We went downstairs so I could vocalize without waking him. I went into strong, long, close, intense surges. If I'd had a hint of back labor, I would have known what to do, but the surges were all up front.
I labored like that till about 3pm. The tub ceased to relax me. The only place I could relax and focus was the shower, but of course we didn't have that much hot water so I couldn't stay there. I began to feel panicky. I knew I needed to stay upright to bring the baby down, and lying on my side felt awful anyway, so I sat on the birth ball or stood and danced. At 3pm we called the midwife over. She checked me, and I was at 3, same station, only fifty percent effaced. She called in the senior midwife.
At that point, I realized a couple of things. One was that something was odd with the baby's position in some way. The other was that I was exhausted. I'd gotten about six hours total of sleep since Thursday, and it was Saturday afternoon. I was not going to open any more until I got rest. I wasn't going to get rest without help.
The senior midwife got there and confirmed what was going on. She watched me through a surge and we discussed options. I kept saying that I needed to sleep; that once I slept I would open up quickly and easily. The midwife also thought the baby was posterior. At some time during the night, she had flipped around. For the first time in more than six weeks, she was in a bad position. My instinct also told me that something was keeping her up in my womb, and that the uterus needed some time to work her down.
We made the decision to transfer so that I could get sleep. I hate epidurals. With my older daughter, it had only taken on one side. Still, it was the best way I was going to progress at that point.
The ride to the hospital (all of fifteen minutes long) was... I'd really like to forget it. Since I'm in a CPM-illegal state, my midwife came along as my doula. When they asked me a question, rather than say something that might have gotten her in trouble I asked her to talk for me. It worked well. In triage, they insisted I lay down while they got their triple-cursed twenty-minute strip. Now... intense as things were, the only time I felt *pain* was when I was lying down. If I was standing up, the surges felt productive and (if not a pleasant pressure) mostly like pressure.
They verified the baby was tolerating surges well, so they took me up to L&D. Then I had to wait for the results of my blood test. Meanwhile, I labored as best I could. I did have lots of blood showing, so I knew I might be progressing, but it was very difficult lying down. Then I started to feel the back labor. On the one side, yay, the baby was moving down. On the other... well.
They went ahead and put in an internal monitor. Once the stupid belts were off I tolerated things better. There was meconium, but at 42 weeks who would be surprised? They pumped fluid back in to cushion her.
Finally, at 9 or so, I got the epidural. Sure enough, my blood pressure (normally low) dropped. They gave me epinephrine to raise it, but I responded well to that. Pounce continued to be OK. And I finally got the sleep I needed to open. The midwives left to get rest. If I'd had any brains, I would have called them back later, but I didn't. :/
When they examined me before the epidural, I was open to six. After sleeping, I was still open that much, but (predictably) the surges had spaced out and weakened. We agreed to a very low dose of pitocin to get them going, since we were now on the clock. What I'd hoped would be an intervention-free birth was going down the cascade, but after three hours of sleep I could think again. I told anyone who would speak to me that I really wanted to labor down. They agreed. It was about 3 am.
At about 4 am I started to feel rectal pressure. I didn't say a word. I was back to using my HB techniques, since I could still feel surges through the epidural and I could definitely feel pressure. I focused on imagining white light around my baby and the baby's head moving down and into the birth path. At about 5:30, the pressure went from being only during surges to constant. I still didn't say anything. Everyone thought I was sleeping, but I wasn't. I was deep within myself with the baby. The baby's heart rate continued to do well.
Finally, I told them I was feeling pressure. Sure enough, I was complete and the baby was at +1. I continued to labor down for a while while they set up for the birth. We tried a practice push to see how Pounce tolerated those. Everything bounced back perfectly, so we moved ahead toward birth.
The doctors confirmed that the baby had moved back around to LOA. That gave me the permission I needed to let go and work with the pushes. It took me about 45 minutes to get the hang of pushing efficiently, but I finally figured out I had to curl the upper part of my body and push straight down along my spine. That moved the baby.
It felt like it was taking forever. Every instinct in my body told me to be up on my feet with one leg up on something, not lying on my side with my feet on a squat bar. I began to feel a little panicky again from fighting those instincts, but my husband was strong and supportive and kept me focused. The doctor who came in was the same one who'd been there in triage. She'd been supposed to go offshift at 6, and it was well after 7.
Suddenly, during a push, I thought the doctor had inserted her fingers to stretch me. I gasped "You're hurting me!" and stopped pushing. Everyone immediately yelled at me to keep going, the baby's head was RIGHT THERE. I realized with a shock that Pounce's head was the stretching and man, did I throw myself into that next push! And then there it was: the head on my perineum. I couldn't reach her head, but it didn't matter. I could feel it.
The next push, her shoulders slipped free. I felt a rush of fluid follow her out of me. The peds team was there because of the meconium, but her apgar scores were 5 and 9... just like her big sister's. And my husband was the one to tell me that we had birthed Inari Joy Aurora instead of Gawain, which I'd desperately wanted him to do.
I had a third-degree tear and she had a mildly fractured collarbone. I think she'd had a nuchal hand, since I tore from the inside out instead of back to front. She didn't have any dystocia, so I believe her collarbone fractured as her hand was being pushed down. Also, as I'd suspected, her cord was wrapped once. She'd been prevented by that from dropping down.
Do I wish I'd had her at home? Yes. Always. But I feel very good about my decisions.
Sallette's Story (c/s, VBAC after long hard labor)
Kmom's Notes: Sallette had a very long, hard labor in her VBAC. She did an awesome job to keep going so long under such difficult conditions! It's difficult to tell but the relative highness of the baby, the back labor, and the difficulty dilating suggest that perhaps the baby's position was not optimal, but it's hard to know for sure. She's correct that most other doctors would've ordered a c/s during this long labor; sometimes instead of putting a labor on a time clock, waiting it out (with a little pain relief if necessary) can make all the difference. Because mother and baby were both okay despite the long labor, they chose to proceed anyhow, and she ended up with a normal vaginal birth as a result.
Birth Story
C/S Story: I was due May 15th and on May 27th, the doctor wanted to induce. I was willing even though I wasn't dilated or anything (or dilated just a fingertip) because it was in the desert and it was 100 degrees. Also I hadn't even had a Braxton Hicks contraction or anything no matter how much I walked, etc. I was clueless about how often inductions lead to c-sections.
I went into the hospital around 7 p.m. on the 27th and they did a prostaglandin gel application. Started having contractions right away (all back labor). Around midnight they did another p-gel application and my contractions got stronger. By 5 a.m. I hadn't dilated anymore so pitocin was started. Talk about hell. Again it was all back labor, not a single contraction in my stomach even though baby was not posterior. I had been walking periodically until the pitocin was started. An interesting thing to note was that my water never broke but I had minimal amniotic fluid, like none at all. Nothing came out when they put on an internal fetal monitor. By 10 a.m. I was begging for some pain relief and I still hadn't dilated AT ALL, so I got an epidural.
By 1 p.m. I still had not dilated and the baby was showing some minimal signs of distress. The doctor told me that if I had dilated at all he would wait because the baby wasn't experiencing major signs of distress but since I had not dilated he recommended the c/s. I think that it was the right thing; my son wasn't breathing right when he was born and had to spend a week in the NICU. The doctor noted when he did the c/s that I had no amniotic fluid at all. I never had leaking or anything. C had a lung infection and I really think that I probably had not had amniotic fluid for a while and that is why he had the infection. So basically I had a c/s for "Failure To Progress" (FTP).
VBAC Story: All night Monday I was having contractions AND my 22 month-old was up with what we thought was a cold. I had a doctor's appointment on Tuesday and was trying to wait until 9:30 a.m. for my appointment but ended up going to the hospital instead. They checked me and I wasn't dilated at all but was having contractions every 5 minutes but they were only lasting 30-45 seconds so they sent me home. [Kmom note: Some hospitals will not send a VBAC mom in labor home, which tends to lead to more intervention, pitocin, etc. Fortunately, this hospital was not one of these.]
Coped at home all day Tuesday and was lying down to go to bed around 9 p.m. Tuesday night and the contractions got really bad (everything had been happening in my back and I was starting to lose control), so back we go to the hospital. The nurses hook me up and check me; no dilation, no effacement, contractions 3 minutes apart and lasting 45 seconds to 1 minute. The doctor comes and offers me stadol and morphine to get me through the night which I agree to.
Wednesday morning they check me again. I'm just a fingertip and about 50% effaced. Contractions are the same. The doctor doesn't want to give me anything for pain for fear that it will stall things. I tell her I'll hang in there. My doula comes Wednesday morning and we spend the day getting me through contractions one by one. My DH is holding up really well also. My family practice doctor brings in her consulting OB just in case we have to do a c/s (family practice docs can't do those). She is willing to concede my wishes at every point but we need to acknowledge the reality of another possible c/s. Baby is way high, contractions are not bringing dilation or effacement despite changes in position, walking, everything you can think of.
At 6 p.m. I start having transition-type labor (that's what the doula tells me). Contractions 1-3 minutes apart, some lasting for as long as 2 minutes. I get in the shower, have hubby and doula punch and massage my back. After 3 hours I'm begging for drugs. Nurse checks me and I'm still at 1. She calls my doctor who says I can do the Stadol and morphine again (which wasn't very helpful the night before) or we can start looking at a c/s but she wants to come in and check me first. I'm about ready to cave at this point because the nurse is telling me that I won't get the morphine and Stadol "till bedtime."
Doctor checks me and I'm between 2-3 and about 80% effaced. I ask for pain medicine and she okays the epidural but reminds me that it may stall things. Dr. L (my DH called him the candyman) gives me the swiftest epidural in history. I think he knew how much pain I was in. I was standing bare-ass naked in a room full of people, moaning loudly (my favorite was FffOOOOOOOO, FFfOOOOOOOOOOOO) and could've cared less who saw me. They could have taken pictures for all I cared! The epidural was in by 10 p.m. and I was able to rest some but was still feeling quite a bit of the contractions. By 3 a.m. Thursday morning I had dilated to 5. The baby was down to-2 station so they broke my water. Also right before they broke my water I started having contractions in my butt and down my legs (not very common from what I hear) and again they were transition-type contractions. I was making my husband pinch my inner thighs as hard as he could (they are still black and blue). So my relief was short-lived.
By 5 a.m. I hadn't progressed much more and my contractions were becoming less effective (probably because of exhaustion), so they started a real low dose of pitocin. I was again begging for relief from the pain but there wasn't much to be done. They tried upping the epidural and ended up just giving me a little Stadol to make me forget in between. The doctor explained that the baby was probably in a position that was pressing on some nerves and that the pit might give me some stronger contractions that could move the baby and ease the pressure but it certainly wasn't possible for my contractions to get any worse and she was right.
By 7 a.m. I was starting to want to push during some of my contractions. I was fully effaced and about 7. Baby was still -2. Nurse suggested that I push when I feel like to see if I could bring the baby down and it worked. At 8:15 a.m. I was fully dilated. The doctor was called back again (she had spent the night at the hospital checking on me every hour or so) and I started pushing for real. At 8:57 a.m., E was born. The doctor even asked before giving me a small episiotomy because I started tearing. She cried when it was all over too and gave me a big hug.
I know I didn't express really well how respectful she and all of the nurses were and how supportive she really was of my decision but I think that if I had had another doctor I would've been sectioned for sure. The doula was terrific, DH was great, and I still can't believe that I got to hold my 9 lb. 2 oz. chunky man right after he was born and the cord was still pulsing. It was the most incredible experience of my life!!!!! I'm a little sore but I just had my first BM and it wasn't as bad as after my c/s. I'm sure there is all kinds of important stuff I'm leaving out but them's the facts.
VBAC Update: I had a third full-term pregnancy and a second VBAC. I was due Aug. 11th but in April I started having lots of contractions and by May 17th I was placed on bedrest. I was allowed out of bed 4 hours every day. It was extremely difficult and very emotionally taxing since I had a 3 year-old and a 15 month-old.
By the beginning of August I felt literally like I was losing my mind and at the end of my rope. I wasn't getting any sleep and had contractions all of the time. The doctor kept putting me off for an induction basically because my cervix wasn't ripe or dilated, but by Aug. 8th I couldn't take it anymore and basically broke down in the dr.'s office. So she agreed to try a couple of gel applications to see if we could get things started. The night of the 8th I went to the hospital for a gel application and then home for some rest. When I went back at 6 a.m. I was softer but no dilation so they did another gel application and let me rest at the hospital for a while. The dr. checked me at 1 p.m. and I was 1 cm, not considerably softer but my cervix wasn't so far back, and so she okayed me to start the pitocin. I was on the pitocin until about midnight and was about 60% effaced but still 1 cm. They turned the pitocin off so that I could get a shower, something to eat (they didn't let me eat all day), and some rest.
The morning of the 10th they started the pitocin around 6 a.m., I was a 'soft' 1 cm, and I was on pitocin again until midnight. At that time I was 2 cm and about 70% effaced. The morning of the 11th, they started the pitocin again at 6 a.m. and I was still 2 cm. They checked me throughout the day and by 1 p.m. there still wasn't much change. I was starting to get frustrated and exhausted. I had been having pretty strong contractions for two and a half days. The thought of c-section flashed through my mind and DH and I decided that if by Sunday morning I hadn't made considerable progress we would opt for the c/s. My first VBAC had been 48 hours of back labor so I knew that I had long labors but felt that by Sunday I would've done everything possible for ME to do at that point, that emotionally I was just too drained and didn't have any resources left.
At 3 p.m. they checked me again (the dr. had gone home) and I was 3 cm. At this point I asked for an epidural because again I flashed on my first labor and I was afraid I still had quite a ways to go and felt that managing the pain for 2.5-3.0 days was taking too much out of me and that I wouldn't be able to muster the energy to push (even though I have to say I didn't have as much back labor and it was considerably easier than my first VBAC). I was also very emotional and shaky and kept saying to DH, "Why am I getting freaked out, why am I so upset? The pain isn't as bad as the first time but I'm freaking out." It flashed through my mind that maybe I was hitting transition.
The anesthesiologist got there around 3:30 p.m. and by 4:00 p.m. I was getting some relief so the dr. decided that since I had gotten some relief they would break my water and put in some internal monitors. I was 4 cm and 80% effaced. At 5:30 p.m. I asked for a bolus [extra dose] because the contractions were really really strong and way down low in the front. (Again I kept flashing to my first VBAC and anticipating that it was just going to keep getting worse for a LOOOONG time. I don't know why I kept thinking that way, I guess to prepare myself for the worst.) At 6 p.m. I wanted to push, even through the epidural I could feel the urge to push. The anesthesiologist was very good; throughout I could feel contractions but had enough pain relief to take the edge off.)
I started pushing while they called the doctor. She got there about 6:30 p.m. and my vulva and labia were swollen quite a bit so she numbed me a little in anticipation of a small episiotomy. She had me pushing with my legs pushed back by DH and the nurse. She gave me a very small episiotomy and my daughter came into the world at 7:03 p.m. I knew that we were having a girl but I hadn't believed that it was true. (I have 2 boys and my sisters have 4.) I kept saying, "What is it?" and then, "My baby girl is here! My baby girl is here!" She was 8 lbs. 14 oz., 21 inches long, and had a 14 inch head.
So that was my glorious second VBAC. It was wonderful, and I think the key in both of my VBACs was having drs. who supported VBAC. I had very long labors both times; that seems to be how I'm built and if I didn't have drs. who believed in VBACs I know that I would've had c/s both times. The dr. told me later that if things hadn't changed by 9 p.m. that night she was going to have the c/s talk with me. My sister told me that I had lost the first argument with my daughter. I wanted her to come earlier and she came on her due date, when she wanted!!!
Jen S's VBAC (difficult c/s, then VBAC)
Kmom's Notes: Jen S. had a terrible experience with her first labor and birth, including a horrible c/s. She was determined not to repeat that experience again. For some women a c/s is no big deal or even a relief, but for some women they are truly traumatic. These are often the women who are the most highly motivated to seek a VBAC.
Jen notes that this baby was bigger than her c/s baby who was 'too big to pass through my pelvis'. This is a common theme in many VBAC stories; the doctors tell the woman that she is 'too small' or the baby is 'too big', yet the woman goes on to have a vaginal birth with a subsequent baby that is much bigger than the previous one. Usually a "CPD" diagnosis means instead that something was wrong with the baby's position so it couldn't fit through easily, or the mother's position was not optimal for getting a baby through. True cases of CPD do occur, but they are quite unusual. It's usually more of a positional problem instead of the mother being 'too small' or the baby 'too big'.
Birth Story
I was having lots of Braxton-Hicks contractions and this was so exciting for me because I didn't have any (or notice) with my previous child. Mostly they were tight and high in my tummy---making me feel like I couldn't breathe. Saturday they changed to being really low and also in my back. They hurt. I had them all morning and by 11 they went away. I had some more that evening but that was it. Sunday, nothing. Monday, they were high again. I enjoyed those contractions much better. On Tuesday, the low ones were back again and coming every 3 minutes. I knew I wasn't in labor because they only lasted 30 seconds and started to space out throughout the day. By this time, the day before my due date, I was done being pregnant. I was feeling like I would never go into labor. I had hit the "I will be pregnant forever" signpost.
I had an appointment with the midwife that afternoon. I was toying with whether or not I would be checked for dilation. It would be the first time I was ever checked. I decided I wanted to know. I was trying to figure out a way that she would tell me if it was good news (being effaced and dilated) and not tell me if I wasn't---to prevent me from getting discouraged--but I couldn't figure out how that would work, so we just went ahead and I prayed for the best. My cervix was very high, she could barely reach it. But she said my cervix was very soft and from what she could tell, I was 2 or 3. Okay, that's good news I guess.
I went home, went about my business and moaned to DH that it was never going to happen. We took a long drive to get my first child to fall asleep in the car. DH wanted to go by his office to grab his tape recorder so we could put it in our bad to take to the birth center. He wanted to tape her first cry. I assured him that he could just get it in the morning when he went to work. I wouldn't be in labor for at least another week!
We went home and went to bed. I didn't fall asleep until 12:30. I woke up with some more low contractions. They really hurt and I had to concentrate to relax through them. I didn't look at the clock to time them, I just tried falling back asleep. I think it was around 2 or 3 when they started. I didn't sleep well because they kept coming and waking me up. Finally I decided to get up because I couldn't sleep anymore. It was around 5:30. I went to the bathroom and I had lost my mucus plug. Good, I thought, I must be dilating! DH woke up when he heard me. I said, "You're not helping me! And I'm going downstairs." He got up and came with me. We had no idea if this was it or not. All I knew was that they hurt. We timed them to see what they were doing. 3 minutes apart, 45 seconds long. We decided to call our doula. She wanted us to call her just in case, even if it weren't the real thing. DH told her we didn't know if there was it so for her to not cancel anything for the day but we just wanted her to know.
Then we called the birth center. I was talking to the idiots at their answering service when I had another contraction and just gave the phone to DH. I couldn't do both. The midwife called back and spoke with DH. Then I called my other doula. She is getting her doula certification and needed to attend some births so I was letting her come. I spoke with her on the phone and told her I needed her to come over. I told her that during the night, as I was trying to get some sleep that I dreamed she was sitting next to me on the bed with a book about helping women in labor and that my dream helped me sleep for an hour stretch. It was a silly thought so I laughed. She said, "I can't come if you are laughing" and I said "I didn't mean to, please come."
DH was running around, making more phone calls. I t seems as if we had to call the entire world. I was starting to believe it was real labor, the contractions were just too strong and I couldn't even try to ignore them anymore. I lost track of time but all of this calling seemed to fly by. I was sitting on my birth ball and DH was pressing on my back as I rested my head on the back of a kitchen chair. I was moaning to get through each contraction. People started to show up around 6:45-7:15. We had my two doulas, my son's support person (he was coming to the birth) and a neighbor who really begged me to let her come and do something. She finished my quilt I had made for the baby that weekend and was running around the house cleaning. My son's support person was great. She just jumped in and got him up, dressed, made him breakfast and played with him.
I was in my own world now and couldn't pay attention to anything at all. It was only 7:30 at that point I think. I went to the bathroom again and lost a lot of mucus. I came out and we tried leaning on the birth ball, standing up and rocking, walking some. By 7:45 I was losing my mind. I could NOT relax anymore. I think I was screaming. I begged to lie down but nobody would let me (strict orders in my birth plan---if I got in bed, I wouldn't get out again). So I tried to lie over some pillows on the couch. Nothing was working anymore. I had DH squeezing my chest which seemed to help, two people putting pressure on my back, my son held a vibrator on my back and my neighbor friend heated up rice socks for my back. My back was KILLING ME!
The contractions were now one minute apart and I wasn't getting any breaks. I was saying I couldn't do it anymore and that I wanted to go to the birth center. I think it was almost 8 at this time. I tried some more positions but I know I was losing my mind. At 8:30 my water broke (all over my freshly shampooed carpet!!) and we were finally going to leave. Our car was only feet from the front door but it took forever to get to it. The ride there was the most horrible thing I have ever had to go through. I begged to get out of the car. DH said, "Do you want to walk to the birth center?" and I decided that I didn't. I was screaming and begging DH to run red lights and speed through school zones.
Finally we got there and the midwife and nurse were in the parking lot waiting for us. I remember them just smiling at me. We got inside and they wanted to check me. Somehow they did as I was standing there. I couldn't move. I was complete except I had an anterior lip. "Go ahead and push," they told me. I pushed on the birth ball at first. It hurt so bad. My back was what was killing me. When I pushed it hurt more. So I know I wasn't pushing effectively. I was holding back. Trying to push, but trying not to at the same time. They got me on the squatting stool. I did that for awhile, and then begged to get in the bed. I was so tired. I just wanted to fall asleep. They let me in the bed on my side with my leg in the air. That bed was SO COMFORTABLE! I tried to sleep in between contractions but they were coming so fast and on top of each other I couldn't do it.
They made me get up again on the stool. I tried it but I just couldn't relax in between so it felt like a constant contraction. I begged to get back in bed. I was starting to realize that if I would push the way they were telling me to that I could push through the back pain and wouldn't feel my back hurting during contractions with long hard pushes. But pushing that hard was very hard.
They checked me again at 10:25. We had been doing this since 9:45. I could feel how high the baby's head was based on how she checked me. But she said I was now complete, no more lip. I started to get serious about pushing. I could feel the baby moving down. This was great. Now I felt like pushing had a purpose, where before it was like pushing nothing. I felt the head start to crown and I just kept pushing. The burning didn't hurt at all, it was a good feeling because I then KNEW that I was doing it! The head came out halfway with one push. Then my contraction stopped and I couldn't push anymore at all until the next contraction came. Funny, but it was then that I had a long break between contractions! I remember wanting the next one to come so I could push. Next one came and I pushed out the head and the body.
They gave the baby to me but her cord was short. I wanted to announce the sex but couldn't lift her because of the short cord. So everyone had to wait until we cut the cord about 10-15 minutes later. I was SO tired I didn't really care. All I cared about was that I had my baby and that I wouldn't have to push anymore!!! By the way, I cut the cord. DH didn't want to.
I had a first degree tear. They fixed that up. Pretty soon, everyone left and the baby and I rested together in bed. We went home five hours after the birth.
Anita's Story (Spontaneous rupture of membranes, c/s 12 hours later; induced hospital VBAC, home waterbirth VBAC)
Kmom's Notes: Anita got trapped by the hospital "rule" that some hospitals follow---that if your water is broken for 12 hours (or 24 hours in other hospitals), you must have a cesarean due to "risk of infection." Of course, this risk of infection is largely created by the hospital doing vaginal exams and other invasive procedures. When all vaginal exams and other invasive procedures are avoided and the mother's temperature is carefully monitored, many midwives find they can safely go longer after the waters break spontaneously.
Anita had an induced hospital VBAC, complete with episiotomy, with baby #2. She was scared into inducing early to prevent the baby from becoming "too big" even though research shows that inducing actually significantly lowers the chances for a VBAC.
With baby #3, Anita planned a homebirth with a direct-entry midwife. However, labor progressed really quickly after days of Braxton Hicks contractions, and the baby was born at home, in the water, shortly before her midwife arrived.
Birth Story
Baby #1 (cesarean): I went into labor 5 days early with spontaneous rupture of membranes (her water broke before labor). [There was meconium.] Like an obedient patient, I went to the hospital, got hooked up to an electronic fetal monitor, and was told, "Doc will be here in 20 minutes for your emergency c-section."
I freaked. My sister had one of those! I screamed that they had better get an anesthesiologist up here pronto for the epidural because I refused to be gassed. In the time it took the anesthesiologist to stick me, the doc to get there, the nurse to shave me, I had a BM on a bedpan in a room full of bustling, loud, rude nurses, and my son's heartrate stabilized. I was "allowed" to continue to labor. After 12 hours (the hospital's "magic hour" for c/sec after membrane rupture), I was sliced and trimmed, muscle and tissue yanked back with a metal spatula, and the doc in my belly near up to his elbow, tugging and pulling my babe out by his neck.
I remember catching a glimpse of his face as they paraded past me out the door with my son. While I was closed up, my mom taped his first bath, shampoo, weigh-in, and he was left alone on a warming table for 11 minutes screaming his poor lungs out to be held. This is NOT the way birth is supposed to be and I am MAD that this happened to me and my son, and angry at my ignorance at allowing it to happen.
Baby #2 (hospital VBAC): After an uneventful pregnancy, I apparently had learned nothing from my previous experience except to change doctors. I was attended by a VBAC specialist who induced me with artificial rupture of membranes 5 days early. After nine hours of pitocin, I was told I could push. I was velcroed into stirrups in lithotomy position, nurses announced when it was time to push while instructing me to hold my breath. I was given oxygen (no wonder baby needed it000I had to hold my breath to push---where does that idea come from anyway?).
As his little hairy head crowned, I was given an episiotomy without my consent. His cord was wrapped around his neck, but instead of somersaulting him through it she chose to cut in on the perineum. One more push, ripping the remainder of the way---end to end---and my son was born gray and floppy. They took him to a warming table and after about 90 second he let out a faint weak cry. They wrapped him and whisked him away for the next four hours for observation. (Why they couldn't observe him as he laid on my bare 98.6 degree chest to be warmed, I don't know. He developed colic which persisted for some 18 months, and he continues to be high need, at 3 years old.) The doc stitched for the next 50 minutes. But I had VBAC'ed!! Looking back on it, I was thrilled then, but appalled now. It was horrible, but still better than my c/sec.
Baby #3 (unassisted home waterbirth VBAC): This time, I learned TONS. I chose a direct-entry midwife and planned a home birth. I was having mild contractions I identified as merely patterned Braxton Hicks contractions, 8 minutes apart, and I was able to sleep through them. They continued through the day until right after dinner, they went to 5 minutes, and then 4 minutes. Still painless, I figured it was just getting close to due date, and I would probably do this for another couple of weeks. After all, my midwife predicted that I would be late.
I had called her early Thursday afternoon, just to let her know the contractions were still there. She and I both agreed I could do this for quite a while! That night, I went for a walk outside, but that didn't seem to do anything. I decided I was tired of these Braxton Hicks, and decided to ask my husband for a "jumpstart" to see if we could change things. (My midwife says, "What gets 'em in there gets 'em out!") Shortly after that "jumpstart" I started having much more intense contractions, now 3 minutes apart. DH had already fallen asleep, so I handled it by myself for about 30 minutes before I knew I needed some help. I woke my husband around midnight, and had him time them. Yes, 3 minutes apart, lasting about 45-60 seconds. I called my midwife at that point to put her on alert, thinking to myself, "It's just the lovemaking, this will go away." While speaking to her, I thought I would start crying. Contractions were getting intense, and I didn't want my husband to touch me. I called my mom as planned, and she decided to come out just in case, even though I was sure we'd just send her back home when the contractions quit.
DH and I decided to go downstairs where the birthing area was set up, and he started readying the futon while I sat on the toilet, emptying my insides. I began to have an inkling that this might be it. Contractions continued in intensity and speed, and I trusted my body and just let it happen. At one point, my moaning through contractions turned into a grunt. "Am I pushing? Nah. It's just the lovemaking." I was really moaning through contractions while he rushed to set up the hoses for the birth tub and finish the bed, racing back to me every 2 minutes to help me through a contraction. I decided to have him begin filling the tub, and I sat on a chair. When I noticed contractions were one on top of another, I told him to call the midwife and have her come. Contractions were non-stop!
The tub wasn't full yet, my mom wasn't here yet, and contractions were really intense! I was moaning really loudly, grunting at times ("Am I pushing?") on that chair, and begged to get in the water. It wasn't quite full yet but I didn't care. DH helped me get off the chair (pulled me off) and I practically fell into the water. It instantly helped, but almost as instantly, I was definitely pushing! DH said, "Are you pushing? Don't push!" I told him to page our midwife, and she called back from her car phone. "She's wanting to push!" he said. She said, "Don't waste your time telling her not to."
My body had taken over. DH was saying, "Don't push!" and I was saying, "I don't have a choice!" I could feel the baby moving down! At one point, I felt down and the head was right there. ("I'm really having this baby!") I was on my knees, holding on to the side of the tub. DH didn't panic, just kept talking to the midwife on her car phone. My moaning and screaming, at that point, had woken up our other 2 boys, and they were crying upstairs. I screamed, "Where's my mom??!!?" She showed up finally at about 1:20 a.m. and calmed the boys down.
I began screaming for her to get the camcorder, the baby was coming! All of a sudden the head was out! Contractions had spaced out, and I could feel hair! I sat calmly in the water, amazed at this little hairy head between my legs. I called to the boys to come see the baby be born! They stood beside the tub, my mom standing there with a camera and the phone, DH beside the tub.
After about 1-2 minutes of calm, I felt another contraction---a short little push, and WOW! Out squirts this BABY!! ("I just had a baby!") DH scooped him up from the water, and handed him to me, and IT'S A BOY!! He was very quiet---he didn't even seem to know he'd been born! He was sound asleep! He was breathing, we could see his chest moving, but he made no sounds, just laid against me. We rubbed his back, and he moved and whimpered a little, then went back to sleep! He was beautiful and perfect.
The midwife arrived about 15 minutes later, and the placenta came out soon after that. I had no perineal tears. He weighed 8 lbs. 12 ounces, with auburn hair and dark blue eyes. One of my boys cut the cord, and the other wanted to cut some of it too! The older boys went back to bed, and we sat around and got to know our new precious one. From the first active labor contractions to his birth was about 2 hours, 15 minutes.
I was told the complications of my first birth, which ended in a cesarean section, were "failure to progress" due to "cephalopelvic disproportion." My second birth was induced to keep him from getting "too big." My beautiful unassisted home birth is now listed technically as having the complication of "precipitous labor." I am thumbing my nose at the system and crying inside for what my other two boys and I missed before.
Kirsten Taylor's Story (c/s for fetal distress; coerced c/s for post-dates and macrosomia, Home VBA2C)
Birth Story
Baby #1: [I had off and on prodromal labor for several days. Finally we went to the hospital, way too early.] While I was waiting to be admitted, I went to use the restroom. As I stood up, I felt a gush and new my water had broken. I went out and told Scott. Finally, they came to take us up to our room. Once in, I was strapped to the EFM, all my vitals were taken. I was only dilated to a 1-2 when I was checked; that really surprised me, but looking back, I went to the hospital WAY too early. In the video I am there smiling and laughing at times. Once we got in the room, my labor sort of slowed down significantly, but then things did pick up within an hour. I had NOT been a woman in active labor when I went to the hospital, oh well, hindsight.
The nurse said she felt hair, possibly dark but couldn't tell the color. We kept arguing how long did I have to keep this EFM on, they wanted it on for 15min. every 45 minutes. It was terrible. B/c of either my weight or baby's position, they could only pick up heart tones when I was on my back. I was having TERRIBLE back labor, and this was just the worst. I was also very frustrated, b/c I was trying to move with the contx, and every time I moved, more fluid was trickling down my leg. The nurse thought I was worried that I was losing so much, but NO! I was disgusted with the feeling like I was peeing myself every time I moved. It was embarrassing feeling and I was self conscious about pouring fluid everywhere. Silly, of course. So, I started getting into a more serious labor pattern, and the last time they checked me was around 8:10pm. I was at 4 cm. I was so frustrated that I was only that far along. I was sitting in a chair rocking back and forth, desperately needing counter-pressure on my back. I remember at one point Scott and my mom were talking and I interrupted them yelling, "Help, contx." Afterwards I apologized for yelling.
I guess it was around 9pm that Kelsey's heart rate started acting up. Things are all fuzzy after that point. They yelled at me to roll over, and I yelled back, "DEAR GOD! I'M HAVING A CONTX!!!" They were having a hard time getting Kelsey's heart to register. They told me they were having trouble with my baby. I got very nervous. They called the ob. At some point there was meconium staining, they said very thick green like pea soup. I know there was an argument about using the internal fetal monitor, we didn't want that at all cost, b/c it screws into the baby's head and sounded terrible. Scott was arguing with the OB, finally I said, Scott, it's okay, just let them. My baby's heart rate kept dropping down to around 40-50 bpm during contx, but it went back up in between contx. The last time I was checked was around 8:10pm I think. Soon after, the OB made the decision to go ahead with a cesarean.
I just remember everything around me fading until I could only see black, as if I was in a dark long tunnel. I was sort of blacking out; more emotionally than anything. I just felt it was all over. I was absolutely devastated. Part of me was so relieved that this pain was going to end soon; the contx and back labor. I then just absolutely HATED myself for thinking that; my nightmare was coming true! I just laid there memorizing the trip to the OR, so angry that my body was failing me. I didn't have the cesarean until 12:26pm. Looking back, I truly believe I was hitting transition when I was in the OR, not at all to the point of pushing, but maybe an 8 or 9. I will never know, of course, but I know I was nauseated and just feeling TERRIBLE. They tried for 30 minutes to give me an epidural. It was truly excruciating. I was in so much pain I thought I would vomit, and everyone was just busying themselves in the OR getting stuff ready. I kept asking if someone would just rub my back b/c of the terrible back labor. On top of everything else, I was freezing, so I was tense all over shivering. That made it worse. I remember the OB acknowledging me once, his warm hand on my arm, it was the best feeling. I thought I would DIE while I had to sit hunched forward for the epidural. The nurse kept getting short with me b/c she didn't think I was holding still; I was in labor. Something about the epidural was messing up, and making my thighs go crazy with pain, they were hitting some nerve. Finally, the anesth. said, we have been trying for almost 30 min, doc, do you want to use general?
I didn't even understand. I had been having oxygen, I thought I was just getting
more oxygen, but it was general. I just remember laying back with a mask on. Next thing I knew I woke up in a very dark place with a nurse busy
around me. I didn't get to see Kelsey for over an hour after she was born. She was born at 12:26pm on July 15. I didn't get to see her until
after 2am, so I didn't ever get to see her on her birthday. Scott went with her to the nursery, I was in recovery. It seemed as though there was
blood everywhere, I woke up to a very nice nurse who was wiping me down, cleaning me up. I was soo out-of-it feeling, I asked if I had had the
baby. Pathetically, I didn't even know. I was just in a dim room being cleaned up. Looking back, it probably wasn't even dim, that doesn't make
sense, it was probably my dazed state. She smiled and said yes, I had the
baby. I asked if it was a girl, she said yes. I asked if she was ok, she said yes, she was just down in the nursery with Scott getting cleaned up.
My own mother got to see my baby before I did. Scott didn't let her hold her though. He thought I should get to hold her first. I was so drugged when I finally did see her, it was just surreal. I just could only say how beautiful she was. Scott told me she had been hungry, she gave up and went to sleep before I got there. My first breastfeeding experience, I laid there passively while the nurse held up my breast and held her to it, trying to get her to suck. I couldn't even keep both eyes open as this went on. How dignified I felt.
Soon after I got home, I wrote an email to a friend of mine. I was still so uneducated about cesareans and what had gone on in my situation. Looking back, I am certain with the proper birth support, I could have birthed my daughter. I reread the email I sent to a friend occasionally. It is from a person who is filled with sadness and disappointment, and who wants desperately to believe what she has been told by the doctors. That is not the person I am now. I do not trust doctors now; I do not like them. Here is the email I sent describing my birth to my friend:
It is pretty hard to get around right now. I am not sure what Scott told you, but as for being in the hospital still, the main reason was because of the pain. Kelsey was already engaged when they performed the c section according to the doctor, so the he really had to tug to get her out of my pelvis. I had to be under general anesthetic. That, on top of just being in labor for about 24 hours and getting a c section was enough to cause me to be very sore. They have already removed the staples, now I just have stitches that will dissolve on their own.
Supposedly I will be feeling my old self (minus the new bowling ball weight boobs - haha) in about 2 weeks. I am very anxious to be able to walk around, hold my baby comfortably, stand up without a huge ordeal, lay down in bed in any comfortable position, be able to GET up from bed without my husband to help pull me up. I think they may have broken me!! This is just terrible!
As for Kelsey's complications, they were all immediate dangers that corrected themselves right after delivery. I think my being in labor for so long and her being positioned posterior (face up rather than face down) made for the distress and subsequent drop in heart rate. I was only vaguely aware of how serious the situation was while it was going on - due to the labor itself, my comprehension level was not at it's highest... But I am kinda glad of that. I panicked anyway when they said there was a problem, I don't know what I would have done had I known her heart rate had dropped to 49 bps, but I am certain it wouldn't have been beneficial to either of us. Her heart stabilized just fine after she was born. She also had swallowed very thick meconium - a lot of it according to the pediatrician, so they had to really suction her out well. It was so bad they were even flushing my uterus with water while she was still inside me to help prevent her ingesting even more, but after she was delivered and cleaned up, she was and is fine.
She is a beautiful, healthy girl. I couldn't be more in love with her. I am so glad she is here. I just can't wait until I can stand up straight and walk around holding her. I think it is just a matter of days away. I am still too weak to hold her while standing right now, but I definitely can while sitting. I can't even hold myself up all the way, and by nighttime each day, I am totally bent over and struggling to walk. Unfortunately, I have to take pain medication to help alleviate some of that - because I have to be able to move around in order to heal better... So I have to take the medication and it is slightly passed on to her when I breastfeed. I was devastated at that thought, but the doctor assured me that it will not have any negative effects on her, and that I must take it in order to heal and be able to provide for her. He says it is still better than formula feeding.
Anyway, I just thought i would write and let ya know that I am home and all is well. Now I just have to get over the initial panic of "Oh my god, I have a baby" and start living!!!
Baby #2: Unfortunately, my second daughter was also born via cesarean. I had a fairly pro-VBAC OB, perhaps the most open-minded in the area (the same as for my first daughter). When it got to the end, there were some due date issues, but the biggest issue was that my daughter measured over 10 lbs in a u/s. Even the technician who did the u/s said this was a VERY rough estimate, b/c she was hunched over inside me, making her abdomen seem larger, and they couldn't get another accurate measure; they needed to get a better estimate. But, the results were, she was measuring past 43 weeks and over 10 lbs.
I still planned on having a VBAC, but my OB called me following the results and told me of the dangers to myself and the baby. He said every day that went by was just putting her more and more at risk. Even though I knew he was wrong, I still succumbed to his scare tactics. I scheduled the cesarean for the next day. My husband had just taken my 16 month old daughter on a walk down the street when I got the call. I still remember the walk to catch up with them and tell them. I was sobbing and crying, I felt as though the world was ending. I had a good friend as my doula, and I knew it would disappoint her. I was scared even to tell her, b/c I was so disappointed in myself, I couldn't bear to have her disappointed in me, as well.
My doula came over and tried to pressured me to try herbal induction. I was so afraid that is what caused Kelsey to go into fetal distress that I had caused it myself messing with herbs. I refused, and she totally understood. She just knew how much I wanted a VBAC, but she also wanted me to know that I could cancel that c/s appt, or not show up. It was so difficult, b/c with all my being I didn't want a c/s. I had totally convinced myself that I was not going into labor b/c I was so afraid. Like the Birthing From Within talks about a mother threatened in the wild will stall labor to get to a safe place. I thought my fear of another cesarean caused me to NOT go into labor. I totally and completely blamed myself, and didn't know the way out. I thought there was just no other choice. I was so devastated. I regretted in the moment ever hiring my friend as a doula, only b/c I had to face her with the decision I made. At that time, I just wanted it to be about me and my husband.
I made the appt, and we went in the following morning. When they were prepping me for the surgery, there was a terrible nurse who was so callous and rough. She did not understand the big deal of a cesarean. She reassured me that it would be fine, but no, I didn't feel at all like it would. I just laid there going back and forth between visiting with my doula and husband, and crying and sobbing, I couldn't stop. The nurse thought I was hurting or scared. When she catheterized me, before anesthetic or anything (standard procedure that I later found out I could have changed) I still remember the pain. I felt as though she had ripped my urethra. I cried and cried, she said it shouldn't hurt. It did. What did she know? Finally my doula nicely told her off; that I was just crying b/c I was hoping for a VBAC and didn't want this.
At least I was able to walk into the OR. I felt like I recognized the doorway to it, I definitely recognized the freezing temperature of the room. I was SOOO scared of the anesthetic. That had been so traumatizing with Kelsey, they tried for 30 minutes to put the epidural catheter in my back, never succeeding. I was alone without support this time when I got my spinal. I was crying and nervous, no one seemed too concerned about it. They did try to reassure me some. When it did finally hit, I think I realized how tense I had been. I had not ever felt so relaxed. My husband came in, and I told him I wanted one of these to go. He thought I had been drugged, but no, I was just relaxed, and completely resigned to the surgery.
The OB and the anesthesiologist argued back and forth about what time this cesarean was supposed to start. I felt invisible. I was just an appt to them, but for me, this was terrible, tragic, and life-altering. I didn't really feel like it mattered whether they wanted to rip out my heart at 12noon or 12:30pm. The OB tried to get the anesthesiologist to allow my Doula to be there with me, but she said it was against hospital policy. At least the OB tried, he really argued with her over this. They all cracked a few jokes about my baby's size; the anesthesiologist, upon seeing my baby, said, "Dr. X, I sure hope you had your Wheaties today! You are sure going to need those Wheaties to help lift that huge baby out of there." I politely chuckled, and it was sort of funny, but inside, I was sooo sad. My OB said, "Please let this be a big baby. Please don't let me pull out a seven pound baby or mom is going to kill me." The anesthesiologist said he got his wish.
Olivia was screaming before they got her all the way out. She was pretty big, 9lbs 15oz, but NOT OVER 10 LBS like the U/S said; not even 10 lbs!! Ugh. Even if she had been, I could have had her naturally. The OB lifted her up for me to see, but all I saw was a foot. I tried to move the curtain so I could see, and they made a stink about me contaminating the field. Ugh. I had no idea; I just wanted to see my baby!!!
Olivia went directly with me into recovery. We were more knowledgeable and comfortable refusing the bath and everything so that I could have her immediately. The OB gave me a shot of morphine. I think as a result of it, I broke out into a terrible itching fit that was unlike anything I had experienced. It was just terrible. I itched over every ounce of my being! They offered a shot for that, but I was sooo paranoid about Olivia getting all these drugs, that I refused.
Olivia nursed like a pro from the start, and she showed no signs at all of breathing problems as a result of the cesarean. Nor did she show any post-maturity. She also had the worst acne I had seen. I was shocked when I saw her the first time, b/c she was all wrapped up in a blanket, only her little head showing, and it was SOO round and so covered in pimples. I just thought she really is Olivia with that big round o-shaped face. I thought she was just ADORABLE!! She was soo cute.
I did handle this cesarean much better physically. Even mentally at first. I was just so happy to have my baby, and she was such a peaceful, sweet baby. It took a while before the sadness and disappointment over the birth really set in. But it did come. I truly blamed my failed VBAC on my fear. I know from the Birthing From Within book that an animal who feels threatened will not go into labor until they find safety. I totally thought this was why my body failed go into labor. That which I feared the most ultimately caused me to NOT give birth vaginally. I don't know that I really feel that way now. I think there was something holding me back, but I also think if I had just given myself a few more days, it would have happened naturally.
Baby #3: Finally, here is my third daughter's birth story; my HBA2C.
My husband and I hadn't planned on having any more children, at least not for several years. It was a surprise the following October when I found out I was pregnant again. It was then that I became absolutely OBSESSED with everything VBAC. I was so saddened b/c all the doctors said there was ABSOLUTELY no way I was going to have a VBA2C. The hospital near where we now live wasn't set up in case of emergency, so I felt uncomfortable with homebirth. It was the women of ICAN who mentioned a home-away-from-homebirth, and my doula volunteered her home without me even asking. She said, "The doctors won't let you? Fine, come to my house. Have your baby there!"
After finding a midwife (I interviewed and hired the first one I met), I did plan and have a beautiful, empowering HBA2C at my doula's house. I am forever changed by the experience. It is so empowering, so amazing. I relive my daughter's birth in my head all the time. What a beautiful memory it is.
I was due on June 17, and my midwife was fairly nervous about continuing
on past 41 weeks. I thought we had some wiggle room, but in the end, she got pretty uptight. She had told me that come Friday, June 27, she would
want me to contact my former OB and she would discontinue my care. I was absolutely SHOCKED. I thought we would discuss things at that point, not
just be let go. Well, she called me to apologize; she said she didn't mean there was nothing we could do between now and then. She urged me to
let her try to strip my membranes. I did so, and ended up down a crazy path of trying to get my body to go into labor. I did want to trust my
body to go into labor naturally, when it was ready, but I felt cornered and desperate. She did end up giving me until Monday, which was all
the time I would need. With her support, as well as my doula's, I tried all the subtle and not-so-subtle induction alternatives we could think
of: miles and miles of walking every day, acupuncture, chiropractic, herbal, homeopathic, so much sex that even my husband wanted a break (and
wa-a-a-ay more than any pregnant-and-due-any-minute woman would EVER want!!! haha) and finally two days of castor oil. I had had steady BH
contractions on and off for days. The induction stuff did seem to pick things up, but it would always taper off.
Then, Friday, my body just STOPPED!! I had 3 contx all day. Well, Friday night, as I was lying down with my older two daughters putting them to
bed around 10pm, things started again. I was having strong but totally manageable contx that were really felt in my back. I FINALLY got my girls
to sleep, then went and told my husband. I asked, just in case, what was the alternative plan to take my MIL to the airport the following day if
we were busy having our baby... They were shrugging it off, saying it wasn't an issue, but I persisted. I somehow just felt different this time-- though I honestly had thought this earlier in the week, too, so they
didn't take me too seriously. Anyway, they finally said my MIL would just have to change her flight if
that happened.
Well, the contx. quickly picked up, and by 11:20pm, they were about 2-4 minutes apart, lasting for 30-45 seconds, and I was needing my husband to apply counter-pressure to my back. During one contx felt a pop inside, and thought maybe the baby had her head caught in my pelvis oddly and that it rotated - nope, I took one step and had a small gush of water. I had been nagging at my husband that this was definitely it, and we needed to go to the grocery store as we were supposed to provide snacks for everyone at the birth (midwives, doula, ourselves, etc.) He thought I was insane to even want to go to the store, b/c the contx were strong enough that I was totally needing counter pressure, and not really in a condition to go shopping. I was just worried that the midwife and everyone would just starve to death if this labor took too long. Once my water broke, I swore it was green with meconium, and I got slightly hysterical for a few minutes - I knew that was a risk with some of the induction stuff, and was why my first daughter was c-sectioned to begin with, so I just KNEW it was meconium and that we were doomed. My husband called our doula, and I demanded that we were on our way b/c I wanted the baby's heart rate checked ASAP... The idea of shopping at the grocery store went out the window with my water breaking. At least I had sense enough then! Well, I had a few more gushes of amniotic fluid that were clear as can be, so I calmed down. But, we were NOT going to the grocery store as my contx were picking up and I didn't want to be any further in labor as we drove for 30 minutes to my doula's house. The drive was surprisingly manageable, but not at all pleasant. They were doing road construction, and it was SO bumpy down the usually smooth highway. I remember thinking how thoughtful of them to tear up the highway right before I went into labor. haha. My contx started coming at 2-3 minutes apart and lasting for about 50 seconds. Once I got to our doula's, they quickly settled into 2 minutes apart and lasting for 1 minute. The doula called the midwife as soon as we arrived, and she came soon after.
I was so frustrated b/c I had had a recent u/s that said the baby was in the perfect position, yet I was still having terrible back labor. I just couldn't get strong enough counter-pressure. I began to get very frustrated with how quickly the contx were coming. I complained once that I thought I was supposed to get a break to rest in between. I had been standing and bending over the bed and rocking and swaying to handle the contx. I was sooo tired, I was worried that this was going to be a 36 hour labor like this. I also laid in bed some, on my side, and enjoyed the ability to rest in between, but was not as successful at managing the contx in bed. My husband suggested that I try standing with one leg on a step stool, b/c he remembered from Bradley classes that it could help turn a malpositioned baby. I told him no, then my midwife told me I should do it, so I did (which he later chuckled that it irked him a bit that I listened to her and not him).
I desperately wanted to get into the birth tub we had rented and had set up, but the midwife wanted to make sure I was in very active labor (around a 7 dilation; I didn't know this was her policy before we decided to rent the tub.. grrr) before letting me. I started wanting to find out how far along I was soon after that, b/c the water sounded GREAT!! Finally, around 4am I demanded that the midwife check me, and she did, warning me that she really didn't want to with my water broken. I insisted, thinking I would hear that I was at a 7 or 8 and it would help me continue. She checked and I was at a 4. She was thrilled, she said my cervix was completely melting away and had thinned out. I was devastated, and started to get really upset again, that a 4 just wasn't enough. I had reached a 5 when I was last checked with my first daughter, so I felt I was so far from that, I really wanted to hear that I had made it past that critical mark this time. I knew this was going to take at least 6 more hours according to the traditional 1 cm an hour estimate. She tried to reassure me that this was AWESOME progress.
About 20 minutes later, I suddenly felt the baby had turned (still using the stool for one leg to help the baby be able to turn). The contx suddenly left my back and were full strength in my abdomen and cervix. I was happy, until I realized that there was NO counter-pressure that could take this away - they just were STRONG. I was noticing that I was more able to stay on top of them and moan and breath through them. Then I needed to go pee, and had a bad contx while sitting down, then two more suddenly when I stood up. I suddenly heard and felt my body shift and just start the most primal, guttural sound as I grunted and began pushing. I literally get chills thinking again at how amazing that felt.
I have heard that pushing is SUCH a relief, and oh my GOSH was it!! I yelled, "I'm pushing, the baby is COMING!" as I felt her just descend straight through my pelvis. The bulge and pressure on my whole bottom end was SURREAL!! (This is the first time I EVER got this far in labor!!!) My midwife jumped up (she had been resting in a walk-in closet while my husband and doula helped me and with a VERY panicked voice said, "Kirsten, STOP PUSHING!!! Do you hear me!! STOP!!" I told her through the grunts that I couldn't - they were all blowing "sho-sho-sho" noises in my face and grabbing me by the shoulders telling me NOT to push. I was trying, and copying their breathing but simply COULDN'T stop!!! My midwife called her back-up and said to get here NOW, I wanted to push. Then I lay down and yelled at her to check me.
The walk over to the bed was HELL b/c I was literally pushing this baby out and they were all yelling at me to stop!! She was trying to explain that if I pushed through a not fully dilated cervix it would cause it to swell. I knew this, but KNEW there was no cervix in the way, not with this feeling. She quickly checked, then calmly with a surprised look said, "You're complete. We're going to have this baby now." She stayed right with me, but called the back-up again and said, "She is having the baby, get here now."
I'm not sure how many pushes it took, but I laid there on my side with my husband spooning behind me and holding one leg, and my midwife ready to catch and trying to apply counter-pressure to my perineum. At one point, I know now it was when the baby was crowning, I thought she was doing something, and I started screaming at her, "Your hurting me, your hurting me!!" My doula said, no, it's the baby, she's not touching you. I pushed again and the head was out. The midwife started urging me to quickly push more, to get the shoulders out. It was NO problem. I pushed again and out she came!!!!
They immediately moved her onto my belly and I started BAWLING, "Oh my g*d I did it!! We really did it!!! Oh, HELLO beautiful baby!!!" Then I tried to calm myself down, b/c I remembered I really wanted to welcome her into a quiet peaceful place - oh well... haha She didn't cry immediately, she just laid there looking around, and I kept asking if she was okay. I told her, "I don't WANT you to have to cry, but it is sort of my indication that you are okay." She started squeaking a bit, so I calmed down.. Everyone was assuring me that she was WONDERFUL!!! She was sooo tiny to me. I was thrilled with that b/c the midwives kept telling me she was really getting big - probably over 9 lbs. I lifted my bra and she immediately opened her eyes and her mouth and started rooting around; that was also amazing!! SOOO ALERT!! She started nursing immediately!!! IT was soo great!!
While I was trying to breastfeed Maya, I was having bad contractions trying to deliver the placenta. It was so painful; I had to have my husband hold Maya while I tried to deliver the placenta. I tried several times to push it out, but it wasn't working. Finally, I rolled over onto all fours and pushed and out it came. I laid back down as they weighed Maya and did the standard apgar tests, etc. I began shaking like crazy; I could not get warm and was just shivering like I never did before. The midwife said this was normal following labor. They covered me with blankets and watched me for a while. They were a little concerned that I was losing too much blood. The midwife massaged my stomach to help my uterus clamp down. It was so painful. I was feeling very light-headed. The back-up midwife was talking to me face to face telling me to stay with her. Finally, I started calming down and feeling more under control. Once I started feeling stronger again, I took Maya back and sat up and breastfed her. It was amazing to just give birth and sit up so soon afterwards feeling so wonderful and energetic and feed her. I loved being an active participant in the whole experience!
The worst part of the whole VBAC experience was being sewn up following the 2nd degree tear. It was stressful and excruciatingly painful. My back-up midwife sewed me up and kept apologizing for hurting me. They did use local anesthetic, but in places it didn't seem to work well at all. It was MISERABLE. Finally, they gave me another anesthetic injection that seemed to help. My midwife was SOOO slow at sewing me up. She apologized but said she hadn't done this a whole lot and was slow and meticulous about it. I just wanted it to be done so I could have my baby back! My husband held Maya and began calling our family while they began the stitching. It was such a bizarre experience; I screamed and tried to hold still while they carefully stitched me up. I was also an emotional mess; it was a wonderful feeling. I had such a flood of thoughts in my brain. I was laughing, crying, then laughing again. I was laughing about how quickly everything went, and how they all scrambled when I began pushing. How amazing the experience was. Then I thanked them all so much for everything they did to help us achieve this HBA2C. Then I became SOOO sad when I thought of a woman I had read about in ICAN who was so strong, so persistent, and amazing in her strength and determination to have a VBAC, but ultimately ended up with a repeat cesarean. After just experiencing the VBA2C myself, my heart just hurt for her. I wanted her to have this experience so much. Then I became sad when I thought about how hard I fought for this experience, and what it meant to me. I was sad because if I tell someone that I had a HBA2C, most people will NEVER know or understand what that means to me personally, how hard I struggled, or what an AMAZING experience it was. They will just take it for granted and probably wonder why I would even do something like that. I was not sad about them not understanding me so much as I was sad that they would never have such an emotionally charged and amazing birth experience that I had.
Anyway, it felt like forever while they stitched me up, then they finally finished and my doula helped me shower and clean up. I had such a heavy, hollow empty feeling in my stomach. It was so weird feeling. It felt so soft again, after feeling so hard and full with my baby inside. I started feeling a little weak and clumsy in the shower, so I finished quickly and went to sit back down.
Everyone left and gave me and my husband some time alone with our new daughter. My husband was absolutely exhausted, so he fell asleep very quickly, snoring very loudly. I finished the oatmeal my doula had prepared for me, stared in amazement at my new little daughter, and called my family to tell them all the wonderful news. I was so proud of my daughter's beautiful round head. My mother had actually told me that if I had to have a cesarean, one good thing would be that my baby would have a beautiful round head, rather than a cone head; as if that even mattered to me. I was quietly proud that my daughter had this so-called perfect head even in SPITE of the VBAC, though I would have been thrilled if it was as pointy and long as anything!!!
After it was all over, I started thinking; oh my gosh, everyone cried when Maya was born but me! I specifically remembered my husband, midwife, doula all crying. I was horrified (as if it would have mattered anyway) that I DIDN'T cry!! The first thing I wanted to do when my husband, baby and I were alone was watch the video of the birth. My husband got out the camera and we watched it through the little screen; I thought it was hilarious--- I was sobbing like CRAZY, saying, "Oh my god, you're so beautiful!! We did it!! We really did it!! Oh my god, you're here!" I most certainly DID cry; again, not that it mattered, it was just funny. When I told my midwife, she was SHOCKED that I had already watched the birth video. She said some of her clients could NOT watch the video for weeks, and here I was watching it a few hours later (and again when I got home that day). I didn't realize that might have been an issue for others, for me, it was such a beautiful thing to see; all the months and even years of stress building to that one beautiful scene!
We stayed at my doula's house and rested for a few hours. Her 3 year old daughter and roommate came by to see our baby. I apologized to the roommate, smiling, for all the noise I had made while giving birth. The woman said she didn't hear a thing, just woke up this morning to the amazing news that a new life had been born in her home last night. She was so happy for us. The midwives came in to tell us goodbye. They would come the following day for a check-up at our house. My awesome doula and her husband threw all our messy clothes into the laundry. They busied themselves cleaning up the birth mess around us; sheets, plastic tarps on the floor, draining the unused birth tub.
Anyway, Maya Abigayle Taylor was born Saturday, June 28, 2003 at 4:48am. She weighed 8lbs 2oz, was 20 inches long, with a 14 inch head. She is SOO beautiful and wonderful!! She is nursing like a pro. I had a 2nd degree tear, but was sewn up with little problem compared to any cesarean pain I experienced with my other daughters.
I was in labor from 10:30pm-4:48am. I went from a 4 to pushing in 20 or so minutes then pushed for 12 Minutes (well, tried to NOT push for about 6 minutes, then freely pushed for 6. My back-up midwife and friend who was to film the birth didn't make it in time (luckily my awesome doula grabbed the camera and got the pushing, so that was good). My midwife was SOOO shocked at how quickly it went. She was planning on calling the back-up around 6am, then figured I would have the baby around 10am - Maya had other plans.
My husband and I came home around 12:30pm. I was SOO high on adrenaline; I could NOT sleep all day, as hard as I tried. So I was up for over 24 hours.. Pretty delirious but THRILLED by that night. It was amazing to introduce our new daughter to her older sisters. They were so excited to meet her. My older daughter kept asking what the stuff on Maya's head was. We explained that it was some dried blood b/c we had not yet given Maya a bath from when she was born. Kelsey said she wanted to hold Maya, but only after we gave her a bath to wash off the blood. It was soo cute. Olivia pointed out all Maya's features and proceeded to kiss her. They both brought her all the toys they could find; too cute. Wonderful Maya slept beside me and slept great so I was able to rest. It is so amazing to be able to get around as well as I am (as opposed to with c/s), though I am still sore, naturally. My MIL took a flight out first thing the next morning. I think she was irked at our homebirth (we told her afterwards) but I don't really care. I did what was right. My family was THRILLED for me - though they all think I am insane. A title I wear proudly.. hahaha.
Leslie's Story (3 prior cesareans, VBA3C with 13 pound baby)
Kmom's Notes: Some doctors will tell women they'll never VBAC if the baby is too big. This woman had a VBA3C with a 13 lb. baby! She had a "CPD" VBAC with a 12 lb. baby (baby #3) but went on to VBAC with an even larger baby--and no shoulder dystocia. So much for "CPD"! And she had a VBAC after not one but TWO 'failed' trials of labor!
Her first cesarean was an elective cesarean for breech after a failed external version. Her second cesarean was after a trial of labor (27 hours, all unmedicated) that was found to be a surprise breech. Her third cesarean was a year later (another 'failed' trial of labor), this one with the 12 lb. baby. She had labored at home ending in transport, this time after 30 hours of unmedicated labor (including 5 hours at 9 cm). It's impossible to say for sure, but given the malpresentations (breech) she'd had with the first two babies, and the 3rd labor stalling before completion, it's quite possible she might have had a malposition (posterior or asynclitic or compound) with the third baby.
In her fourth pregnancy, she actually found a doctor willing to 'let' her VBAC 'even' after 3 prior cesareans, 'even' after a prior very large baby, and 'even' in the face of significant pre-eclampsia. It was not an easy birth, yet despite a number of complications that seemed to make her dream of VBAC impossible, she kept trying and ultimately had the VBAC. When asked why she chose VBAC, she said, "I chose VBAC because I've always believed in doing everything as naturally as possible, and I wanted to experience vaginal birth."
Birth Story
Friday morning I went in for my first appointment in almost 2 weeks. My BP was up (160/110) and I had protein in my urine. The doctor told me to go home and rest, do a 24-hour urine sample, and return to the hospital the next day for a BP check. Saturday at the hospital my BP was 170/111 but went down to normal as long as I was resting. They called my OB and he said I could go home but was on absolute bedrest until my Monday morning appointment.
By Sunday I was starting to freak out because I kept hearing toxemia horror stories from people. So I called my doctor. He said that if I were someone else he would have sent me in to be induced on Friday, but he knew that I would stay in bed and he knew that I really didn't want to be induced. He said he would have been happier inducing me but wanted to give me a few extra days to go into labor on my own (since I had told him it would be Sunday). He said that he had planned to tell me on Monday that I had until Wednesday to go into labor naturally. He also told me that due to the high BP I would have to stay in bed during labor which really upset me as all my plans for VBACing and avoiding pain meds involved walking and being upright.
DH was at a birthday party with the kids at the time so I told the OB that when he got home we would talk over possibly going ahead with the induction. Well, I went into labor at 4:30, shortly before DH and the kids arrived. The doctor called to check on me around 5:30 and said he wanted me in the hospital right away so he could monitor the BP. So there went another part of my birth plan---staying home as long as possible---out the window. I ate some eggs and milk and yogurt before I left because I figured they would starve me at the hospital, and we went on, arriving there around 6:30 p.m.
They checked me and found no dilation at all and a very posterior cervix. My water had also broken and my contractions were hard and difficult to manage almost immediately. I had to be hooked up to a fetal heart monitor, a contraction monitor, a BP cuff, and an IV for fluid and antibiotics for Group B Strep. All I could do was lie on my side. I was panicky and could not cope with the pain at all. After 7 hours of what certainly felt like hard labor to me, I had made NO PROGRESS at all. And due to the ruptured membranes, GBS strep, and high BP, the OB had said that if I wasn't progressing by that point I would need pitocin augmentation.
I have had 2 long and completely unmedicated labors before, and was able to cope with them by walking, changing positions, etc. When I had to get up to go to the bathroom I could see that I would have been much more comfortable upright. But lying down, I couldn't cope with the pain, and I couldn't imagine coping with the added pain of pit contractions. Also, everything was going so wrong that I felt sure I was all set for another c/s anyway. I thought to myself that it was ridiculous to suffer for 12 more hours only to end up with a c/s anyway. Also, my ideal birth had been so completely messed up by this point that an epidural didn't seem like much. So I said that if I had to have pit I was having an epidural too.
Bless my husband's heart, he was trying to do the right thing. I said, "I can't DO this anymore," and he said, "That's what the Bradley book said you would say. That's normal." I said it was normal when you hit the self-doubt signpost at transition but not at 1 cm. I said I was serious! And then he suggested I just try some pit contractions, but I was afraid that I would be in agony for hours if I had to wait until after the pit for the epidural. So I got the epidural first, then the pit. This was all hooked up shortly after 1 a.m. and then we rested for a while
2 hours later when I was checked I was at 7 cm. I truly believe this was one of the situations where the epidural was beneficial, since it enabled me to relax. By 5 a.m. I was at 9, and at 7 a.m. the OB said I could push. However, he also told me that my baby's head was big and that it was well behind the pubic bones. He said that all he could feel was bone and that the head would have to mold incredibly to fit through. Then he left the room and told the nurses (he told me this himself later) that I could push but to be ready to do a c-section at noon!
I myself did not believe I would be having a VBAC at this point, but I had a very supportive labor nurse. Of course, just to add to everything else, I had to push semi-sitting----they wouldn't let me get upright because of the BP. I had counted on squatting so I really did think that was going to be the last straw. Anyway, she held one leg and DH the other. We got in at least 3 pushes for every contraction. I was able to push effectively despite the epidural, or I would have had it turned off. I had no trouble feeling where to push.
For a long time his head did not move. She turned me on my side between contractions so the head could descend through the available space. There was very little resting time between contractions and pushing was very hard work! Finally, she had people come in and start setting up for delivery. When the OB came in he said, "I love it when I'm wrong." I still did not believe it would happen. But getting his head through the pelvis was the hard part, apparently. The next thing I knew, his head was out and I started to cry because I knew it was really going to happen. The rest of him was born really quickly---what a strange feeling!!
I had an episiotomy and 3 tears---one in the sphincter, one inside, and one near the urethra. The sphincter is the main place I have felt discomfort. I really did not realize a vaginal birth would be so painful afterwards! It does seem to get better faster [than a c/s], though.
The baby ingested a lot of meconium, so it was nearly an hour before I could hold him, although I could see him the whole time. And of course we were all dying to hear the weight, since baby #3 was 12 lbs. The neonatologist said he was sure that it would be more than 12 pounds. He was born at 9:01 a.m. on Monday, at 24.75 inches, with a 16 inch head, and at 13 lbs., 5 ounces!!!!!
My milk came in last night and he is an enthusiastic nurser. He's a sweet baby, very alert, talks a lot but rarely cries. He is already much-loved by his siblings.
Teresa's Story(2 prior cesareans due to malpositions, VBA2C)
Kmom's Notes: A story of malpositions! Her first probably had a malposition (postdates, distressed baby, water broke, terrible back labor, no descent of baby), and her second was stubbornly breech.
Her third probably also initially had a malposition (went overdue, water broke, back labor, labor too painful lying down, transition-like labor but stuck in early to mid-labor, baby not engaged, sudden change in labor probably indicating that baby had resolved its position, quick dilation and birth after that, baby had bruised forehead from where it was probably stuck for a while). Since this malposition was able to resolve on its own, she went on to have a lovely VBAC.
Birth Story
Baby #1 (cesarean): Water broke at 42 weeks with meconium, went to the hospital, shaved practically from the neck down, pitocin to start labor, HORRIBLE back labor, got the epidural that I swore I wouldn't get, could feel absolutely nothing, got to 10 cm and tried pushing for a couple of hours but couldn't feel anything so I'm sure it wasn't very effective. After 2 hours of pushing had a c/s for 'failure to progress,' 'CPD,' and distressed baby. (I was 20 and very naive--the doctor and hospital staff scared me into thinking the baby was in grave danger.) Baby was perfect, 7 & 9 apgars, no complications with the surgery. Had mild to moderate post partum depression for about a month. I'm now convinced that she was probably malpositioned. [Kmom note: She notes that she was not heavy for this pregnancy.]
Baby #2 (cesarean): I had divorced and remarried. Baby was breech from 32 weeks. Tried everything including version and standing on my head to get her to turn, had c/s at 39 weeks. Baby was perfect, 8 & 9 apgars. Still stubborn as a mule!
Baby #3 (VBAC): Even though my daughters' births were joyous occasions and resulted in two healthy and beautiful babies, I felt like I had missed something. I had always wanted natural childbirth and for my third (and most likely last) birth, I wanted it desperately. As crazy as it may sound, I longed to feel the pains of labor, to feel my baby emerge from my body, and to hold my baby while he was still warm and slippery with amniotic fluid, instead of hours later after a dozen or so people had laid hands on him. So I did everything I could to attain that goal. I read every book ever written on VBAC, scoured the internet for information and statistics on the safety of VBAC, went to Yoga class, made my husband read about natural childbirth, hired a doula, and generally drove everyone close to me a little crazy, including my wonderful and VERY patient husband.
The last and probably most important step I took to ensure that I got the birth that I wanted was to change doctors at 34 weeks. I didn't feel I was getting the support I needed from the doctor/midwife team I was seeing. My office visits were with the midwives, but since I had had 2 cesareans I was considered 'high risk' and so the doctor (whom I never actually met) became involved in my care. The 'rules and requirements' of my labor changed from visit to visit and became more and more conservative the farther I got along. There seemed to be too many conflicting opinions on VBAC. I felt that whoever ended up on call when I went into labor would determine the fate of my child's birth. The emotional burden of that was too much for me to handle. I needed to know that everyone around me wanted the same thing that I did and BELIEVED that I could get it.
I found a wonderful and much smaller doctor/midwife team. During our consultation visit the doctor explained all the risks of VBAC that I had heard many times before. He asked me how I wanted to proceed and, after that initial visit, cesarean section was never mentioned to me again. I was treated just like any other pregnant woman---not one who might expire at any moment. I think the changing of doctors changed the odds of success in my favor----both emotionally and physically.
For the first 6 months I developed severe allergies and asthma. I couldn't get out of bed without being out of breath. I coughed until I thought my eyes would pop out. I was on about 5 medications, which worried me a LOT. At about 7 months is just sort of went away relatively suddenly. Very weird.
My due date came and went. I was becoming more and more depressed because of the possibilities of inducement, the baby being too big, etc. Even though my providers hadn't mentioned these things yet, all the things that could sabotage my hopes for a natural birth were floating around in my mind. One evening 8 dates after my due date, about 10:30 p.m., I felt a little pop and thought my water had broken. About 10 minutes later came a little gush of fluid, but not even enough to wet the bed. I got up and went to the bathroom but there was only a little trickle and I felt a little contraction. I went to my husband and told him I thought my water had broken but I wasn't sure.
My DH got out his stop watch. We walked around and I was having small contractions but nothing I couldn't walk and talk through. I still had a slow trickle of fluid leaking so at around 11:30 we decided to call the midwife. She said to try and get some rest and see if things picked up, but to come to the hospital around 6 a.m. regardless of what was happening since my water had broken. We called the doula and the grandparents. I kept having contractions; they seemed to be close together but they weren't very strong so I sort of dismissed them. We tried to get a little sleep, but as soon as I laid down the contractions got harder and I had to start my yoga breathing. We timed contractions but they didn't really have a pattern at all. Around 1 a.m. I got too uncomfortable to lay down anymore so I got up and walked a little bit. Things seemed to me to be speeding up so we called the doula. She came and put us at ease right away. She thought I was still in early labor and should try to get some more rest. As soon as I lay down, I'd have to get back up---the theme of my labor. I decided to get in the bathtub to try and pass some time and relax. I told my DH to take a nap. I filled the tub with water as warm as I dared and turned on the jets----ahhhh heaven! I stayed in the tub for at least a couple of hours and just tried to control my breathing and relax, and I think I even dozed off at some point. By the time I got out of the tub I was using yoga sound to get through my contractions.
I waddled back to bed, had a contraction, and got back up. Things started getting more serious. A little while later we woke the doula. She had me sit on the birthing ball and helped me through some contractions. I was holding a lot of tension in my shoulders and she laid her hands on me there and was talking to me in her low, calm voice. She made me some toast and juice but I only managed to drink a few sips of juice. By this time it was around 5 a.m. I really felt like things were getting faster and felt an urgency to get to the hospital. I think my husband felt it too. My doula said she thought I was around 4 cm dilated and I was satisfied I'd done enough work at home. We prepared to go to the hospital, making all our phone calls, finishing packing our bag, etc. The grandparents took my younger daughter, and the older one went to the hospital with the doula. I expected the drive to be the worst part of my labor but it actually turned out to be one of the calmest moments I had during the entire labor. It was dawn and there was a thick, heavy fog. It felt like we were driving through a dream. I had my eyes closed most of the time and just concentrated on my breath, relaxation, and humming along with my contractions on an "O" sound, and also with a closed mouth hum.
We arrived at the hospital around 6:30 a.m. When I got there, the nurse told me I was fully effaced but only 2 cm dilated and the baby was at a -3 station. My first thought was, "Where are the drugs?" Needless to say, I didn't find the nurses' evaluation of my progress to be very encouraging. Fortunately, my mind didn't have time to dwell on that information because my body went into overdrive. Between the exam room and the L&D room, I had to stop for a half-dozen or so contractions and was making a considerable amount of noise. My nice controlled "O-O-O-O" ended up sounding like a very loud "O-O-OUCH."
We made it to the L&D room and the nurse wanted to hook me up for the 20 minute monitor strip and the heparin lock I had agreed to in case of emergency. At this point I was leaning with my contractions---on my DH, the wall, the bed, the birthing ball. It wasn't my intention to be difficult, but lying or sitting in bed was TOTALLY out of the question and the nurse was very anxious to get the monitor strip going. The doula suggested I sit on the birthing ball for the monitor strip. I tried that but couldn't really sit through the contractions. I ended up leaning against the cabinet the monitor was sitting on for about 10 minutes and making a lot of noise. I'm sure the nurse thought I was insane because I was only 2 cm dilated and all. DH was taking his job of birth advocate very seriously, going over the birth plan with everyone who walked in the room.
After about 10 minutes of ineffective monitoring and loud chanting of O-O-Os, I suddenly had an absolutely overwhelming urge to go to the bathroom. I expressed this to everyone. The nurse suggested I leave the monitor belt on and go use the bathroom. I said NO, take it off, I need to go NOW. The doula took my eldest daughter to the waiting room, as she wanted to be there but didn't want to see everything happen, and things were getting intense pretty quickly. DH asked me if I wanted to go to the bathroom by myself and I said yes so he left me there. Everything unnecessary for giving birth to a baby came out of my body.
My yoga sounds started changing. What started out as O-O-O was now ending up as a ferocious growl. I had a tremendous urge to push and the contractions were coming one right after another. I was still sitting on the toilet growling through my contractions, while DH was outside 'discussing' methods of IV insertion with the nurse. I didn't care. He checked on me to see if I was alright. I told him I didn't think I could do this anymore. He told me later that when I said this he was really happy because he knew that one of the signs of transition was self-doubt. (I just knew that Bradley book would come in handy!) He helped me back to the room where I ended up on the birthing ball again. I think more than one person was telling me to quit pushing, to blow through it. I couldn't have quit pushing if you had paid me a million dollars. At this point the nurse brought in release forms because I guess she was convinced she wasn't going to get her 20-minute monitor strip or an IV. I signed. My doula whispered to me that it was okay, I definitely wasn't at 2 cm anymore. Believe it or not, at this time we had only been at the hospital for about 1.5 hours.
My midwife arrived and said something like, "How are
things going?" I think I growled at her. She smiled and told me
I was doing fine. She wanted me to get on the bed so she could check my
progress. I asked her if I could stay on my hands and knees and she said
sure, we'll try it. I ended up on my knees, leaning up against the propped
back of the bed with my elbows. This is where I stayed for the rest of the
birth. I had
actually listened to a birth story in yoga class of a woman who used this
position, but never thought I would end up using it.
In retrospect though, I think it kept me focused and uninhibited because
I was totally oblivious to anyone else in the room besides Adam, Sabrina and
Sara.
The
midwife checked
me and not only was I completely dilated, the baby was now at +2 station. It was really happening.
This registered with me and I think I said something like, “The
baby’s really coming?” I was
too busy growling to really be all that excited about it.
The doula was talking to
me even though I couldn’t tell you what she was saying.
DH was crying now and
told me my how good I was doing.
I
was growling and pushing and growling and pushing.
The doula was soothing me
and rubbing the top of my back. The
midwife was putting warm compresses and some sort of oil or gel on my
bottom and rubbing the lower part of my back.
DH rubbed my feet a
little and watched in amazement as the first glimpse of baby started to appear.
My midwife told me I was
going to hurt my throat if I kept growling like that.
(Unfortunately, it was already too late for my throat.
I could barely talk for about a week after the baby came.)
She told me to bring it down. Bring
it down to the baby. I tried to do
that and then suddenly I could feel the baby moving down.
I could actually feel it – it was the wildest thing – all the sound
went inward and I could feel the baby moving down.
When each contraction ended I would feel the baby move back up a little
and I would think, “No – go down, go down.”
Then, as things progressed the midwife told me the baby was crowning.
She didn’t really need to tell me because I felt the RING OF FIRE,
which you read about, but cannot truly appreciate until you have experienced it.
At that point I was thinking, “Go back up, go back up!”
But there was no turning back now, the baby was almost here.
All during this period the nurse was still trying to check the baby’s
heartbeat with the doppler. I
can’t even imagine what we would have done if she couldn’t have found it.
I wanted her to just leave
me alone, but I was having to concentrate too hard and couldn’t really convey
that message.
The
midwife asked
DH if he wanted to help deliver the baby. He
was the first to touch the baby. My
baby’s first experience with the outside world was his daddy touching his
little head. With the position I was in (upright but leaning over), the baby
came out with his face pointing up instead of down, and the first thing the baby
saw when he came out with his eyes wide open was the same person who was
touching him, his daddy. After the
head was delivered the rest of the baby came within one or two more pushes and
it was amazing. All the pain was
instantly and totally gone. My
midwife announced, “It’s a boy!” and at 8:43 a.m. my son officially
entered the world weighing in at 8 lbs 6 oz (bigger than either of my c-section
babies).
I
turned around so I could see and hold my new son. DH kissed me and told me
how beautiful we were. I was too
shocked to even cry. All I could do
was look at the beautiful, naked little being that was still attached to my body
and say, “We did it, little man. We
really did it.” I think I said
that to everyone.
I
held the baby and DH cut the cord. I
held my baby while they cleaned him up and checked him out.
His forehead was a little bruised from coming so fast, but otherwise he
was perfect. [Kmom note: The bruised
forehead probably indicates the malposition!] I tried to nurse
him. It didn’t take him long to
catch on and I nursed him for a little while.
They brought me a warm blanket for the baby and we lay skin to skin
covered in a nice warm blanket for a while.
My doula went to get my
oldest daughter and tell her the good news.
The midwife checked me
out and - can you believe it – NO tears, no stitches required.
She did think my cervix might have a little laceration, so she had the
doctor check me out. Luckily, it
was only swollen. Our nurse was
quite impressed with us, I think, and let us have extra time in the
labor/delivery room with the baby before they took him to weigh, measure and
bathe him. She was a good sport and was very happy and proud for us,
even though I’m sure we were her nightmare patients. Everyone, including us, was amazed that we had only been at
the hospital just a little over two hours.
We were still signing release forms after it was all over with.
The midwife told me later
that when she arrived at the hospital and heard me (I imagine the whole
maternity ward could hear me) and checked my chart she told the nurse, “This
is either really, really good – or it’s going to be a REALLY long day!”
It was really, really good.
I
had a natural and pure birth. No
drugs, no IV, no monitor, no cutting of anything.
It was the most amazing thing I have ever done.
Was it easier than having a cesarean?
No – absolutely not. But
it was completely satisfying, and perfect, and exactly as God designed it.
I was a participant – not a spectator.
I did it. With the help of
three loving and wonderful people, I did it.
The recovery period was easier than a cesarean, no contest.
The birth was powerful and intense and that’s exactly how I felt when
it was all over: powerful and energized. After
being awake all the previous night, it was almost 24 more hours before I slept.
I went home the next day to be with my family.
I had the most perfect birth I could have dreamed of. It meant more to me than I can even put into words. It was the difference between giving birth and having surgery. But it was more than that. I didn’t have a horrible experience with either of my c-sections, so it’s very difficult to explain the psychological impact that they had on me. My quest for a natural birth was about being whole, instead of cut in half. It was also as much about healing the scar on my belly as it was about bringing new life into the world. It was about trusting myself and my body - and even God.
Honestly, I had expected to have a huge emotional response when the baby was handed to me right after delivery. I fantasized about that moment almost daily while I was pregnant. As it turned out, all I could do right after delivery was stare in amazement and shock at my baby. The emotional response came a few weeks later when I got a note from my midwife thanking ME for letting HER be a part of the birth. I had also gotten a call from my doula telling me how wonderful the birth was for her. To know that the birth had touched other people made me realize just how amazing it truly was. As I read my midwife’s note, all the tears of hope, joy, fear, and relief that I had been wishing and praying for during the last nine months washed over me. I thanked God and I wept.
Misha's Stories (PIH, induction, c/s, then 4 VBACs despite malpositions)
Kmom's Notes: The OB blamed this mom's stalled first labor on the size of the baby (which he thought was over 9 lbs.), but the baby was just over 6 and a half pounds. Because big moms measure larger than smaller moms and can have bigger babies, many docs assume that all babes of big moms will be big and are quick to assume that any problems are due to this. The joke was on the OB. After having a cesarean because her first baby 'was too big,' Misha went on to have 3 VBACs, one with a 9 lbs plus baby, and another with a 10 lb plus baby!!
Misha is also another good example of how good chiropractic care can benefit some women. And she's an excellent example of how variable several different births can be, even in the same woman. From fast and easy to long and hard, she's experienced it all.
Birth Story
Baby #1 (Alexandria Paige): At 22yo, I went into my first pregnancy very excited, but also very naive. I signed up with an OB, 'cuz isn't that what you're supposed to do when you're pregnant? I'd scarcely even heard of a midwife, and certainly not in any modern context. I looked forward every month to prenatal visits, and took every word from the doc's mouth as law. His office gave out copies of What To Expect When You're Expecting to every newly pregnant mama (how generous), so everything I knew about pregnancy and birth was learned from that. I skipped the c/s parts 'cuz of course that wasn't going to happen to me so why waste my time.
After a couple rocky incidents (suddenly getting asthma/being hospitalized for it in the 5th month., and a breast cyst in the 7th) things seemed to be fine and we were getting very excited to meet our baby. Just over a month before my "Estimated Due Date" I came down with symptoms of Pregnancy-Induced Hypertension. I was put on left-side bedrest, and became bored out of my mind watching the OJ trial. I went to twice-weekly BP checks at the doc and played the victim to a tee, loving all the extra fussing over and attention.
Eventually, after a few wks. of this, it was wearing thin. I thought I would "never" go into labor, and was begging the doc to do something. He agreed to try to induce w/ prostaglandin gel. I knew nothing about the risks of forcing a baby out too early, and certainly didn't have any good objective info on drug risks, etc. I figured everything would just happen, the doc would be there just in case something happened to me or the baby, and my body would simply give birth. Oh I would try to do it naturally, but wouldn't feel guilty if I didn't.
So at 38 wks. I went in for an application of gel. It took 4 tries a few days apart, and at 39 wks. it finally threw me into hard labor. 4
hours after the application, I started contracting and it took only a few minutes for them to become only a couple minutes apart and brutally painful. My doctor came in and said, "I'm sending up the anesthesiologist to give you an epidural. Otherwise you'll be too tired when it comes time to push." I was so happy! The epidural was great (or so I thought at the time). I could lay there pain free, sleeping, talking to hubby and family, and just wait for my baby to come.
The rest of the story is pretty simple. As soon as I had the epi, they started pumping me w/ pitocin (again I had no knowledge of any risk - all along the line, we had been encouraged to just sign whatever they gave us - "you don't need to read all that fine print"). About 12 hrs. after labor had started, and being stuck at 5cm for 5 hrs., my doctor came in and informed me I was having a c/s. I started crying, and the
anesthesiologist., who was trying to get me to sign papers, said "What are you crying for? You need to stop that so I can get you to sign these." I was scared, and esp. frightened of being awake for the surgery.
Finally I was wheeled into the OR, my husband was not allowed in till after he'd started cutting (during which time I was freaking out - I NEEDED my husband w/ me), and I laid there w/ my arms strapped out as on a crucifix, barfing through the birth of my first child.
I heard "It's a girl," and started crying again. I caught a quick glimpse of a pale little face buried in a
receiving blanket as she was taken to the nursery. Back in my room after being stitched and stapled, I shook violently despite all the warmed blankets piled on me, and thought I was dying
because the epidural had gone too high and numbed my chest, causing me to feel like I couldn't breathe. I was finally able to hold and nurse her 3 hrs. later. The recovery was miserable and
painful. As a result of the pain meds I was taking (and no one telling us
[that it would make our daughter so sleepy that she would sleep too long between
nursings]) in addition to my failure to seek breastfeeding help, she was supplemented by one
month and weaned by 3 months.
One side note - during the time when my dilation was "stuck", my OB told me the baby was over 9 lbs. and that was why she wasn't coming down. After they weighed her (all 6 lbs. 11 oz.) I heard him say "Boy, was I ever off!"
I have found one thing (besides my daughter) to be thankful for in having gone through this experience. If I hadn't, I may never have learned all I have about birth and the way it can and SHOULD be, and in turn never would have been able to help reach out to other women who start their pregnancies as I did.
Baby #2 (Samuel Nathan): Sammy was our 2nd term baby. I had had an unnecessary cesarean for my first, and that, along with a couple other things, shaped my decisions for his birth. We had been experiencing secondary infertility for 3 years when he was conceived, and had also lost 2 babies to miscarriage over those yrs. - one at 5 wks. and one at 11.5 wks.
During that period of time, my sister-in-law
(SIL) attempted a VBAC. She had a young, inexperienced OB, and had had a terrible first birth experience in a military hospital, with a very scary placenta
abruptio, ending in an emergency c/s. Sometime around term, she began experiencing some mild
contractions and went to the hospital. They tried to send her home but she and my brother refused to go b/c that was what had happened w/ their first
birth (she had begun abrupting in the car on the way home), so this time they were too scared to leave w/o a healthy baby in their arms. She eventually ended up with pitocin and an epidural, and during a fetal scalp sampling, it was discovered that the baby was low on oxygen, and an emergency c/s revealed a catastrophic uterine rupture. Mom and baby both lived and are healthy,
thank God (though no more babies for SIL).
I tell this story b/c it was a big part of my preparation for VBAC. For a long while after
SIL's rupture, I was not at all sure I was going to go for a vaginal birth. I was very scared of rupturing, and as yet did not realize the full impact that the interventions have on the uterus. I started talking to birth savvy friends, and began to lean more
towards VBAC. After becoming pregnant in fall '98, I joined the ICAN list and started to soak up info like a sponge. I began to feel more confidence, and less fear. Throughout my pregnancy, however, I was still hanging onto fear from the miscarriages. I was very afraid of losing this baby too.
As 40 wks. approached, I started really freaking out. My OB was a fairly decent, hands-off type, in practice by himself in a small town. He was very respectful of how educated I was on birth, and was fine w/ almost all of my birth plan requests. But the problem at this point wasn't him, it was me. I started envisioning a stillborn baby, this baby I'd been awaiting for 3.5 yrs. The night before my 41 wk. appt., he didn't move for an hour. I drank OJ, etc., nothing. I flipped out, and the next morning we decided to break my water the following day.
Ironically, contractions started during that night, and continued all the way up till I got to the hospital the next morning, so apparently he'd decided it was time as well! When I got to the hospital I was at 2cm. As my doc broke my water, he said "Feels like baby's posterior!" Alarm bells rung in my head, but it was too late.
Contractions were very mild, but regular, for several hrs. As the afternoon wore on, they picked up, and at one check I was 4cm. B/c of his posterior position, labor became pretty excruciating - my lower back was in agony during
contractions. I'd been coping by leaning on the birth ball on the edge of the bed, and dh putting heavy counterpressure on my lower spine, but it wasn't long before I had to just lay on my side on the bed, drifting in and out of awareness. I asked for something to take the edge off, and got Stadol every couple hrs. Around dinner time I was checked again and was heartsick to hear "4cm" again. About a half hr. later my doc came in and checked me himself and said "a good 5cm, stretchy to 6". Whew, that was more like it!
The next several hrs. are very hazy in my memory. The back labor was very painful and I think I sort of zoned out in order to deal w/ it. Finally at 2am I was complete, and began pushing. The back pain during the pushing was unbearable and I got a weak spinal at that point. It didn't help much, but eventually my doc was able to turn the baby in the birth canal. That helped a little, but the pushing was still going very slowly and painfully.
After 2 hrs. of pushing he was starting to crown, and at that point his heartrate started to bottom out after
contractions. Thanks to the ICAN list, I'd learned that late decels can genuinely be dangerous, so I knew they weren't just using this to justify more interventions. It was at this point that everyone started to bustle around and I heard my doc say to me, "It's a c/s or forceps - we gotta decide NOW." We chose forceps, and minutes later Sammy was out. He was blue and limp, and it was very frightening. They whisked him over to the isolette and gave him some O2 and massaged him, which got him going after a few minutes. I kept hollering out, "Is he ok? Is he
ok?" but no one answered. Turned out his first apgar was 6. It was a scary few minutes, but once they put him on my chest, I had time to sit back and realize, I did it! I cannot even begin to describe that feeling. "On top of the world" is an understatement. I felt like dancing around the room and shouting at the top of my lungs - it was the most
exhilarating feeling in my entire life!
In retrospect, I realize that my own fear led to me making choices that made for a very difficult labor and delivery w/ lots of intervention. I later read that Stadol can cause fetal and neonatal respiratory distress, and this caused me much guilt. After reading many birth stories, I feel that I was very lucky to have had a VBAC that time, mostly due to my doctor's patience and my own determination. But, on the positive side, it was a learning experience, and showed me how strong I (and any birthing woman!) could be!
Baby
#3 (Bridget Grace): When our 2nd child (VBAC #1) was 4 mths. old, we moved from MI to NC. Since it had taken 3 yrs. to conceive him, we were shocked to find ourselves expecting again when he was only 6 mths. old! In my heart I wanted a
home birth this time, but wasn't ready. I halfheartedly picked an OB group on my
insurance list, and went for one visit at 12 wks., mostly b/c I wanted the u/s they use routinely at 12 wk. visits to date pregnancies, b/c I wasn't exactly sure when this conception had taken place. It turned out that my dates were accurate w/ my suspicions. Anyway, after the u/s as we were talking to the OB, I pretty much came out and told him I knew a lot about birth and I was not going to agree to many of the routine things they do, and that I expected to be a partner in my care, not a patient. His response was basically, well that's fine to a point, but as soon as you start talking things that don't make sense, then we'll have a problem. I knew at that point that I would not be coming back. As we drove out of the parking lot I cried and told dh, "I can't do this. I can't fight my way through this pregnancy." His reply was, well, we'll just do whatever it takes then.
After combing the phone book, I came to find out that my insurance would cover the CNM practice in
45 min. away. They have a freestanding BC, but due to hospital/doc politics (read: B.S.) they were not "allowed" to do VBACs there. We would have to birth at
the hospital. Still, we were thrilled, and really enjoyed our visits there, getting along great w/ 4 out of the 5 midwives. What a world away from OB care!! The pregnancy continued fairly uneventfully.
Tuesday, Sept. 5th, I had a midwife appt. I'd had a little pink mucous that morning, so I had her give my membranes a sweep; I was
3cm, baby at -1 station. At 41w4d, I told her, in all seriousness, "This baby is never coming out." Through the afternoon continued to lose my plug
but still figured it was just the exam and that I had days more to go. 9pm, while reading bedtime story to
my daughter, noticed that I was having contractions that I had to stop and breathe a bit through. They were consistently about 10
min. apart, and continued that way till 2am when I laid down on the couch and managed to get a little sleep. They hadn't gotten any closer
or harder to handle so I didn't want to call and wake up midwife; I was still in denial that this could be the "real thing". I had told dh to just go to
bed and rest, if I needed him I'd let him know. Woke up during contractions a few
times, then woke up for good at 4:40 w/ more show. Contractions were now 6-9 min. apart so I told dh, maybe you'd better call in to work "just in
case." I was starting to think *maybe* this could be it.
About 6am I called mw on call and told her what was going on, she said call back when
they got to 5 min. apart. 7am I sent dh to McDonald's 'cuz all I could think about was their pancakes and
eggs. While he was gone, laid down to nurse my son back to sleep. About 5 min. after he left, while I was still
laying there w/ Sammy, I felt a pop and thought wow, what a weird baby movement! I unlatched him and got up, and immediately felt my panties get
soaked. Ok, I guess this really IS it, haha. Called mw again - this time call was returned by our favorite, J., who was now on call. Told her
contractions were 6-8 min. apart now, so we would probably go to the birth center first to have her check us, to see if we needed to walk around a
while before going to the hospital. Dh got home, and after that contractions got to about 3-6 min. apart, so we left as soon as my parents arrived and
called J. on the way to let her know we'd go straight to hospital instead.
Get into 8am traffic between Raleigh and Chapel Hill, and contractions widen out
again to 10+ min. By 9:45 we're all checked into our room, and contractions are few
and far between. J. and I agree it is probably "fight or flight." We get hooked up for a 20 min. strip on the monitor, and get my saline lock set up (GBS+). Everything looks great, so J checks me, 5cm. Yay! But - gotta get those
contractions going again. We walk, and walk, and walk some more. J. recommends nipple stimulation, so dh and I start trying that. A few tries
between walking, over a couple hrs. time, starts working. J. asks if I want to get into shower, might help relax and keep things going, and will work
as nipple stimulation as well. My room doesn't have a shower - there are only 2
rooms w/ showers, and they were taken when I got there. She goes to the desk and comes back w/ a triumphant look - got you a room w/ a shower! So
we move - which was great b/c my first room was little and dingy and prob. wasn't helping matters. This room w/ private shower was much nicer. After we switched rooms
contractions never slowed again except by a couple minutes each when I'd lay on the bed to be
monitored a few min. every half hr.
By this time it was maybe 3pm and things were getting more intense. Contractions were about 4 min. apart, and starting to spread around the sides of my back. I started to realize what most women mean by "back labor" - my back labor w/ Sammy was due to him being posterior, and was sheer hell b/c his head was smashed against my lower spine w/ every contractions. This was more like a muscular pain on the sides. MUCH preferable and more bearable! But still, started needing counterpressure on back during peaks. J. would stand behind me and stroke my hair and face, then during the worst would push in on my hips. After each contraction ended would say you're doing so great, etc. Dh would take turns when J's hands got tired. I started saying I can't do this anymore, so J. suggested shower again. That helped immensely. Dh stood behind me for counterpressure on back, and the heat from the water made it easier to cope. Finally got too hot and felt closed in by shower, so I got out again. Contractions had gone to 3 min. and I was 7cm now. It was maybe 4:30ish. I do remember laying on the monitor between contractions and saying very calmly to J. and dh, "I'm going home now, you guys call me when the baby gets here." J. laughed and said, lots of women say that towards the end, so that's a good sign! I said, but I mean it. LOL. Leaned over birth ball for a few contractions, then tried - briefly - sitting on ball. NOT! Made the pressure on my bladder/cervix/rear end unbearable. I made them pull me off quick.
At this point the back pain was becoming extremely hard for me to relax through - using the term "relax" very loosely, as much as one can relax in hard labor. What I mean is that I was really having a hard time not totally fighting against the contractions now. I was saying during every one, I can't do this, I'm done, I don't want to do this anymore. J. was being very encouraging, yes, you can, you're so close! But I knew I had reached my limit. She said, well, you can have an epidural -I did NOT want epidural. We talked about a shot of Nubain and decided that was the most preferable to me. It was very difficult for me to accept that this was the right thing for me to do, but I was getting out of control and knew I couldn't push effectively w/ the back pain. I was whining b/c I really didn't want pain meds at all - and I had come SO far! J got in my face and said this is your decision to make - an adult decision - you need to make it, and be ok w/ it. Either way. I don't want to hear you regretting it after, if you're going to do it, you need to decide that's the end of it. Oddly enough, this was great - it gave me the presence of mind in the middle of the pain to just get the decision over with. She had to check me first, 8cm - yippee!! So my L&D nurse gave me the first part in my lock, and the 2nd under the skin. It immediately took the edge off the back pain while still allowing me to feel everything else during contractions.
This was about 6pm. J decided she had time to run and grab a bite for dinner. Dh and my nurse were there w/ me. W/in a couple min. I started feeling these spasms through my pelvis and was grunting w/ them. When they talk about "pushing urge", I always figured I'd feel the head in the canal and feel the need to push it out, or something similar (I had not had a pushing urge w/ my first VBAC). This was more like the dry heaves, but lower - waves of muscle spasms that I could not stop. Nurse turns to me and says why are you making those noises - what are you feeling? I tried to explain but it was difficult, so she said, "I've gotta check you." She got down there quick and said, "Oh, you're complete, we gotta get J. back here NOW." She flies to the phone and barks at someone to get J.
Before I know it, J. is flying through the door and yelling over my roaring noises to stop pushing - I told her I CAN'T!!! She's trying to get the oil so she can support/massage the perineum. She's hollering over my noises that I need to try to get a little control or else she won't have time to help keep me from tearing a lot, but Bridget had other ideas. Finally she got ready, and by then the baby was crowning - definitely learned the meaning of the term "ring of fire"! It stung pretty bad, and all I wanted was for that to be over, so I really started working hard w/ the urges - I think I was growling get out of there! or something like that. Luckily I didn't have to worry about pushing through the ring of fire b/c my body was giving me absolutely no choice in the matter! During crowning J. said reach down there, feel the head - so I did, and it was all crumpled from the molding, very odd feeling, but wonderful. Her head came out after a few huge pushes, and J. said ok now you HAVE to stop pushing - the baby had a nuchal cord, not really tight, thank God. Once she got it free she said ok, push the body out; that stung as much as her head. She flipped the baby around and straddled her against her body (we did not know the sex yet and J knew we wanted to discover it ourselves) and just worked w/ her a minute to make sure she was going to cry well and stuff, suctioned her, etc., then after a minute she laid her on me and we saw that she was a girl! That was such an awesome moment! After the cord stopped pulsating dh cut it, which he did not get to do w/ our first 2.
My parents brought the kids in right away, that was neat, but I was bleeding pretty bad and my dad got queasy (wimp <g>). J told me to try to push the placenta out, b/c baby wasn't nursing yet and I was starting to bleed worse, so I did, it was quick and painless. I had a 2nd degree tear, which was pretty uncomfortable being stitched up, but wasn't surprising - I'd been 8cm at 6pm, and she was out at 6:31. No one, including me, had thought the baby was going to be particularly big - I didn't measure large, and everyone who palpated said, oh this baby won't be really big. Nurse asked what my guess was, I said around 8 lbs. - she said 9 lbs. 5 oz. and dh and I almost fell over! She had NO coning whatsoever, beautiful round little head full of black hair. It was fun making the hospital staff's jaws fall when they heard she was 9,5 w/ a 15 min. 2nd stage.
Postscript: We really loved the compromise between good prenatal care and old-fashioned midwifery, but unfortunately our CNM practice is no longer taking VBACs (due to BC staffing constraints in having to go to the hospital to attend them). So we will be planning homebirths from now on, as I will no longer consider returning to an OB unless medically necessary. I look forward to birthing my next baby in my big bath tub! [Kmom note: And she did! See the home VBAC waterbirth below.]
Baby #4 (Carina Rose): After weeks of prodromal labor I was beginning to despair not only of ever getting any rest, but of not knowing when "real" labor began. The contractions were painful, in my cervix, and hard to distinguish from the kind which started real labor with my last child. I was joking all the time with the midwife that I would probably wait till late in labor to call her because I just couldn't tell and didn't want everyone sitting around for a false alarm.
On Wed, Nov. 13th, I woke up and had some bloody show...The day passed with more show, but no baby. During that night, I was woken a few times at the tail end of a contraction---maybe every couple of hours or so. The next morning, at 41 weeks and 2 days, more plug and show, and contractions that actually kept going every 10-15 minutes even after my kids were up and distracting me. They continued that way all morning. I took a nap and they continued every 15-20 minutes or so. Just mild enjoyable early labor type stuff. The intensity was not telling me this might be "it"---only the continued regularity, so I still had no idea if I'd have a baby that day. Just before 4 p.m. I asked DH if he could leave early and pick up the digital camera from my parents' on the way home. I told him I didn't know if it was real labor but I couldn't concentrate during contractions and needed him to be here just in case things got more intense soon...He finally got home close to 6 p.m.
At that point the contractions were about 5 minutes apart, maybe 30 second for a long one. I was thinking maybe this might be the real thing, so I sent him up to get a couple last-minute things on the supply list. After he got back it became apparent that maybe his nerves weren't doing so well, bless his heart...I wasn't really needing any labor support still at that point but decided to call the midwife and let her know what was happening...She both figured she'd have plenty of time to get there. I decided I could use a little moral support, so I called my doula/apprentice midwife. By the time she got there, I was in the bedroom, leaning over the bed with my knees on the floor, low-moaning through short contractions about 3 minutes apart. The doula said that was totally fine, and she didn't want to get my hopes up but sometimes moms who go into that kind of pattern go very fast once things speed up. I was like, yeah, whatever, thinking I've got hours more to go.
The doula asked if I wanted to check the baby's heartrate; afterward I immediately started to have another contraction so collapsed down on hands and knees in the bathroom doorway while she called the midwife to find out how far away she was. It was probably about 8 o'clock at this point and we all still thought there was plenty of time. During this contraction on the floor, just as I was prepared for it to start going down, I felt a pop and the contraction restarted....My water broke, just a small amount, not gushing like last time. In retrospect I think that might be because the baby was already so low that she was acting like a plug. We started the tub running.
Almost as soon as I got in, things really kicked up. I tried the birth ball in the tub but couldn't stand the pressure from the way my legs were squatted down in order to fit the ball in. So I laid on my side for a few contractions; towards the end of those I started saying I can't do this, I don't want to do this. All I could think was OMG, I will NEVER make it another hour or 2 like this. DH came in at some time and asked the doula how long she thought it might be---she said maybe an hour or so, hard to tell, then she turned to me and said, "A will be here in plenty of time, I won't be catching tonight!" We laughed about it, haha. Then she suggested a position change since I was starting to have trouble dealing with things on my side. I went up on hands and knees again and laid my head/arms on a towel on the back corner of the tub (my tub is large and almost triangular in shape so I had lots of room to lean). After a couple of contractions in that position I was really getting agitated and start saying, "There's so much pressure, the baby's moving down."
After that I started to freak out. I started yelling, make it stop, make it stop! I can't do this, Oh God help me, etc. The doula was great, she just rubbed me, kept telling me only a few more second til the contraction is over. The pressure in my cervix and down thru my hips/pelvis/thighs was unbelievable and I was really worried that I was going to be in this agony for who knew how much longer. After a few of those "just give me an epidural now" contractions, I flipped back onto my side instinctively, and started hollering, "I'm going to poop!" I also noticed that there was NO break between contractions any longer---they were just bam bam bam one non-stop contraction. I kept saying, "I have to poop, I'm going to go," etc. and S said, it's okay, you're fine, etc. I think she was hoping I could hold on just a few more minutes till the midwife got there, and at one point asked if I could get back to the bed (she thought if I was out of the tub things would slow down)---I said I can't move! No way! I didn't really think at this point that the baby was coming. For some odd reason, I was just really upset that I was being forced to go potty in the bathtub in the middle of all this pain.
As the baby moved down further, the contractions stopped (blessedly!), although the pushing urge did not lessen at all. I HAD to get that kid out of there, and she was making it very easy. I had no choice in the matter. My 7 year old had gone to the living room to get DH and my 2 year old, and when I saw him I somehow found the presence of mind to yell, "Take some pictures!" A few pushes later, accompanied by frightening primal screams, she was crowning and I reached down and touched her head and asked, "Is that the baby?" I couldn't believe she was already coming! The rest of her just whoooshed out all at once and S brought her up out of the water onto my belly. Her eyes were open, and she was very quiet and alert, but making no noise and I don't think breathing yet. Her color was fine, so S started massaging her with towels and telling me to keep rubbing her, etc. In just a minute she started crying and then S said get the cord, at which point I realized was looped down around her neck and front like an upside down "U". So we undid that from her neck and she was fine. I looked at S and said I can't believe it's over, that's the fastest easiest thing I've ever done! We finally remembered to look between her legs and see what we had----it was a girl! The funniest comment came from our 7 year old; after everything was over and I was still in the tub, she looked at us and said, "I'm never taking a bath again."
I was still in the tub when the midwife arrived a few minutes later. She came in and oohed over the baby, looked to see what she was, then asked DH if he wanted to cut the cord. He said no, I cut the last one. So the midwife cut it, S took the baby, and we got me up and to the bed. The placenta came within 15 minutes, it was in great shape, the bag was very strong, no calcium deposits, etc. I had about 1" first degree tear along my old episiotomy scar (darn thing). We put a couple of stitches in it. Eventually the baby got weighed and all of us were surprised that she was "only 8 lbs. My last baby was born only 2 days later gestation and was over 9 lbs (both dates were very accurate!) This little one seems like a peanut in comparison.
Baby #5 (Asa Eloyse): A much different, much harder birth than the others, but ultimately, still a VBAC
Baby Stats: Boy, 10 lbs. 2 oz., 22 inches, 14.75 inch head
This was my 4th VBAC, 2nd homebirth. The pregnancy was a difficult one. I was very ill with "all day sickness" for about 16 weeks, and intermittently thereafter. [For a long time], my husband and I were living in different states, so I was coping with all 4 children on my own, plus the normal pregnancy fatigue/aches/pains, as well as heavy duty loneliness. We had decided to relocate back to our home state; I prepared for the upcoming move with some help, but doing most of the packing on my own, living in a state of near constant exhaustion and irritability.
At about 24 weeks, I was in a car accident with all of my children. We all walked away, thank God, but it was traumatic for all of us emotionally, and seemed to be the point at which physically I started falling apart. A few days after the accident I began experiencing a fair amount of pelvic and lower back pain, but was unable to get chiropractic care at the time. I was very disappointed - I'd finally started to feel good and had very few of the discomforts I'd experienced in other pregnancies. Once we were moved, it was much easier, having my husband's help again I was able to rest more and finally got myself to a chiropractor which helped *immensely* (although my pelvis consistently refused to hold an adjustment and was just basically messed up).
Despite all of this, as always dh and I were thrilled to be expecting again! I was very excited about meeting the new little person with whom we were being gifted. I had a much more difficult time connecting with this baby in utero than with my others, which I'm sure was due in large part to distraction and being so busy through most of the pregnancy. I was sad to not feel close to him; I wanted to, but there was so much going on that I was never really able to go inward enough to do so. Yet even without the stronger connection, I trusted that the baby and I would do fine once he was in our arms.
Once the move was over, we called a midwife on the list of homebirth midwives in our state and, luckily, didn't need to look further. We met w/ C (midwife) at her house and her birth philosophy closely meshed with ours, she was very generously willing to work with us on a payment schedule that fit our situation, and was happy to take us on at 34 weeks! It was almost as though God had put her in our path, because strangely, although her other months were pretty much full, for some reason she only had one other October mother, whose EDD was well ahead of ours. The only possible conflict was a state midwives' conference the last weekend of the month.
I think most moms would say the last month of pregnancy is, at the very least, somewhat uncomfortable. Mine all had been pretty wearing at the end, with the last couple also involving quite a bit of prodromal labor. This time the prelabor started at about 36 weeks. I hoped that since this was the earliest it had ever started, that perhaps it would bode for a slightly shorter pregnancy. It began fairly mildly, with a few hours of consistent, easy contractions each night just before bedtime. As the weeks went on it would sometimes continue in the morning, at least until I was up and around and taking care of the kids. The last week or so it had progressed to the point of requiring my concentration, only stopping for some hours in the middle of the day.
The final few weeks the pelvic discomfort and SPD also became very painful. [Then I also pulled some muscles around my ribs.] I kept going to chiro appts. and she did what she could but mostly it just had to have time to heal. So I rested a lot, took some Tylenol, and used a heating pad. I caught a cold, which left behind a cough that kept me up at night. As uncomfortable as I was, there came a point of such utter exhaustion and despair that my prayers turned the opposite way they had been going, which is to say I started asking to *not* go into labor because I knew it would be so much more difficult in that state. Eventually the cough faded, and I was back to the basic miseries of late pregnancy.
I turned 40 weeks on October 20. With all the prodromal labor in addition to how low the baby was, I was genuinely surprised to still be pregnant. As the day came and went I became more agitated. This was of course pretty ridiculous, especially in light of the fact that just the month previously I had written a piece all about the unreliability of "due dates" and how flawed the calculation methods are. Still, I had held out hope that for once, I would have a pregnancy that ended before complete and total misery set in. It was not to be....Those last couple of weeks it became difficult to even walk through the house - I felt so very heavy and awkward, and there was an enormous amount of pressure on my pubic bone - not abnormally painful, just felt like there was someone pushing down on it. It didn't really strike me at the time, but in retrospect I realize that it wasn't exactly the same as the usual SPD, and that may be why the chiro wasn't affecting it as much as I'd have liked.
The days passed and the contractions grew more painful, more regular, and more frequent. I did become more worried as the prelabor went on, that I would once again fail to recognize "real" labor....I went out for a bit that Thursday afternoon and while I was gone the midwife had left a message asking how I was and reminding me of the conference that weekend. I was stymied, as I honestly did not remember this at all....Anyway, Friday when I called her she was indeed at the conference, about 1.5 hours away. She must have heard the desperation in my voice because she immediately said she would come home if I wanted, even if just for a short checkup, and then go back if I wasn't in active labor before the morning. She got here sometime between 10 and 11pm. The baby was doing great, and I was about 2-3cm dilated. She was able to sweep the membranes easily, I hardly felt it. They (midwife and her dd) headed home, telling me to call if anything happened before 6:30 or 7am, because after that they'd go ahead back to the conference.
At about 8:00 I got up and went to the bathroom and found a large chunk of plug. A few minutes later I noticed there was a very owie cervical contraction.....several minutes later, another....then another....and another....well, ok, but this had happened before, so still I waited, getting breakfast for myself and the kids and just walking around picking up the house.....At just before 10, I called the midwife and she said she would come back. Then I called Gretchen and she would be leaving shortly as well, after feeding Maille [her baby]. I was very excited, a little nervous, but I did not anticipate that this labor would be much different/harder from the last, so I was mostly looking forward to the coming hours....
C arrived by noon and Gretchen shortly after...While waiting for everyone to get here, contractions had spaced out to perhaps 10-20 minutes apart. I could tell they were "real" compared to the prodromal, but they were taking their sweet time. Gretchen gave me a wonderful foot rub and tried the acupressure points on the ankles, which did seem to trigger more frequent activity. Once dh got home we were able to leave the kids with him and go out walking. That helped somewhat, but still, things didn't really pick up much...We decided that it might be best for all of us to try to rest since it looked like it might be a long evening ahead. C felt that once the kids were down for the night and it was quiet, that labor would kick into gear. Before she left I did request a check, just to make sure (yes me, Miss No V.E.s! well it was totally my choice, so it's ok). I was about 4cm, so obviously things were pretty safe for them to leave for a while. This was probably around 3:30 or 4pm.
After they left....I laid down in bed to look at email and rest a bit. I didn't sleep - I probably should have but I wasn't really tired, I was too excited....Contractions started coming more regularly again, every 8 or 10 minutes....eventually I decided I should call everyone back. By the time they got back, contractions were getting more painful but not much closer together. No one was "officially" timing them out loud but I kept looking at the clock because I was quite concerned that they weren't getting closer. They were definitely growing much more intense.....Surprisingly to me, sitting was pretty comfortable for a long while. This has *not* been a tolerable position for me in past labors, so that was yet another thing that was new and different. During some of this time, my midwife and her dd were trying to get some rest in case things went on through the night. Gretchen sat with me, keeping me in stitches half the time.....an especially handy thing when one is trying to ignore a ten pound bowling ball making its way down an ant hole. She was an absolute pro at talking when the distraction was desperately needed, and being quiet when she could tell I needed to concentrate (and then eventually I was so loud that I don't think anyone could have been heard if they spoke, LOL!).
I started out coping by low moaning, with the occasional reminder to keep it low. At first....[things] were manageable. Another first for me in this labor was that I had to pee a LOT. Every few contractions I'd have to go to the bathroom. As the night went on and the pain intensified, I started to dread going but of course I didn't want my bladder in the way either. Nearly every time I'd sit down on the potty I'd get "stuck" there with a contraction. Then dh had to pull me up and walk me back to the living room. Things went on......Around this time, kneeling stopped working. I tried laying down on my side, but it started to feel like something was "off", besides just the normal pain of labor. The burning in my cervix felt different, and I could not get settled in any position. Side-lying, kneeling, sitting, all made me feel like something was not happening right during contractions. After getting "caught" in the middle of the room on the way back from the bathroom with dh, I accidentally discovered that standing up w/ my arms on his shoulders felt slightly better than anything else. I know it may seem strange that I hadn't tried it, but again, in previous labors standing had been bad in late labor. Dh was very tired by this point so he'd be laying on the bean bag and all of a sudden I'd jump up at the start of a contraction and yell, "Get up, get up, get up!" LOL. Then I accidentally figured out that bouncing up and down (not leaving the ground, just my legs/body) also had a desirable effect on the pain. Very very odd, but whatever works.
As this went on, I finally realized that I was indeed feeling a different pain. At first I'd thought it was still cervical pain from dilating, and for the first time during a VBAC labor, I actually thought about the scar and for a split second thought, "What if that's scar pain?" I only worried about it briefly, but I was surprised even at the time, because it just wasn't something that even crossed my mind at all during the three previous VBACs.
What I finally figured out was that this was pain on my pubic bone. Contractions made it feel like it was going to break. I had never felt this during labor before; it wasn't pleasant. Sometime in here, I asked to be checked again. I was really afraid I'd be a 6 or something, so it took me a while to decide to request the VE, but I'd gotten to the point where I had to know if this wretched pain was actually doing anything. It didn't feel like it was because of all the strange "off" feelings during contractions....C said I was 7, stretchy to 9. I was sort of relieved, but part of me was screaming NOOOO - how can this be?? How could my last labor go soooo fast and easy and now it feels like I have to be drawn and quartered for every measly little centimeter??
At some point someone suggested I lay down for a while.....The contractions stayed spaced out, possibly even went a little further apart, I don't know. But they were no less horrible and still something felt odd during them. I slept between them (and am told I was snoring, LOL). I don't know how much time passed....Gretchen had to leave about 4:15am.....I was disappointed for both of us, but I was ok with it because I didn't want Maille [her baby] to be upset without her. And the truth is I really didn't feel like the baby was coming soon, I didn't know what would happen. I just felt suspended in time.
Shortly after that, or before, I don't actually know, dh came in and laid with me. At one point I felt a gush of wet and called to C, "I think my water broke". I still don't know if it did..... After I came back from the bathroom from checking that out, I couldn't lay down again. I tried kneeling on the bed but that was equally horrible. By this time, not only was my pubic bone feeling crushed during contractions, my whole pelvis/hips were feeling like they were being smashed with hammers as well. I wanted more than anything to believe that meant the baby was moving down but I knew it didn't really feel like that yet, and although I'd felt a bit pushy/grunty with a few contractions, it wasn't uncontrollable by any means, and I had not felt anything close to the baby "thunking" down through my pelvis like the last time.
A few more contractions...more misery....then, a lightbulb! I said to dh, you know, it feels like the baby is not getting under the pubic bone. It feels like the head is just smashing on top of it. I asked C what I could do to help the baby get their head under. She said, well I hate to say this, but laying back usually helps that. Ah - the one thing I had not tried, because of course we all know how conducive lithotomy is to birth, right? I didn't really want to lay flat on my back. Luckily C was already ahead of me and brought the birth stool to the bedroom (I had originally planned to birth in the l.r.). She put it against the bed and I leaned back against dh. Within a few contractions I could tell that things were changing. Good, and bad....the pain/breaking apart feeling in my pelvis multiplied by about 10x. I started feeling totally out of control - unfortunately I was not in lala land as with my last birth - I was just going wild with the pain, but very aware of what was happening. I was screaming, begging God for help, yelling "I'm breaking apart, my pelvis is breaking in half" etc. During a break between contractions (which were still not very close, although perhaps a bit closer than before), I asked C to check and see where the baby's head was. I didn't feel uncontrollably pushy but something was going on and I wanted to know if I could try to force the baby out *now*. She said I was 9.5 with a lip. She didn't want me to push too hard in case I swelled, but I wasn't worried about it - I think I sensed that the "lip" was really just a bit left because once the baby had gotten under the pubic bone it was taking a few more contractions to get the rest out of the way.
After that everything kind of ran together. My pelvis was splitting in half, the baby was moving down, I was screaming and swearing and begging for God to get me through; it really wasn't my best moment. The pain was unbelievable. Even after my short, intense labor with the last baby, I couldn't have imagined the pain. I was desperate to get away from my own body. At last I could feel the baby right there, and just shoved and pushed and kicked and fought as hard as I could to get it over with. C was saying reach down and touch the baby's head, and I think I said something like, NOOO - I don't want to, I just want it done! LOL. I don't really remember, but that's what I was thinking. Pushing was not as easy with this birth as with my others. Although, I didn't feel a lot of crowning pain, and I only pushed for 8 minutes, it felt like an eternity and it felt like a very big effort. I finally felt his head "pop" all the way out. The body is typically very easy, but this time it felt almost as bad as the head. I didn't feel that big relief filled "whoosh", it felt big and lumpy and uncomfortable. I didn't stop feeling the cracking apart sensation in my pelvis til he was all the way out.
And there he was, all the way out, up on my tummy, all slimy and warm - finally a reward for all that work! It was wonderful, he was so quiet at first, just looking around. I peeked under his leg because the curiosity was killing me! A boy! I couldn't believe it. I hadn't had any strong intuition either way, but I think I really expected a girl because I wasn't sure we could even make boys anymore, LOL. After a few seconds he did cry a bit, then became quiet again. It was a wonderful moment.
The *minute* he was out I became very uncomfortable on the birth stool. It was as though my senses had instantly returned and I became aware that my rear end and legs were hurting, and there was a draft down there <laugh>. Sometime in here I asked if I'd torn. I certainly hadn't been careful about it, but she'd been using hot cloths to support the perineum, and said that I had stretched beautifully and only had a little crack. C wanted me to get the baby latched on so we did so briefly, and then somehow I got up on the bed, with the help of dh and C, and settled in with my little big guy. C was very attentive to making sure he nursed again right away, both for the bf'ing relationship as well as for the placenta. He was a pro and had no troubles latching at all. The placenta came in 12 minutes, with only a brief moment of discomfort when some membrane got caught up a bit inside. We were able to dislodge it finally with C working it a bit and me pushing. Whew, freedom! We waited a while and when the cord had stopped pulsing, I cut it. Ok, I have never cut any of my babies' cords, so when blood squirted out on my arm and nightie I jumped! Wow, that was weird! Interesting though. The baby nursed for about an hour or more, then I wanted him weighed. C checked him out and then put him in the sling for the scale. 10 lbs. 2 oz.!!! I couldn't have been more shocked. I'd measured right on all along and did not have a feeling that he was big. I looked large but I'm a plus-sized mama to start with, and just by palpating my belly I had no idea that he would be any bigger than maybe 8 or 9 lbs. I was very proud of myself, LOL!
About 1.5 hours after he was born, C made up the herbal bath and helped us to the bathroom. This was also something I'd never done, and ahhhhhh, did it feel good. I didn't know how Asa would react, being that he was very irritated at being taken off the breast, but it was just amazing the minute he hit the water he was totally silent, just looking around. Really neat. We only stayed for a few minutes, then we were both tired and ready to head back to bed. After we got there, I noticed some gushing. C kept massaging my uterus trying to get it to go back down; it seemed to want to keep popping back up to my belly button. I was a little frustrated by the bleeding, started to get a bit concerned. Finally I asked her if she had anything and she gave me a tincture (she does carry pit but thankfully we didn't end up having to use it). She was going to head home but instead stuck around a couple hours in case the bleeding became problematic. After a while it seemed to slow, so she and her dd and grandson finally were able to go home.
I was still on the post-birth high for the rest of the day. I wanted to sleep but I couldn't. At one point I got up to go to the bathroom and felt something coming out. I got to the bathroom and lost an orange-sized clot. I was a bit alarmed but this had happened to me before so I didn't think it was anything serious. Actually, after this, the bleeding seemed to really slow down and afterpains kicked in full force, so I think it helped to be rid of it. Later, my in-laws came to see the baby, and brought dinner and took the other four children to go trick or treating (he was a Halloween baby), which allowed us a bit of rest and quiet.
Lisa H's Story (elective cs for macrosomia; "failed" TOL c/s; insulin-dep GD, hospital VBA2C)
Birth Story
This vba2c was a long time coming, and I worked so hard to achieve it. Therefore, much of this story actually took place way before I ever went into labor.
Baby #1 - Born January 2000
With my first pregnancy, I was “measuring big” at the end, so after an ultrasound predicted an 11 lb baby, my CNM & the consulting OB recommended that I have a scheduled cesarean. They told me about the risks of birthing a big baby (shoulder dystocia, tearing, etc.) and that an induction probably wouldn’t work anyway. My 9 lb, 10 oz daughter was born at 39 weeks by scheduled cesarean section. I never labored, and no one told me the serious risks to me, to the baby, and to future pregnancies. My daughter had some breathing issues and extremely low blood sugar, which I now think were the result of her being born too early. She spent 4 days in the NICU. Quite honestly, I wasn’t that upset about the cesarean. I trusted that it was the best thing for us, and I was a bit relieved to be able to avoid the “pain of labor.” I was in pain for awhile after the surgery, but I recovered relatively quickly.
Baby #2 – Born September 2004
During my next pregnancy, I found ICAN and learned a lot about vbac and normal birth (and that’s when I started to get upset about my first birth!), and I hired a doula. I traveled to another town to get midwifery care from a CNM (since I couldn’t find a midwife here who would take me as a patient), and I planned a hospital vbac. I fully expected to have a vaginal birth this time. I thought that if given the chance, my body would know just what to do. Once I got close to my “due date,” the consulting OB strongly recommended another scheduled cesarean because of my insulin-dependent gestational diabetes and my age (I was 36). I declined.
At 40 wks & 1 day, my water broke. 30 hrs later, I was only dilated to 2 cm, exhausted, and in serious pain. I allowed myself to be coerced into a cbac by Dr. Evil. My perfectly healthy 7 lb, 13 oz son was born at 40 wks & 2 days, also by cesarean. Based on the pain I was having, my lack of progress, and the marks on his face when he was born, I’m guessing that he was malpositioned during labor. I am still angry (I’m sure I always will be) about how I was treated by Dr. Evil and disappointed about the cbac, but I was happy to have worked so hard and to have given this baby the gift of labor. I had no regrets about having pursued a vbac, even though it ended in another cesarean. But sadly, I felt slightly “broken.” My recovery from the surgery was harder than the first time, but I didn’t have any unusual problems.
Baby #3 – Born January 2007
When I got pregnant with my 3rd baby in 2006, I assumed I would try for another vbac. My research told me that a vbac was just as safe or safer than a repeat cesarean, and I did not want to be recovering from surgery while taking care of 3 kids, including a newborn. I just didn’t think I could voluntarily get up on that operating table again unless it was a dire emergency. The challenging search for a health care provider began!
I would have preferred midwifery care, but I could not find a midwife to attend the birth because of the previous 2 cesareans plus the gestational diabetes. I interviewed and/or called every single OB practice in town plus several family practice doctors. Some practices wouldn’t even schedule me an interview without me actually transferring my care to them. Several OB offices just said no over the phone because they “don’t do vbacs after multiple cesareans.” I tried to meet with the one OB in town with a smaller practice, but he wouldn’t see me even to give me a second opinion.
When I could get interviews/consultations, I took in my own research summary of why I felt a vba2c was safe (including a lengthy bibliography) and a copy of the Landon 2006 study concluding that vbac after multiple cesareans should remain an option. Some OBs were nice, but still said they couldn’t help me. Some were rude and demeaning and lied about the risks. A family practice doctor said he wanted to help me, but without a previous vaginal birth, his OB consultants “would never allow it.” One OB said yes in our meeting, but then called me later that day to tell me no. I was shot down over and over again. I even considered signing up for a repeat cesarean with one of these OBs. I was so discouraged and emotional, and I just didn’t know if I was capable of continuing this fight.
At this point (about 20 wks along), I scheduled an appointment with Dr. Reasonable from my previous midwife/OB practice. They had already told me no over the phone, but an ICAN friend had used this same OB for her vbac and highly recommended her. I figured that I had nothing to lose. This doctor understood my desire to vbac and said that she would be willing to take me as a patient! Of course, she still wanted to put some ridiculous limitations on me during labor because of the vbac, but I figured that I could deal with those things when the time came. (And I knew that I would stay at home for as long as possible during labor.) I transferred my care to her immediately.
The rest of my pregnancy was relatively uneventful. I got to see Dr. Reasonable for every prenatal visit, which not all practices around here “allow.” (Most practices make you rotate through all the different doctors in the office.) I feel that it helped me emotionally to see someone every time who actually believed I could do this. I did have insulin-dependent gestational diabetes again, but my blood sugars were very well-controlled with diet and insulin shots. My endocrinologist believed that with well-controlled blood sugars, there was no additional risk to the baby. The baby was measuring “the right size,” and I was Group B Strep negative. I declined ultrasounds to check the baby’s size, and I declined vaginal exams. I took a Hypnobirthing class to prepare for labor and to deal with my birth baggage and my fears. I went to the chiropractor for regular adjustments. We hired the same doula that we had last time. I read positive birth stories and surrounded myself with supportive people.
On a Friday (38 wks & 3 days), my water broke at 12:30pm (standing in a fast food restaurant… lovely!). Over the next 24 hours, we tried many to things to get labor started… acupuncture, rest, massage, walking, chiropractic, eggplant parmesan, Hypnobirthing, and a nasty mineral oil concoction recommended by my Hypnobirthing instructor. It was “against the rules” to stay away from the hospital this long once my water had broken, but I was completely comfortable with it. I didn’t have a fever, I was Group B Strep negative, but most importantly, no one was sticking their hands in me to do vaginal exams. I knew the risk of infection was low. As time went on, I felt like I would never actually go into labor. About 26 hours after my water broke, I pulled out the big guns and drank castor oil. I drank it from a measuring cup in the Walgreen’s parking lot, which was about the most disgusting thing I’ve ever done in my life. I still get nauseous just looking at that particular measuring cup. After that, we walked some more, and then went home to wait.
I spent some unpleasant, but brief, time on the toilet, and then around 5pm on Saturday, I had a contraction. Within 15 minutes, I knew I was in labor. I went from no-labor to full-blown-can’t-talk-through-them contractions in about 45 minutes. I tried to use my Hypnobirthing to relax, but it was really hard. (I remember thinking, “Screw Hypnobirthing! This isn’t working!” But in retrospect, I think it was VERY helpful.) Within a few hours, I begged my husband to take me to the hospital so I could get an epidural. I assumed that I wasn’t dilated very much since this hadn’t been going very long, and there was no way I could do this for another 10, 15, or 20+ hours. (I know now that this is a normal reaction when nearing transition.) When our doula arrived, she agreed that it was time to go to the hospital because she noticed that I was doing some involuntary pushing. I didn’t realize what I was doing at the time, but I was happy to head to the hospital because I thought I’d be getting that epidural. We spent 45 miserable minutes driving to the hospital then got checked in.
The good news.....I was checked by a nurse at 10pm, and I was dilated to 7cm! I was thrilled that I was this far along. It didn’t even occur to me to ask for pain medication, and the nurses were respectful of my birth plan and didn’t suggest it. The bad news....The on-call OB was none other than Dr. Evil. I asked for another doctor or a midwife instead, but there was no one else. I decided to just deal with him the best I could (it’s not like he spent much time in our hospital room). I received a hep-lock and was hooked up to the fetal monitor, but that late in the game I was okay with it. I tried to walk around the hospital room, but I felt most comfortable laboring in bed. At 11pm, Dr. Evil checked me, and I was dilated to 9cm. (This is when he suggested a cesarean or an epidural, but I had no problem yelling, "No!”) At 11:45pm, I was complete!
Pushing felt great. The pain lessened, and it felt like I was accomplishing something. After an hour of pushing, I started to get a little worried. After 2 hours of pushing, I was terrified that the doctor would suggest forceps or vacuum or cesarean, but I kept pushing. This part was REALLY hard; I was so tired, but I could also tell that the baby was moving down. At one point I could reach down and feel his head, so I knew he was almost out! Around 2:00am, Dr. Evil wanted to cut an episiotomy because he “could get the baby out faster,” which I declined. At 38 weeks & 5 days gestation and after 38 hours with broken water and 2 and a half hours of pushing, I delivered my 7lb, 5 oz son Gavin! We did it! Holding that wet, slimy baby on my chest is a memory I will always cherish. I don’t love my other children any less, but I will always mourn that their first minutes of life were not spent the exact same way.
During the delivery, I sustained a 3rd - 4th degree tear. I suspect that the tear had something to do with the way Dr. Evil stuck his hands up in me to grab the baby. And then he had the gall to give me the I-told-you-so lecture about how an episiotomy would have prevented the tear. Lunatic. The fact that I was able to delivery vaginally with that particular doctor felt like such a victory. He had bullied me during my 2nd birth, but this time I stood up to him, and it was so empowering. I was nervous that he would be the one at the birth, but that turned out to be part of my healing process.
The recovery from my vba2c was easy. It’s difficult to express the huge difference between my cesarean recoveries and my vaginal birth recovery. With a vaginal birth, I felt connected with my baby and with other birthing women and had a “vbac high.” I was the best, proudest, happiest version of my real self with a sore bottom and a few stitches. With my cesareans, my entire body felt injured. It took ages to physically feel like myself again.
I think many things contributed to my ability to have a vaginal birth this time. I was more educated and more determined. The Hypnobirthing class and the chiropractic care were so helpful. I had a great support system in my ICAN friends, my husband, and our doula. It was valuable for me to see the same supportive OB at every prenatal appointment even though I didn’t know what doctor would be there at the time of delivery. Arriving at the hospital so late in labor was beneficial too. If I had gone in soon after my water broke, this story most likely would have had a very different ending. And of course, luck played into it as well. I gave birth 9 days before my “due date.” If I had been “overdue,” there would have been lots of pressure to have another cesarean. But most of all, I had more trust in how my body works. Apparently, my water breaks a few days before I give birth. That’s what is normal for ME.
My baby is now seven months old, and I have been completely healed from my tear for months & months. I am so grateful that I was able to experience a vaginal birth. I think it was the healthiest thing physically and emotionally for me and my baby. This birth has helped me heal a great deal from the births of my first 2 children. Some of the healing was because of the vba2c, but a large part of it was because of the journey. I worked as hard as I possibly could to do what I knew was best for me and for my family. I don’t think I’ve ever worked so hard for anything in my entire life, and I feel great about that.
Lynn's Stories (c/s, then home VBAC)
Name: "Lynn" Age: 36
Pre-pregnancy weight: 275 lbs.
Baby Info: boy, 20" long, 9 lbs. 5 oz.
Wt. Gain in Pregnancy: estimated 50 lbs.
Fertility Problems: none
Any Complications: umbilical hernia
Type of Birth: midwife-assisted homebirth VBAC
Birthplace: home Provider: midwife
Breastfeeding? tandem nursing
Special Notes on Pregnancy:
Kmom's Notes: SPD refers to Symphysis Pubis Dystocia, or pain in the front of the pubic bone area. No one knows for sure what causes it, but it is probably caused by a misalignment of the pelvis, both in the back (around the sacrum) and in the front, in the pubic symphysis (where the front pubic bones come together). You can read more about SPD in the Pubic Pain FAQ on this website.
Birth Story
A brief rundown of my c/s story:
After an uneventful pregnancy, where I learned a lot and even changed providers to CNMs at 35 weeks, my water broke at 37 weeks, ON MY WAY TO A PRENATAL! I went to the hospital as instructed, about 10 hours later, with not a single contraction. I was induced with Cytotec followed by pitocin. Thirty hours later I was still at 4-5 cm., where I had been stalled for many hours. By then I'd had every intervention known to man, and had been "allowed" to labor with ruptured membranes far longer than most hospitalized moms. They turned off the pit and everything stopped, and it was time for a c/s. My beautiful baby boy was 7 lbs. 11 oz. They kept him from me the entire first day. I was so unprepared for a c-section, I didn't even know to fight. For several weeks I thought "in another time, the baby and I would have died..." Once I found ICAN and read Silent Knife, I learned how my choices could have been different. I knew I would have a homebirth the next time.
My VBAC Story:
My HBAC story begins in March 2004, when we found out I was expecting, only 6 months after my first post-partum cycle. It took us almost 5 years trying to conceive with Brendan (2 ½ at the time of this birth), so we were happily surprised to have another on the way so soon! From the beginning I felt it must be a girl, since I had much worse morning sickness than in my first pregnancy. I also craved chocolate, which I don’t normally! A 24-week ultrasound “confirmed” my suspicions…yes, it showed a girl! We called her Molly.
It was a hard pregnancy for me, beginning with the morning sickness, then itchy hands and feet, a painful hernia until about 6 months, heat rash, SPD, hemorrhoids, and more. In addition, it was very stressful trying to decide on a birthplace and care provider since I was convinced that a VBAC was healthiest for me and my baby. My options within the medical community were less and less promising, and I hoped for a peaceful birth without having to fight for it. After researching and interviewing, Jeff and I decided on a homebirth with a midwife.
When we met Juliet, we were impressed with her calm demeanor and wholesome, realistic approach to birth. We felt immediately comfortable with her. nor e impressed with her calm demeanor and wholesome, realistic approach to birth. We felt that she was neShe even came to our house to do prenatals, and it was such a treat not to have doctor appointments throughout the pregnancy! I did visit an OB one time for an ultrasound. I did not plan on going back, but the atmosphere within the office further convinced me that I did not want to birth in a medical environment. Later in my pregnancy, I worked hard on Optimal Fetal Positioning, even giving up my beloved recliner, because I was worried about a difficult labor with a posterior presentation. Planning a homebirth, I wanted to give myself every chance for a complication-free birth, and especially reduce the odds of a painful labor. I went on a long search for a pregnancy-trained chiropractor, and received excellent care for my SPD and other alignment issues during the 2nd half of the pregnancy.
Around 37 weeks, I felt the birth must be imminent, since that’s when I’d had Brendan! Then, I patiently waited until 40 weeks, but when that came and went, I started losing patience. I struggled on miserably until 41 weeks, having started and stopped labor several times already. I was adamantly opposed to any kind of induction, fearing another c-section caused by “failure to wait”. I felt that if labor had not picked up on its own, the baby might not be in a good position, and induction might commit her to a delivery in a bad position - and all of the issues that entailed.
My EDD was Nov. 4th. Starting on the 2nd, I had several rounds of serious contractions. Jeff even stayed home from work one day! Friday morning, Nov. 12th, I had my first bout of active – pattern labor. I had 3 hours of contractions 4 min. apart and 60 sec long, from about 7 am. I was disappointed when they fizzled out, gradually stretching farther and farther apart. I was in a lot of pain from my hemorrhoids, and needed lots of help. Jeff stayed home from work again. I was miserable, crabby and frustrated. Not a good day.
When I finally got to sleep, I had only 2 hours or so before the contractions kicked up early Saturday morning. Again, an active labor pattern! Juliet (the midwife) was moving that day, and I just knew I was gonna wreck her plans! I got all excited again. After 5 hours of really intense contractions, lasting 90 seconds and only 3 minutes apart – fizzled again. What was going on? I had called so many people to tell them to stand by, only to have to call and tell them (again) that nothing was happening now. I was so sure. The increasing intensity and closeness had me convinced! But this time I didn’t have to wait until morning for another round. Although they spaced out to 30 min apart through the day, contractions came back slowly to 20 min apart, 15, 10…Finally, by 11 pm, they were only 4 minutes apart and lasting 60 sec. again. They were the most painful yet. I had to stand up each time one came to manage them. I could not relax and was getting scared that something might happen before anyone arrived. So I called my doula, Ann, at 2 am.
She came out around 3:30, but contractions were already spacing out before she arrived. I just couldn’t believe it. I was still contracting at least every 10 minutes, and it was so helpful to have her there to help me through them. They were so hard. By 8 am we were all exhausted, and decided to try to lie down. I was able to sleep in spite of a few waking contractions. At 11 am, Ann left to go home. Jeff and I slept the rest of the afternoon. A few times I woke up with a monster contraction that made me moan & cry out in my sleep! But nothing consistent. Eventually, they quit all together. So we went through the evening…Brendan was at Grandma’s the whole day, which helped me rest, even though I missed him and felt bad that he was gone. Jeff went and had dinner with them, which gave me some quiet time alone. Later that evening, I missed Brendan terribly and started to cry. We had him come home, and the family stayed and visited a little. It felt good for all of us to sleep in our own beds that night.
I felt so good Monday, I thought I could do this forever! Ha ha… It was the first day in a week that I had no pain and no contractions to work through. What a relief! Juliet came out for a check/prenatal around 2 pm. The baby was in a good position and was very reactive, which we were happy about. I had Juliet do an internal check, which showed I was 80% effaced and 1 cm dilated. She could barely reach my cervix and was not able to sweep my membranes, which was all right with me. Even with the check, I felt very crampy a few hours later, and was almost sorry we had done that. Jeff worked Monday and Tuesday, so I had Brendan on my own. But Grandma helped me out for several hours, and I was able to nap both days. I was so glad that Jeff would be home again Wednesday and Thursday.
Wednesday was a hard day. I was a day shy of 42 weeks! I’d had more prodromal labor each day, and I was tired and hurting. I could barely walk from all the pressure on my bladder and pelvis. Jeff went to a movie that night, and I had a meltdown, crying because I just couldn’t stand to be pregnant anymore! I was so, so uncomfortable. When he got home, we packed up Brendan and went out for Chinese food. It was nice to get out as I had been stuck at home for days!It was the first day in a week that I had no pain and no contractions to work through. What a relief! But we came straight home afterwards. I made some cheesecake bars before bed, just to have something to do, even though it was very hard to stand up that long. Finally we got ready for bed around 3 am and wouldn’t you know it – more contractions. I had no way to know that this was the beginning of my actual labor! I had a glass of wine and tried to sleep. No luck. I went to the bathroom and was very excited to notice some pink mucous on the toilet paper! Finally, finally, there was some progress that I could see! The contractions were pretty spaced out, but started getting closer together. I stayed up watching TV, unable to sleep.
By 7 am Thursday (42 weeks and my birthday!) they were again about 4 minutes apart, sometimes 3. I was able to handle them with breathing. Through the morning I had more show, called my birth team to put them on notice, and started to feel very sleepy. Jeff went to the store for some last minute things. Brendan woke up at 11:30 so I called Grandma, who came and took him. I couldn’t even think about nursing him! I laid down to try and rest, while Jeff made a pot of chili, picked up the house, and inflated my pool. Contractions spaced out a bit, which allowed me to get a little rest. But they were still quite hard and obviously dilating my cervix, as I continued to have more mucous. They continued all day and evening, in patterns from 4 to 8 minutes apart. I had to call my birth team several times to let them know things were staying the same. I was getting discouraged. After midnight, Jeff went to bed. The contractions didn’t allow me to sleep. Around 4:00 am, I had been laboring for 24 hours, been up for over 36 hours, and I was exhausted. I was desperately missing my son, who had to stay at Grandma’s over night for the first time. I was crying from frustration, praying, and even posting on the ICAN list asking for prayers. I planned to wait until 8 am and then call Juliet, my midwife, to come out and check on me. At 5:30 I got a little break and fell into an exhausted sleep, waking every 10 min or so for a giant contraction. At 7:30 my Mom called, and I was awake and going again.
I called Juliet right at 8 am. I told her I wanted her to come out. She was planning on a prenatal for me at 11, but I told her to come as soon as she could. I was just completely frustrated. Honestly, except for the duration, nothing felt that different from the tedious episodes I had been dealing with all week. I just felt like it would go on forever. But within minutes of me talking to Juliet, contractions picked way up in frequency and intensity. I told Jeff to fill the pool! I couldn’t get comfortable. Right away, I knew there was no going back. I got in the pool when there was only a few inches of water in it. I ran the hose over my belly and the warm water felt soo good. But the water started to get cold and we turned it off. I stayed in the pool for about 30 minutes, but I could not handle a contraction sitting down. Getting up took me out of the water. When I got out to use the bathroom, I never got back in. It was too much trouble!
Within an hour I was starting to lose control. After an unbearably painful contraction, I threw up. I couldn’t believe it. No one had arrived yet. I told Jeff to call Juliet and see where she was. I didn’t want to have this baby by myself! I think she was surprised, because I had just talked to her a few hours before and nothing new was happening. She was 20 minutes from my house. We also called our doula, who was at another birth. She sent her backup, Vicki, who happened to be the instructor from our hypnobirthing class. I was happy to have her wisdom and experience. I am afraid I didn’t impress her very much, though! Labor from here on out was pretty much a train wreck!
I barely remember Juliet arriving, around 10:30. I was already lost, at the mercy of these unbelievable contractions. Somewhere in the next hour, Vicki arrived, as well as the midwife’s assistant, Jen. I latched on to Vicki’s hand, while Jeff applied amazing counterpressure to my hips and sacrum. I didn’t have back labor, per se, but my hip joints felt like they were coming apart! No one else could give me any relief…I needed those big, strong hands of my husband’s. Boy, did I give him a workout! I would tell him “Squeeze! Higher! Now the middle! Lower!!” Sometimes when a contraction started I would just wail, “Honey, SQUEEZE!!!” The doula joked later that she would re-name the double-hip squeeze the “Honey-squeeze” when she taught her classes. I tried to lie down a few times, but this position didn’t allow for the counterpressure I needed.
Most of the time I stood next to the bed, leaning over the birth ball which was on the bed. There was no relaxing, no control, no rest – just pure survival. I screamed, yelled, begged for help, cried, prayed…for 5 hours! Juliet checked me at 12:30 and said I was 7-8 cm. (This was the first time I let her get near enough to check me! But I had to know!) She said, “No wonder, sweetie…you’re in transition!” “No kidding,” I thought! I kept saying, “I can’t do one more of these! Somebody please help me. DO SOMETHING!!!” Later they all laughed because everyone WAS doing something, holding my hand, squeezing hips, rubbing my back, etc. All I wanted was a little rest. I kept begging for a rest!! They said contractions were about 3 minutes apart, but it certainly didn’t feel that way. I couldn’t rest between them, either. They kept telling me to relax my bottom. What??? Not even remotely humanly possible.
Honestly, I would have had an epidural 20 times over if I had been in the hospital. I probably would have gone to the hospital if I thought I could have made it to the car, or survived the ride. I kept thinking it had to be almost over, even when it wasn’t. I was really scared because it was so much worse than I ever imagined. I didn’t know anyone could live through something like that. It shocked me when the midwife and her assistant were calmly sitting in my living room, reading and talking, while I screamed like a banshee in the next room. Like this was NORMAL??? I still don’t think it was normal. Vicki said later that they were the hardest non-induced contractions she had ever seen. All three attendants granted that I broke the record for most noise made in labor. Ooh, good for me! Again, I never expected that. I am a really quiet person and expected to moan or cry, but….not this!
I was dragged to the bathroom a couple of times. Laboring on the toilet didn’t help. One time they had me try sitting backwards leaning on the back of the toilet. That was the worst. I felt trapped and started flipping out. Finally, as I was going to the bathroom for at least the 10th time, I started making grunting sounds. My midwife didn’t recognize them, because, as she said, I had made so many different sounds the whole time! My doula said I started babbling in my own “language”. I didn’t notice this but I think it was when I was trying to talk but the grunts were taking over. It felt like trying to talk when you have the wind knocked out of you. After the contraction, not realizing I was pushing, I said, “Do you think the shower would help?” Yes, they all agreed, so I tried to get in the shower and sit on the birth ball! It was a joke! I couldn’t get up. I might have been in there for about 2 contractions. Jeff had to get in the shower and stand on the corners of the tub and pull me out. Then I knew I was pushing.
I told everyone that I was pushing. We went back across the hall to the bedroom and Juliet checked me again. Yes, I was complete. It was almost 3 pm. I did not really choose which position to push in, but just collapsed on the bed in exhaustion. So I ended up lying on my right side, which I had been wanting to do all day! Oh, it felt so good. Contractions spaced out enough that I could really rest in between. Then when they came, they weren’t very painful anymore. I pushed hard with each contraction, but it was infinitely easier than any of the labor I had just been through. I could feel the baby moving down with each push. My water broke about halfway through the pushing, but leaked out slowly as baby’s head was already in the way. Pretty soon, I could feel the stretching part. Jeff went down to hold up my leg and watch the birth. I kept wanting to put my leg down, and everyone kept saying, ”No, no, no!” The head was already coming. Juliet used oil and hot compresses to ease the crowning. I felt a bit of a stretch, but not the ring of fire I had been so worried about. I didn’t even realize when I had pushed out the head. Juliet asked me calmly if I was getting another contraction. No, I replied happily. I didn’t know that they were waiting for me to push out the rest of my baby! They had asked me if I wanted to touch the head, or watch in the mirror. I am sorry to say that I declined both options. I was so exhausted that I wasn’t that interested. I really regret that now. With the next contraction, I pushed the baby out. I thought that I had pushed out the head and body with that one push. I was really surprised later when they told me about the time in between. What a wonderful feeling…I can’t describe the relief!
I rested a minute while they worked on the baby. I was so tired that I didn’t immediately realize that the baby was not breathing and had no heart rate. They just said that he needed some help, and handled everything so calmly that I didn’t have time to be frightened. Juliet did a mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, some chest compressions, vigorous rubbing and a little slapping. I only saw the part where she was holding him up patting his back and bottom. He pinked up quickly and started to make some little sounds. (His apgars were 5 and 9.) It was then that Jeff pointed out that this baby was not “Molly” as we were expecting! The ultrasound had indicated a girl. What a surprise to find we had a beautiful boy! It was one of my favorite moments of the birth.
Benjamin Jacob was born at 3:29 pm, after 37 minutes of pushing. He weighed in at 9 lbs. 5 oz., and was 20 inches long. The placenta followed within just a few minutes. Juliet tucked Benjamin in next to me and we tried to encourage him to nurse, to help with his respirations. Although he wasn’t interested right away, he was alert and looking around. He received a little oxygen for the first 20 minutes or so. After we had plenty of time to meet and hold our new son, it was time for me to get checked. I had a minor 2nd degree tear and a skid mark, neither of which was particularly painful. It turned out that I had a partial placental abruption, and baby had aspirated some blood on the way out. It was not known whether this or temporary cord compression caused his delayed breathing. I did not have any major bleeding, although they had me drink an herbal cocktail just in case. Eventually, I was helped up and got into the shower to clean up. I couldn’t believe I felt so good after all I had just been through! I got dressed and sat in my recliner while Juliet did the newborn exam. I held my sweet new son while close family started to arrive. The birth team cleaned up our room and left everything tidy. It was the best moment when my little 2 year-old son came home and met his baby brother. He was happy to see the baby, but only until he saw his bedroom. “There’s a swimming pool in my bedroom!” he shouted, and never gave baby another thought. Imagine being 2 years old and coming home to find a swimming pool in your room! (We had set up the birth pool in there.) It was better than Christmas!
Later Juliet told us that when she checked me at 7-8 cm, the baby’s head was still not engaged. He must have dropped down quickly when the time was right. She admitted she had been really worried at that point, envisioning a long pushing stage. As it turned out, he came out perfectly LOA, and it appeared that positioning was not an issue in the labor. I had felt that he was LOA even during the long days of prodromal labor. So, I will probably never know what caused that.
There is still so much to process from this birth. I was completely traumatized by the labor for several days, and didn’t even feel that excited about having my longed-for VBAC. I couldn’t see signing on to do that again. Part of me thought, if I pushed him out that easily, I could have done that with an epidural, right? Then I thought about the moment of birth. The crisis was handled in a calm, professional, and humane manner. I warmed him with my body, spoke to him and nursed him when he was ready. Surely, in the hospital, baby would have been whisked off to NICU and I would not have held him for who knows how long. As it was, I went to bed in my own room with my new baby that night, and we all came out fine. I couldn’t put a price on that.
And a week later, holding my son, I realized I had bonded with him in a way I could not even compare with my c-section baby. It took me a year and so much pain to get to the same place with my first-born! Benjamin looked at my face, and turned to my voice within the first days, while I cried for months when Brendan would not look at me. How can I compare physical pain and emotional pain? It is a question I don’t have an answer for yet. I just know I survived. Everything worked. I don’t know if it was “supposed” to feel like that, or if it would be like that again next time. I don’t know if exhaustion or fear played a part. Nothing happened as I expected it to, and I have had some grief over that (days of Jeff’s vacation lost to prodromal labor, an out-of-control labor, packing up all the little pink clothes, and more….) There is an unmistakable joy over everything, though, and I am so thankful for that. It’s a new feeling for me. I am thrilled that Brendan has a brother to grow up with. I know my baby is healthy and has had a good start. No interventions or drugs, and plenty of good breastmilk from the beginning. He is round and happy and loved. And, thanks be to God, I am not pregnant any more!!! It was a hard pregnancy and a hard labor, but it’s done and we made it.
Brandy's Story (c/s for "CPD"; c/s for failed induction; postdates home VBA2C)
Kmom's Notes: The fat-phobic doctor Brandy sees in the beginning of this pregnancy thought she "would be lucky" to get to 37 weeks because of her size. This is ironic since Brandy actually had the opposite issue; she went "overdue" instead and was almost forced into a repeat c/s because she went "late." This is a common issue for women of size; studies show our pregnancies tend to go longer, probably because our cycles tend to be longer too. But most "due dates" do not take our longer cycles into account.
Brandy gave birth past 42 weeks; imagine how badly her baby would have been affected if she had had a repeat c/s at 37 weeks like the doctor wanted. The baby would have been 5 weeks too early!! But of course, any problems they would have then encountered would probably have been blamed on her size.
Women can give birth just fine even well past their due date. Although there are some risks to consider when going "overdue," there are also risks involved in inducing or doing a c/s instead, though doctors tend to discount those risks. Many women gestate longer than average and their babies are just fine, but it's important to find a caretaker who is truly comfortable with letting a baby arrive on its own timetable as long as it seems to be doing well.
Birth Story
My husband and I have always wanted to have a bigger family.
However, although we love our children dearly, their births were very traumatic.
If you can imagine going into what should be one of the most exciting times of
your life with fear of what the hospital bureaucracy was going to do to you,
then you can know where we are coming from. We were left fearing the very people
that are suppose to take care of us. N had spent one useless week in NICU
because of “policies and procedures,” and we spent our entire time at the
hospital with both children feeling like prisoners desperate to escape.
We began talking about having another child when my daughter turned one. DH was
so excited and eager. Several days before I could test he gave me a very special
gift. I have the same baby book for both N and I, but it was discontinued. He
began looking for a copy of it in April, and he kept it to give to me when I was
pregnant. I cried because I could not believe what an incredible gift it was. It
was not something I had discussed with him, just something he noticed. DH is
like that though. He is very romantic and always paying attention to details
like that.
Since I have a history of ectopic pregnancy that left me with only one tube and
ovary, I need to have an ultrasound at the beginning of the pregnancy to be sure
that the baby is in the right place. I made an appointment with an OB/Gyn who
marked herself as “natural childbirth friendly.” All was well.
What happened next blew me away.
The doctor, Dr. B., wanted to do a pap smear. I would normally
not object, but I had one just two months prior to that exam in her office. It
seemed pretty useless. I was told the pap was required. Then there were extra
swabs out, and I asked what they were testing for, to which I was informed yeast
infection. I explained that I did not want that test. I was told it was policy,
and I could not decline the test. (I later learned that I was lied to, since
that is a test for Sexually Transmitted Diseases. No wonder insurance premiums
are high… I have no need for that type of test.) Although I was irritated, I
complied.
Dr. B comes in the room, and I mention that I want to have a
natural child birth. She immediately begins talking down to me as if I was an
idiot, and explains that it is way too dangerous, not to mention all my problems
that I bring to the table. You see, I am overweight. I guess she thought I was
not aware of that when I came in to see her, so she took every opportunity to
point it out to me. I have never in my life been treated as disrespectfully or
as much as a moron as I was in that visit. Dr. B was convinced that I was a liar
about the ectopic drama, that I was unable to walk a block, and despite my
protests that I was neither she was convinced that I was a gestational diabetic
and had problems with PIH (Pregnancy Induced Hypertension). She looked at me
like I was nuts when I said that I thought my large babies were caused by having
a large father, and that they continued to be big once out of the womb as well.
She discussed setting up my c-section for 37 weeks; because there was no way
that someone my size could go beyond that mark, and “we would be lucky” to
make it that long in the pregnancy.
I spent the next several hours crying. I did not make a follow up appointment,
but I figured that regardless of what decision I made, this was probably as good
as it was going to get. I knew that if that was my option, I was not going to be
seeing a doctor. I had full confidence that I could walk into any ER and get a
c-section if I wanted one. The same could not be said for a vaginal birth, which
seemed like a distant dream.
I am now thankful to the Lord for that horrible appointment. I had wanted to try
a midwife or do some alternative to the traditional system, but it did not seem
possible. Now that I knew I could not continue to go the other route, it was
much more possible. My husband also became much more interested in the
alternative, after seeing how badly I felt after that appointment.
I had a very dear friend named Delilah who talked to me after that horrible
visit, and told me about a midwife who was a friend of hers who would take
VBACs. I had contacted one midwife prior to the Dr. B visit, and she did not
take VBA2Cs. I had assumed that was how it would go with all midwives, but she
directed me to someone who could help. Her name was M, and she had a birth
center. DH and I immediately thought she was great. She was not worried about me
trying for a VBA2C, or that I was overweight. She thought we would do great. Her
optimism really brought a part of the excitement of the birth process back to
us, because she offered us some hope that we could do this. We just loved her,
the center, and the idea that we actually had a chance to do things differently.
M wrote us the sweetest note about how she knew we would have a great delivery,
and was the first person to find Sarah’s heartbeat.
Tragedy struck, and M was killed in a car accident. Although we
did not know her well, she had already worked her way into our hearts. She had
given us hope that we could have a normal delivery, and the Lord had used her
mightily in our lives. We could not imagine what her family was going through,
and our hearts just broke for them.
M’s partner J took us as one of her patients, for which we were very thankful.
It was so hard to think of someone so young and beautiful with a family passing
away, and then we were sad that we might be back to where we started as well.
(Although we were much more upset for her family’s loss, as we had faith that
the Lord would provide a way for us.) J began seeing us when we were about 18
weeks pregnant.
At 20 weeks we had the standard sonogram appointment. The lady who did the sono
was not very friendly. She saw a fibroid that was keeping the placenta
from attaching properly to the uterine wall, and was on top of my prior
c-section scars no less. We were so scared. We did not know, until we began to
research at home that this was a danger of having a section. We also did not
realize that with every section the chance of this condition (known as Placenta
Accreta) increases. That was an eye-opening experience. We were never told the
dangers of having sections. We asked, but we were not told that this was yet
another side effect. The doctor, who did my first two sections, first for CPD,
and the second for failed induction, knew we wanted a larger family, but said
that he personally had done 5 sections on one person, so we did not think that
having them was dangerous. Not true. The danger of placenta accreta increases
dramatically with each incision. Furthermore, we learned after the first section
that ectopic pregnancy is a danger as well. We learned that after a miscarriage
and subsequent removal of my left tube and ovary.
At first we were both just so scared and so upset. It did not seem possible that
we were having yet another side effect from having a section. After a day or two
I really began to have no fear. None. I really felt in my heart that everything
would be fine, and I could not explain it but I felt it was the Lord granting me
the peace.
The day of our level two [sonogram], Delilah went with us to the
appointment. DH and I were afraid we might be emotional and not think through
all of our questions properly. Delilah is one of the most detailed and
knowledgeable people I know. She is also one of the most compassionate and
caring believers that I have met. Delilah prayed for us, and we shared a few
laughs before getting started.
The girl came in to do the sono and asked if we had any
questions. We told her we were hoping to see if we were having a boy or a girl.
She saw almost immediately and said, "It’s a girl!! DH and I looked at
each other and at the same time, said, it’s Sarah! As she was scanning, we
were able to see so much detail. I cried at seeing her heart beating because it
was so clear and so beautiful. Watching her move around was such a gift. We
asked if she saw any problems and she said no, but the doctor will be here soon.
The doctor came in, and was so much nicer than I expected. We also had a laugh
with him early in his visit, because I asked him about his published works in
the Journal of Perinatology. He was very surprised I knew about that, and I told
him I look up all my providers. He thought that was pretty funny, and said I was
the first patient who had ever said that. He reviewed the images that the
sonographer had taken, and then went to scanning on his own. After he was
finished he said, your placenta is nowhere near your scar site, and you do not
have a fibroid. We were stunned. We still had the last sono on tape, and you
could see the growth under the placenta. The doctor said it could have been a
weird contraction of the uterus, but it should not have lasted the entire sono.
He had no explanation at all that was adequate. I choose to take it as a
miracle. We left there praising God, and thanking Him for His graciousness, and
provision. Delilah, when she prayed for us, told us to pray boldly. It’s safe
to say none of us expected that answer though!
Our next big pregnancy milestone was taking childbirth classes in January. We
learned how making one choice often means making other decisions inadvertently.
Such as getting an epidural means consenting to pitocin, a bladder catheter, and
a fetal scalp [monitor]. We had not really thought of that before.
In February, at the request of J, I began seeing a chiropractor to help get
Sarah into a proper position. I cannot stress how skeptical I was at going this
route. I was convinced it was a waste of money, but I thought, I will do it,
since it was requested of me, and I don’t believe it will hurt anything. I met
the doctor, and she was really sweet, and I felt convinced that she believed in
what she was doing. She ran a few tests, and it showed a few things that were
not correct, and then told me I should come three times a week. It was going to
be expensive!! But we had the medical care account so I thought okay, I will do
this.
Boy, was I surprised when I told her about my tailbone, which had
hurt since N was born, and she believed she could correct the problem. She
explained that usually the bone doesn’t break in labor (what I had been told);
rather, it gets bent out of shape and causes pain. She said that had it been
broken it would have healed, and then I would not be in pain, but being bent out
of shape, it could cause pain indefinitely. So, she pushed my tailbone back
where it belonged. I have not had pain in my butt since!! DH asked me afterwards
if it was worth the over $500 we were going to pay out of pocket to go to the
chiro, and I explained that I would have paid much more than that to have my
butt fixed! He laughed and agreed. I am now a big fan of chiropractics. Oh, and
when Sarah was transverse, she flipped head down within a week of getting my
adjustments. I felt like my lesson here was that maybe the Lord was teaching me
to be more open-minded. I hope it is a lesson learned.
In March, DH and I ended up having an off-handed conversation about birth, where
I told him that I thought I would like to have a home birth. He is so amazing!
DH told me that he had felt that way for some time, and was going to discuss it.
I was so amazed that I married such a wonderful guy, and so excited that we were
on the same page and going to have Sarah at home!
The next big surprise for March came toward the end of the month… I was given
a surprise shower. I was so emotional, because no one had ever done anything so
nice for me before. I was surrounded by people that I just loved so much…. All
these amazing friends that I had made, and I had the best time. After the
shower, DH gave me a special letter that he had written with a prayer. He never
counts it enough to write them, he always reads his letters to me too. What a
gift. I will treasure these memories for all my life. And I praise God for
giving me such a wonderful husband and beautiful friends!
One of the other issues we were having was with our
midwife. I started to feel like we were making her nervous. It was not something
I could really pin down, but I thought maybe because we were a VBA2C. However
that seemed unlikely because she was once in our shoes. I don’t really know
what started to cause these doubts to creep up in my mind, but they were there.
DH was getting less content and more nervous as our due date approached, because
he felt like we were going to have to grapple somewhat with our care provider.
She is a loving and wonderful woman, but she seemed to vacillate between '
everything is great' to ' this pregnancy is not going so well.'
I had no complications with the pregnancy. My glucose was
wonderful, my blood pressures were great, I had gained a relatively small amount
of weight, and I was doing what I was told. However, one of the herbs that I was
asked to take, on one occasion, made my blood pressure go up and caused some
swelling. I am not a big pill taker, herb or not, so I was not too concerned,
since I knew it must be the cause of the elevated BP. Immediately after quitting
the herb, I returned to normal. This did not seem to go over well, and I started
feeling like I was reassuring my care provider that all would be well on one
visit, and then she would be happy the next visit. It was very odd.
Luckily she had a student C ( who was about to graduate) working
with her, and I always felt like she was on my side. She was always very upbeat,
and when we asked about doing a home birth, she was clearly so excited that you
could not wipe the smile off her face. She always made me feel better, and I
always felt like she was listening when I spoke. C was also so sweet because she
so badly wanted to be at our birth. We were so excited to have her there too!
As my LMP due date approached and went, I was not worried. The ultrasound due
date (4-27) came and went, and she still wasn’t here. That was okay. However,
this is when the questions start coming. “When are you going to have that
baby?” “You’re STILL pregnant?” Those questions… booming from friends
and people who check you out at the store. At this point, I was taking Evening
Primrose Oil orally and vaginally, as well as taking the herb that originally
raised my BP in order to start labor. I was walking, sitting on my birth ball,
going to the chiro, eating spicy foods, and doing just about every thing
you could think of. Every night I was going to bed thinking this could be the
night that I wake DH up to tell him I am in labor.
At 40 weeks 3 days I allowed the only check I would have before
labor. J checked me and I had a very anterior cervix that was mushy. I was
dilated to a two. YES! I was making progress and I was working. Although I
consented to this check, I was so grateful to not be getting checked all that
time. I really liked not having to take my clothes off and go through the whole
checking process. It was so freeing just to say no. I thought it would be hard
not knowing, but it really was for the best. When I did get checked it was to
confirm what I already knew, and to give my midwife a chance to see where I was.
Although admittedly this check was just a check and really meant nothing in the
whole scheme of time, it was good mentally for me to have this one done.
On the day that I turned 41 (by sono) weeks, I lost my mucus plug. I was also
having prodromal labor. I would contract every 15-20 minutes and it would go
most all day and end at night. The contractions were never that bad, and they
did not bother me, other than they never seemed to bring on labor! I
started having bloody show two days later, so I knew that my cervix was changing
then too! Now, if I would just go into labor… I went through the weekend with
no labor.
Monday, May 8th
J was not worried when we went past the 4-27 date. (I lied about my LMP to give
myself an extra week.) In fact, she said that she would let me go past the 42
week mark. However, when we hit the 41 week mark with no baby, she started to
get concerned. The biophysical profile test that she had said I would need after
42 weeks she wanted at 41 weeks. I took the first BPP at 41 and 3 days.
Everything was great. Sarah was doing really well, she scored a 6 out of 8,
which we were told was a great score.
We took the results to the office, and J was not
impressed. In fact, it seemed to really build her concerns. In a move that
seemed really unusual for J, she and her partner started getting onto me in the
open front office. We were the only clients there, but I was really unnerved by
this. I felt like I was being tag-teamed. When we arrived at the office, I was
contracting and having bloody show. By the time we left, both had stopped
completely.
J was very concerned that I had not gone into labor, and told me that I needed
to do something to bring it on. This language somewhat surprised me because I
thought that labor was not in my hands. She told me that the sono I had was not
as good as having a radiologist-read scan so I would have to go back and do one
the next day, and then maybe even the day after that, as long as the results
were good. But that I would have to have the baby before I turned 42 weeks. I
was told that I needed to take castor oil, have sex, continue the EPO, and let
her strip my membranes. I told them I would think about these things, and let
them know.
There was so much pressure at this visit. I never dreamed I would
feel the pressure of the clock before I ever went into labor, and that is
exactly what I was feeling. (This was one of my big labor fears, that I would
have to have the baby by a certain time or I would be sent to the hospital for a
section.) I cannot write down how scared and uncertain I felt after this visit.
When I called Delilah, I was in tears. I did not know what to think or do still,
but eventually I knew that things would be okay. I felt very lifted up by
prayer, and I was weak and bruised, but far from beaten. I told Delilah to
please keep having her prayer warriors lift me up.
We went to bed that night with a few decisions made. One, I would not have my
membranes stripped. I had Group B Strep, and I did not want antibiotics which
might or might not spare Sarah the infection. We would think about the castor
oil later, and we were not doing it before we went to bed or the next morning.
Tuesday, May 9th
The funny thing about the 9th of May is that this was the day
that C returned from her graduation from midwifery school. So, she could be at
our labor after all, which if I had to go later that seemed like a great thing
to hold out for! We knew that the phone was going to be ringing asking us to
make a decision, and DH without my knowing called up J and told her we would not
make any decisions that day. We were going to the zoo and spend time together as
a family; we were not going to do the BPP. He felt we were justified in the
decision since the first BPP was so good.
We had a great time at the zoo. J called [afterwards] and was really upset that
we did not do the BPP. After that, DH took the phones off of the hook. I think
every ounce of strength I had was gone by the end of Tuesday. I cried, DH cried,
and we both prayed. This was the hardest day of the entire pregnancy.
I was asked a question by someone unexpected, and it hit me very hard. The
question was when was I going to give up? When was the magic date? The answer
was simple, I had no clue, but I could not take many more days like Tuesday. I
was going to lose my mind if I did. I was beginning to think that maybe I was
going too far, but I always came back to the BPP from the day before… how
could she be so healthy, and then not be? She was moving around, and I knew in
my heart that she was fine. At this point I was required to take fetal movements
three times a day. I did them more like five times a day, and she was always
hitting her number of movements within 30 seconds. These were not the signs of a
baby in trouble. DH and I just held on, and decided that we would pray and take
things one day at a time. We were both so exhausted that we just went to bed.
As an interesting side note, there was a girl online who had been fighting
being induced and although she lived in New Zealand where the midwife standard
of care is used, she was well past her due date and getting frustrated. She kept
insisting on not being induced, but finally went in for induction and ended up
with a c-section. I was really sad for her; I think I was identifying with her.
She and I were the last on the board of April Moms that I knew of. I guess you
could say, then there was one.
Wednesday, May 10th
What a difference a day makes! When I got out of bed, I felt really good. I felt
so strong, almost like I could fly. DH was very beaten down, and it was clear on
his face, but I kept telling him all would be okay, and that we would have this
baby very, very soon. I could feel it. I told him that all the prayers people
were praying were lifting me up. My optimism even spread to DH.
We went and did a second BPP in the middle of the day. This
turned out to be a blessing. Our scanner for the day was so nervous about doing
this scan and doing it correctly that he took measurements multiple times! The
good news was that I was fine and so was Sarah. She had great fluid levels, he
saw fetal breathing motions, and all her parts were accounted for and
functioning great. She had an estimated weight of 9lbs 12 oz. The scan had taken
about an hour and a half because he was working so hard at doing a good job…
When I got up to leave I had a contraction, and he said, "We were all
afraid you would go into labor and have your baby here." I laughed!! I said
if that was all it took, I would have come here weeks ago!
Delilah and her apprentice/daughter V came over later that
afternoon, which was great. We all knew that on Friday I was going to exceed my
midwife’s protocols. So, if I did not have Sarah by then, I was going to have
to do something else. The conversation about options went on for quite some
time, and it was good to get all the cards laid out on the table.
That night DH and I went to bed feeling good, but knowing that we had one day to
go into labor. I had a feeling we were not going to do that, but I was
optimistic that everything would be fine.
Thursday, May 11th
When I woke up on Thursday, I did not feel as high as I did on Wednesday, but I
knew I was still lifted up. I knew I would not go into labor. I knew that Sarah
was going to come in the Lord’s timing. I had quit taking the herbs, and I was
not doing anything artificial to bring on labor.
That morning I spoke with J and she had to lay her cards out on the table, and I
felt bad, but I know that she was disappointed in me that I would not take the
advice of castor oil, herbs, stripping, etc. I did not think that making myself
as sick as a dog was the way to go into labor. What if I had a long labor, and
nothing left to give because I was so sick? What if it had an effect on Sarah
and or put us both in danger? What if it wasn’t time for her to be born yet? I
thought N’s induction might have worked had he been in a better position and
ready to be born. I had dilated quickly, but he was in an awful position. J’s
point was that I was headed to a section the next day if I did not have her and
was it worth it to put all my eggs in those baskets. I knew that I would not
willingly lay on the table at that point. Not with Sarah doing so well.
Really, wasn’t that the question…When would I give up? I can’t tell you
how many times I was asked this question in various forms. When will you end
this, Why won’t you just have a section, A section's not that bad… and my
favorite, Why won’t you put your baby first? I was frequently made to feel
like I was so selfish for holding out, which is ridiculous. Sarah was doing
great. I felt like I was being made out to be a bad mother for waiting. I think
it is important to say until I felt that the Lord was leading me on that path,
and as long as all the tests said that Sarah was fine, I was not going to
willingly lay myself down and have my body violated at my own request. If Sarah
was ever in any danger, I would have been the happiest section patient ever
operated on. I really believe that holding off was in Sarah’s best interest.
C-sections are a wonderful option for women and babies in danger, but not for a
perfectly healthy baby and mother.
After talking to J, I was very upset. I knew what she would say, and I knew she
was in a difficult position. Her protocols required her to give my care over. I
understood, and I knew it was coming. I went to the chiropractor for an
adjustment, and Dr. M did some additional pressure points. Her husband Dr. P did
acupuncture. On my prior acupuncture visits the whole procedure was pretty pain
free; this time that was not the case. He was determined to bring on
contractions, and he kept upping the TENS unit (adding electrical stimulation
to the acupuncture needles); I was very uncomfortable… but I was having
contractions. I was at the office for about two hours. Poor DH and Delilah were
worried, and DH even called the office to see if I was okay. Everyone knew I was
upset.
When I came home Delilah told me about a midwife she called and
asked about me hypothetically. The midwife, M, had already called her back and
asked why the hypothetical client hadn’t called her. Before I could get off
the phone with Delilah, J called, and I could sense her disappointment in me, as
well as at the situation that we were in. I called Delilah back, had a good cry
over the situation, yet again, and we agreed that I would get off the phone,
refresh, pray and call M.
M was such a pleasure to talk to. I said, “Hi, I am the hypothetical patient
that Delilah told you about!” To which she replied that she had been waiting
on my call. We both laughed. She was not at all concerned about my having
had two prior sections, as long as I realized what the risks were, and she was
not worried at all that I was starting my (ahem) 42nd week. (Again, I was not
telling that by LMP I was 43 weeks.) The first thing that she said that made me
take a huge deep breath was after I made a comment of falling out of the norms
by going late. She immediately corrected me and said, you fell out of the
averages, not out of normal. I don’t know how I did not fall out of my chair
when she said that. Tears of joy came to my eyes, and I told her, you are so
right. We spoke for quite some time, and agreed to meet in her office the next
afternoon.
After we spoke, I called DH and told him I really, really liked her, and that I
was confident that we had a care provider. Then I called Delilah, who upon
hearing my voice, said I can hear your relief. She was right. I was so relieved.
I had a back-up plan, and I knew that I could go ahead and gestate in peace now.
It was like having a huge burden taken off of my back. I felt like it was okay
to go into labor. However, that was the first night that DH and I went to bed
and I told him tonight would not be the night. I knew I needed the rest, because
Friday was going to be another hard day.
Friday, May 12th
Friday was the day that I needed to meet with J in order to get my discharge
from her practice. I knew it was coming, and I was outside her protocols.
I knew the Lord would give me the strength to do what I needed to do and the
grace to handle J with love and mercy… like I expected her to treat me too.
When I arrived I was surprised to see C there. Friday was not a
day she worked, and I knew she was there out of support for me. What an amazing
gesture, and she will never know how the Lord blessed me through her. I brought
up that I knew J was here to discharge my care, and I told her that I
understood. She asked me if I was going to go to an OB or hospital to have a
section. I said no. She explained that she thought that I was making a mistake.
I said I know that you do, but I don’t believe that I am making a mistake.
She then asked me the million dollar question…When will you give up? I gave my
truthful and usual answer, “I don’t know.” She explained that every day I
was past due increased the chances of bad things happening. I explained that I
had read up on post- maturity syndrome, and that I was aware of the dangers. J
went on to share information that did not necessarily correspond with what I had
read completely. I then said, “Well, no one is pregnant forever, and I know my
body will go into labor when it is time.” (Immediately Isaiah 66:9 came to
mind," Do I bring to the moment of birth and not give delivery?" says
the LORD. "Do I close up the womb when I bring to delivery?" says your
God.) J’s answer to this was surprising. She said that not everyone goes into
labor, and that I could be one of them. She had seen it many times.
At this point I realized that we had a core philosophy difference. I did believe
that given time my body would work. I had no idea why I had not gone into labor
like the averages said I should, but I did not think it was my time yet. She
thought that my body had failed. The big problem that I had here was that she
had experience, and I was going on theory. That is one of the things that made
C’s being there so special. It was okay for me to stand up and make this
stance because I was not alone, operating on theory. There was someone else
there who was standing up with me; someone with experience and ability, and who
shared my philosophy. I was able to stand firm, and lovingly disagree with J.
Finally J had me sign a document to absolve her of any poor
decisions that I made from that point forward. I knew that the language would be
strong, but I did not agree with the paper that I signed, and I felt like it was
scare tactics. However, I signed my name. I did it quickly and quietly, and just
wanted to leave then. I only signed that form for J’s peace of mind. If anyone
else had requested that of me, I would have refused. I did give J a hug,
promised to bring Sarah to see her, and thanked her for all the help and care up
to that point. It was clear that we both disagreed with the other’s decisions
that day, but I know to the core of my being that that visit was not easy for J,
and that she was giving me the best care she could. C and I said quick
goodbyes in the parking lot, and I verified that she would be willing to work
with M on my birth. Her smile was amazing!
At this point I was off to go meet M. We spoke to each other for almost two
hours. She shared birth stories with us that made me cry. She explained
that going 42 weeks wasn’t abnormal, and that she herself went almost 44 weeks
with her daughter, and that her mother went beyond 44 weeks. She told us how
much she loves doing VBACs because women appreciate so much more the gift of
natural birth when they have had the alternative. We just loved M, and DH was so
relaxed with her. They were joking together and I thought wow, this is great. We
were completely at ease with her.
Toward the end of the visit, she wanted to check heart tones and gave us a heart
monitor in case my water broke at home. This way we could monitor for problems
such as prolapse right after. I asked her if she wanted to check me and she said
nope, not if you are strep b positive. I was so excited! Another thing we were
on the same page about. When M checked Sarah’s heart rate, she had to place
the monitor very, very low. She asked if this is where it was normally heard and
I said no. She said she is into your pelvis if the heartbeat is gotten that low.
She did not think that CPD would be a problem. This was not something I could
fully register with more than a giggle right then. From this point forward there
were a lot of things that I couldn’t fully understand or appreciate until
hindsight.
As we were leaving, DH handed over the credit card for our down payment, and I
ran to the bathroom. M was actually going to do our birth. I was so calm and so
excited. I felt like I could dance. Amazingly enough, the bloody show returned.
Maybe we would be calling M in the middle of the night….
Saturday, May 13th
The next morning I woke up, and almost immediately began having contractions.
This was nothing new. In fact it had been going on during my waking hours for at
least 10 days.
I called Delilah to vent my frustration. She assured me that it was normal to do
this, and told me the story of the Little Engine that Could. Each time I did
this, I was getting somewhere, and to keep thinking I can. Eventually I would
get over the hill and all the children would cheer because I had the candy and
toys. The visualization made me laugh, and for whatever reason stuck with me.
After [a birthday party], Delilah called and asked how I was doing. I explained
that I still thought this wasn’t labor, but the contractions were getting much
closer together, like 5-7 minutes apart. [When Delilah arrived], I asked
if she would help wash the table off. DH teased Delilah about our getting the
platinum doula services. She was cleaning our house… would she mind mowing the
yard? Delilah laughed, and declined to provide the mowing services. She thought
we might need her help today and she did not want to smell bad.
I still disagreed about being in labor, but gosh those contractions were coming
quickly, every 3 minutes. D thought I should call M to give her a heads-up.
But I had thought so many times this might be labor and every time I was wrong.
I did not want to embarrass myself in front of this new midwife. Finally Delilah
said, “Do you mind if I call her?” I agreed. I nearly cried even then
because I just knew I was making too much of this. But I was having a hard time
controlling my emotions, and I was on the verge of tears.
When Delilah called M, she asked her if she had her birth supplies. It never
dawned on me that she might need extra supplies and more of a warning. Luckily M
was close by with her student and she had all her supplies. She was surprised
that I was having contractions since she had talked to me earlier and I said
nothing about them.
M and her student arrived. M had a huge smile on her face and
asked me if I thought we might have a baby today. I told her, I don’t know. I
wondered if she would check me and tell me if I was in labor or if this was more
of the prodromal labor-ish stuff. She said sure, and that while she was at it,
she would do a pelvic assessment. When she checked me on the bed, she said,
“No need to do a pelvic assessment, your pelvis is perfect fine since your
baby is already down, you are dilated to a four, fully effaced, and have a bulgy
bag.” I immediately began to cry. MY BODY WAS WORKING! I WENT INTO LABOR ON MY
OWN!!!! I had not done anything to bring on labor, but the time was at hand.
PRAISE GOD!!!
Delilah called C, and she was on her way to assist with M! YEAH! Things were
starting to move right along. M took my blood pressure and it was 104/60. I was
so relaxed! It’s great being at home! Don’t get me wrong, the contractions
were causing me to take notice and breathe. But I was so excited and riding so
high.
I decided to take a shower. I asked M if it was okay, and DH said, "Brandy,
this is your house, and your decision. If you want to take a shower, then take
one." While in the shower, the contractions really kicked it up a notch.
They were almost unbearable. I felt nauseous, weak, and like I could not keep
doing this. What a huge change! The water felt great on my back, and the cold of
the shower wall felt great on my forehead, but the contractions had really
gotten so close together it felt like they were on top of each other. Standing
had always made the contractions worse, but wow. This was really intense! I got
out of the shower and asked if I could be checked again. I thought it’s time
for this baby to come out now!! M checked me and I was a 5. DH was really
pumped, and I was like what??? Only a five?? I had a miniature panic in my head
thinking, " I can’t do this."
When I laid down, the contractions were still coming, but were more bearable. DH
had the big fan going, and he cuddled me, Delilah was offering verbal comfort,
and making sure I was comfortable. C was there answering too and rubbing my
legs. I was really afraid I was going to blow this opportunity. But as I laid
down, closed my eyes and things got quiet, the only person I was aware of being
there was DH. Things were quiet, and I felt like I was regaining strength. The
contractions were coming, but laying down on my left side they were less
intense. This break really helped me get my thoughts back together, and I prayed
for strength and wisdom. I opened my eyes and I was so surprised to see Delilah
still there. I had really phased out, and only knew DH was there with me. She
was sitting on the floor reading the Bible, and she read to us a Psalm that she
was reading and praying for us. It was a beautiful moment.
After she finished, I asked if I could have my birth ball, since
I wanted to sit rather than lay down and slow things down. I was under much more
control by God’s Grace and it was time to get down to business. Delilah and C
came in the room, and DH helped me get on the ball. Periodically throughout all
of this they would come in and take the fetal heart tones, but I don’t know
how often. Time was pretty meaningless. I remember thinking as the contractions
were on top of each other on the birth ball that I could not do this for another
12 hours. The contractions had gotten to where they were just on top of each
other. They were not impossible to ride through, but some really were so
painful. I was thinking in between how different this was than pitocin
contractions. Pitocin had the contractions right together, but the pain with the
pit was so different, and so much larger than these contractions. It was helping
me deal with the contractions I was having to think about that.
I suddenly felt a popping sensation, and I thought my water must have broken.
Turns out I was wrong, but Delilah said you should get up and go to the
bathroom. I had been having trouble getting urine out, and it had been a while
since I went to the bathroom. I agreed, but when I stood up, I started
pushing!!!
The sensation for me was very overwhelming. I wasn’t sure I could move, and I
was amazed at the power going through my body. M came in to check me, and told
me I was complete except for a cervical lip. She said she could break my water
to help the lip disappear and I all but begged her to break my water. She told
me to get up on the bed... M broke the bag of water. DH stood next to me, and
Delilah got on the other side of the bed to help comfort me. Delilah also got
cool rags, and made sure the pillows were in the right spot for me to be as
comfortable as possible. I looked at the clock for the first time and took in
the time. It was 8:10pm.
I had said that I did not want to be told when to push or
how to push, unless it would keep me from tearing. M and C were great. They told
me that I should avoid pushing unless I could not help it since I still had the
cervical lip. They said that the lip was disappearing with little pushes. Once
the lip was gone, they told me to push, but take my time about it.
Once I began pushing, M and C were putting warm compresses on the perineal area.
THAT FELT SO GOOD. It made it so much easier for me to calmly push, and felt so
good in between the pushes. As I continued to push the feeling became less
overwhelming and much more empowering. I could hear DH praying for me, and
everyone assured me I was doing great. I was having a hard time believing she
was coming out though. I kept asking DH over and over if she was really coming.
I was sweating like I have never sweated in my life, and I felt like I was
grunting so loud with each push. I was sure I was scaring my kids! I am told
that I was not that loud, but in my brain I was really, really loud. I continued
to pray in between contractions, and even once “yelled” for the Lord to help
me. He certainly did.
I continued to ask DH repeatedly if she was really coming. I was afraid that I
was not doing things right. Finally, Delilah tells me that they can see her
head, and M invites me to feel her head. I was sure I did not have the ability
and strength to do that, but I asked DH to look. He said he could see her head,
and it gave me renewed energy to draw from. I was actually pushing out my baby.
I started to enjoy the pushing as much as a person can when they are at that
stage. M would tell me when to stop to avoid tearing, and I started to recognize
the sensation and stop before she said to. She would point to different areas on
my perineal area, and tell me to relax/melt that part. I have no idea how, but
when she touched it, I was able to relax that area. (Later she told me that she
had read that from a famous midwife’s book, and she did not know how it worked
either, but it did.)
Finally they tell DH come down here to catch your daughter. I was so excited,
and I just could not believe that my husband was about to catch our baby. Her
head was totally out, and I needed to push out her shoulders and body. She had
not made a noise yet, and I was told there was quite a bit of meconium. I
finally gave a last push, and I felt her body come out of my body.
I JUST DELIVERED OUR BABY. I could not believe it. DH was
laughing that Sarah had more of a controlled fall, and was kissing me and
telling me how beautiful she was. I kept waiting for her to cry though. I was
getting scared, and M told me that she was great, she just wasn’t ready to cry
yet. She was still getting the cord blood and was going to be fine, but we would
not be able to harvest the cells because she needed them. Since we had the
meconium it was ideal that she start breathing on her own, rather than suck in
the fluid. M and C got out the syringe and asked Sarah to please not make them
do that to her. She immediately began crying. What an amazing noise!!
I started to cry and said, “CPD my ass!!!” (What an incredibly crass thing
to come from my mouth at such a beautiful moment!) I could not believe that I
had just given birth to our daughter. The tears were just flowing. I also made
mention of the Little Engine that Could and told Delilah that that children were
cheering.
I wanted to see Sarah and I needed to flip over. Since she was
still attached, this was going to be a little tricky, combined with the fact
that there was meconium all over. As I was flipping over, the placenta came out.
I apologized! I had never felt another contraction and was not aware it was
coming! I was appalled that I could be so unaware of the placenta coming out!
Sarah was so beautiful, and reminded me so much of N. She looked so much like
him when he was born. DH cut Sarah’s cord, and she began to nurse. It was so
awesome! I was so thankful to everyone for being there, and for making her birth
so beautiful. I was so humbled, and amazed, and just felt so much disbelief that
I had just had our daughter. We called our moms to let them know.
I took an herbal bath. DH took Sarah to meet N and I. They
were a little surprised but very excited by their little sister. M did a quick
check on me. My bleeding was great, so there was no need for any kind of pitocin
shot. My uterus was feeling like it should, and was shrinking like it needed to.
But the best news of all was that I did not have any kind of tear or even a skid
mark. I was so amazed. M did not think I did, but the exam conclusively showed
she was right. I was sure I didn’t tear as well since I was not in pain, and
when I went to the bathroom there was not any burning. Amazing!
After that, it was time for Sarah to get the newborn exam. Delilah went around
asking how much everyone thought she weighed. I thought she was in the seven
pound range. She seemed so small to me. M laughed out loud when I gave that
guess. DH guessed 9 lbs 12oz, and it was my understanding that almost everyone
else was thinking over 10lbs. She was 9lbs, 8oz., 20 inches long, and had a
14.25 inch head circumference.
She was healthy as could be, and it was great fun
to be able to watch and ask questions while the exam was going on. No one was
taking Sarah out of my sight without asking me first. I was just amazed. After
the exam, I got Sarah in her first diaper, and got her dressed. I was in a state
of disbelief. My baby was right there, and I was STANDING, laughing, and getting
my daughter dressed.
After the exam, I was told I had to eat before they left. I had pizza and juice.
It was really good. They finished up paperwork, and sure enough, they were all
gone. I sat there with my older children asleep, DH fading fast, and little
Sarah crashed out. I was so wide awake and I felt like dancing. I knew I needed
to sleep, but I had to sit and take in my life. What an amazing gift this day
had been.
I am still so thankful to the Lord for the Grace I was shown. I had the most
amazing birth that ever occurred. I really believe that, and I praise God!
Syeda's Story (2 c/s for frank breech babies, VBA2C)
Kmom's Notes:
Birth Story
Monday night, my BH [contractions] changed character; I had 2 before bed that actually hurt a little, and I felt them in my back. I hopefully told my DH that we might be wakened by labor that night. I felt more contractions each time I woke for the bathroom, but woke in the morning still pregnant. Tuesday I was full of hope and energy. My kids were in preschool and daycare and I thought I could finish all those jobs that I needed to finish before going to the hospital. I was looking forward to the jihad (struggle) of real labor finally starting. My doula and I agreed that I would probably have the baby before Wednesday night. I accomplished a lot that day---3 loads of laundry, cleaned the kids' room, checked their bags...for their stay at Auntie's house, a big pile of yucky dishes cleaned....
Early...Wednesday morning, I [woke to finish folding the laundry]. I woke DH at dawn when it was time for the early-morning prayer, then I went back to sleep until the kids woke up. Sweet DH took the kids to work...all day as we were sure it couldn't be much longer. There was brownish goop on the t.p. all day and painful contractions in my back, but they never got regular or stronger. By late afternoon I was getting tired and discouraged. I tried nipple stimulation a couple of times. It really got the contractions going, and maybe 3 min. apart, as long as I kept it up. At that point I wasn't ready to do nipple stim until my labor became self-sustaining. I also wasn't ready to tolerate the moaning contractions nipple stim caused. I knew that if I had that kind of contractions without the nipple stim I could tolerate them, but the nipple stim was distracting to me. Also, I knew I had a NST the next morning and I really hoped to deliver before that.
Thursday morning a very, very tired me was still pregnant, still having painful irregular contractions, and feeling like time was running out. I considered myself officially 42 weeks. I wasn't really worried about the baby, I just wanted to pass my NST so I didn't have to think about the OB suggesting CS or induction, my greatest fears. DH and I want more children and I know it would be difficult, at least, to find a dr. who would attend VBA3C paid by Medicaid.
We 'passed' the NST but only after DH started talking to the baby. One of the reasons I picked this hospital was the newborn hearing test. Now the test was proved unnecessary because clearly baby could hear Baba just fine. How about that---not even born yet and Baba is already 'the sun and the moon' to this one too.
From curiosity I allowed an internal. She thought I was 2 cm and 90%, but admits she may have stretched me a little, without asking or explaining (1.5 to 2 cm). This must be why this was the MOST PAINFUL internal I have EVER had. I could kick myself for shouting OW instead of STOP, esp. after hearing, "I'm going to make sure you go into labor today." When the OB was finished I felt so violated and embarrassed to have let it happen. Thank God my DH had gone to the waiting room, no telling what he would have done. At home later, I wrote the ICAN support group online, thank you all very much for your support.
Later, Thursday afternoon I realized that I had been feeling pressure against the inside of my right hip. I assumed that it meant baby was malpresented, so I did some lunges hoping to knock baby loose. I waited until after Friday worship before I tried blue cohosh; guess what, no contractions. I quit the cohosh in the evening and the contractions stepped up to OOOOHHHH contractions. I suppose this change should have alerted me to impending birth, but it didn't occur to me at all. The contractions didn't feel any different. Early Saturday afternoon more cohosh, but no contractions. I took a nap late in the afternoon and slept through the next dose of cohosh. SURPRISE, the contractions returned. It never occurred to me that cohosh could stop my contractions. I must have had the dose wrong. DH called from work. Someone had given him tickets for the 7 p.m. Shriner's Circus. He and the boys would be home after. I told him to enjoy himself, knowing that if I needed him I could call his cell phone. I called my doula in the early evening and told her I was thinking of going to the hospital just to check and see if I had made any progress. She offered to give me a ride when she heard some of those contractions. I wanted to wait for DH and the boys to return. I still doubted that the baby was imminent. The boys returned around 9 p.m. I told DH I wanted to go get checked. I fully expected to return home later that night in spite of the contractions I was having, after all this had been going on for almost a week already.
We parked as close to the ER entrance as we could. OK, picture me, a 42 week/2 day Muslim woman, covered Saudi style. I wished I was more comfortable with Unassisted Childbirth, especially after 9/11. OK, prepare for the worst, but expect the best. At the desk I showed my tummy and was reminded which elevators to take to L&D. I looked at the wheel chairs as I walked past, thinking, "Oh, I don't need one of those." My labor seemed to be on hold at this point.
There were at least 4 nurses at the desk when we arrived at L&D. I told them I was in labor and I just wanted to check and see if I had made any progress. In triage, I answered "I don't know" to all the usual questions. "When did this start? How far apart are the contractions? Water broken yet?" After I had given my sample and changed to a hospital gown, the nurse checked me. "You seem to be about 6 or 7 cm." "YAAAAAH! This will be over soon." (Picture me dancing on the inside.) We settled into a nice room across from the OR. I didn't care, I knew I was going to deliver just fine. This was about 10 p.m.
I was hooked up to the monitor to give them their reassuring strip. I called my doula to let her know we were staying. Baby's [heart tones] were great but my contractions didn't show at all. I leaned back to relax...When my doula showed up I had been on the monitor for about 45 minutes and was ready for a bathroom trip. She got them to let me loose so we could try to speed up my contractions. Labor seemed to still be stalling. I think I wasn't quite settled in yet. She and I walked down the hall and back, hey, just in time to be monitored AGAaaaaaAIN. My bad luck, the only position they could get clear tones was laying down (protocol every 15 min). My good luck, the MW from my OB's office was on call. I really like her, she's very warm (guess whose b-day is the same as baby's).
We watched Saturday Night Live as I labored. My doula said she had never seen anyone as far along as I was and still laughing and joking. Whoever was closer (doula or DH) applied pressure to my back when a contraction started. I think I had been there 2 or 3 hours when I realized I was feeling pressure against my right hip again. I did lunges to swing the baby more to the left; it seemed the right thing to do. My OB, MW, and labor nurse were in and out, just watching.
Somewhere, I assume between 1 a.m. and 2 a.m., I was up trying to decide what I wanted to do next when I had a sudden urge to pee. When I wiped myself I saw lime green on the paper. I knew instantly my water had broken. I saw 'something' in the toilet when I stood up. "There's merconium," I told the collected crowd as I exited the bathroom. At 42 weeks 2 days I knew it was very possible, but I never really expected to see it and it scared me. The nurse did a test for amniotic fluid, of course it was positive. Nobody freaked out over the merconium, so I let it go.
My contractions picked up at this point. I became serious shortly thereafter. My memory of this part is very fractured. I am in the bathroom. "This is transition, right, it's almost over," my doula agrees with me. Walking from the bathroom I look at the TV as one of SNL's actors makes a joke; I laugh hysterically half-crying, thinking, "This is not THAT funny." I have to look away to stop laughing as I notice a contraction building. I try pushing in the bathroom without telling anyone, thinking, "Is it time to push yet?" I remember a contraction where I put my face to DH's chest and just scream until it is over.
"What do you want to do now?" the question comes through the air as I pace by the bed. I'm lost. "I don't know," I say. I walk, I squat, I search for what I need. I am back in bed, (monitoring?) I am on my left side having a contraction. Dh is pushing on my back and the doula is pushing down on my hip. DH's hand is in the wrong place. I reach to move it and my elbow connects with his head. "Sorry, move your hand HERE. Better." "Make du'aa (supplication), say "ya Allah," think of all the sins you're paying for, "ya Allah," "ya Allah," I breathe. I feel better.
MW says, "You're almost there but you're more dilated on the left than the right." A voice in my head says, "You heard her, roll over so you can dilate better on the other side," so I do. I hear her as if from far away, "You're 9.5 with a lip." I can see her hands 'down there' doing something. "Oh well, it doesn't hurt." I let it go.
3 a.m. Doula asks, "Why don't you try hands and knees?" It sounds good so I try. PAIN explodes in my rectum. I fall onto the bed on my side. "God it hurts," I think, then I'm pushing or trying to. A voice in my head is saying, "Don't take too long to push or you may run out of energy." I'm on my right side, someone lifts my leg. My legs are out straight, someone is holding the top one up. "This is not working, "I think, "What am I doing? There should be pressure on my feet." Between contractions I roll onto my back searching for somewhere to put my feet, something to push against. My feet are guided into the stirrups and one of the leg supports is in place. I'm trying to push; those #%$ stirrups are too far away. I try to escape over the head of the bed during the next contraction. I'm not really thinking, I'm just doing. MW's voice from so far away, "No, you have to come this way, towards the foot of the bed." My hands are pulled down to the handholds near the bottom of the bed; the other leg support is in place. This is what I was looking for. More disembodied words, "Curl in when you push. Yes, that's the way." Through a veil I hear how well I am doing. With the next contraction I move my feet to the near edge of the leg supports. I am 'squatting' on my back and PUSH, pulling with my hands. I feel it working. Doula takes my hand, "Here, feel the head." My hand is moved to this spongy, wet, hair covered thing coming out of me. "That's not what I thought it would feel like." Another contraction. I grab the handhold again and PUSH. I know I'm almost there.
3:17 a.m. PUSH, so slippery, oooohhh wow, the pressure is gone. I melt with relief. MW closely followed by DH announce, "It's a girl!" There's a baby on my tummy. "It's a girl?" I ask the air. I hadn't let myself think this one might be a girl, I've wanted one for so long.
My jihad complete, I want to move on to BF, but this new world is too interesting to Darling Daughter. The nurse takes her. MW suggests a push to deliver the placenta. I push; there is a big gush. "Well, that wasn't the placenta," I think. A few minutes later it plops out with a small push. I wait while the MW sews up my 2nd degree skid mark. The early hour catches up with me, I'm getting sleepy. DH asked, "What do you want to call her?" "Huda," I reply firmly. Huda, meaning guidance from Allah.
If you had asked me immediately after the birth if I wanted to do that again, I would have said NO! But by 2 weeks postpartum I was not only ready, but excited at the prospect, in spite of all the monitoring....
It was important to me to see how well my body could perform, given the chance. I've seen I'm not broken, and it's beautiful.
Christie's Story (septate uterus, 2 c/s for breech or transverse babies; home breech VBA2C)
Kmom's Notes: A septum can cause problems with a pregnancy, most notably a tendency towards "malpositioned" babies because babies don't have as much 'room' in-utero. Because modern OBs no longer know how to do breech births, this means that these women most often end with cesareans and it can be difficult to get a VBAC.
Despite all of Christie's efforts to get baby to stay head-down (external version, moxibustion, chiropractic care, etc.) her baby was breech again when labor began. Fortunately, she had found care providers who were more comfortable with breeches in case the baby didn't turn. All went well and she and her baby had a lovely VBAC.
Birth Story
Baby #1: My first birth, in 2001, was a planned c/s I was hoping to avoid for breech/transverse. I worked diligently with all methods I knew of to turn him, and had successfully turned him (albeit to transverse) by the time my water broke and I went into labor. I am ever grateful for the days of pre-labor and the hours of early labor that my son and I shared, but will always mourn the loss of bonding caused by the hours of separation in the hospital for routine procedures. I believe it still affects his attachment to me to this day.
Baby #2: My second birth, though it is hard for me to call it that, was a planned VBAC. I had researched more about turning babies and hired a doula, again doing everything I knew to avoid a c/s. She also remained breech/oblique, despite the addition of techniques such as moxibustion (an acupuncture technique). The GD diagnosis really threw me psychologically, and I think also contributed to my acceptance of defeat when the OB offered no other solutions to turning her, other than a version at *39* weeks and the agreement for an immediate c/s if that did not work. For what it's worth, I question the GD diagnosis to this day, given that my glucose levels were quite good during both my second and third pregnancies.
Baby #3: Despite three external versions (one of which was successful),
moxibustion, Webster Chiropractic care, ice packs, music, breech tilts, hypnosis etc, my little boy was breech when labor began at approximately 39 weeks.
I never felt like I had given birth to either of my [prior] children and absolutely hated the surgeries. Being tied down, and paralyzed from the spinal were absolutely terrifying to me and triggered the feelings of helplessness I had felt when I had been sexually abused as a child. Moreover, even after my daughter was born, though overjoyed to have my son and daughter, I was devastated to not have achieved what I considered to be a rite of passage for women. I had always pictured myself giving birth naturally, medication-free, to my children. So many women take that opportunity for granted. I found it amazing that I had been criticized on many an occasion for wanting to give birth vaginally, when cesareans were “so much
easier.”
The comfort with and skill level of attending breech vaginal births were one of the first questions I asked prospective
midwives [when planning for the birth of my 3rd child]. I was blessed to find a midwife who is a former ICAN leader, with over 20 years experience and comfortable and experienced with breech vaginal deliveries. I also had another midwife, her partner, in attendance. The four of us (they along with my husband, Andy, and I), had agreed to proceed with a breech home birth as long as I continued to show progress and the baby was doing well as assessed by
FHTs {kmom note: fetal heart tones]. This was based on research that indicated that when labor in a breech birth was not progressing, it was indicative of a problem that would necessitate a cesarean.
On Saturday, March 11, I began feeling heaving abdominal and cervical sensations. I also had the distinct feeling that my water could break at any moment. Sure enough, I woke up early Sunday morning (1 a.m.) lying in a puddle of amniotic fluid and vernix. I was excited and called the midwife and then tried to rest. Contractions began at about 2 a.m. and were about 6-8 minutes apart and very manageable.
Contractions began to pick up around 9 a.m.—they were consistently 3 minutes apart and starting to get my attention, though still quite manageable. S, one of the midwives, came and checked me, and forgot we had agreed for me not to know how dilated I was (I was 3 cm).
Andy and my son set up the birth tub. I got in, but didn’t stay long, as it wasn’t comfortable and it was quite a production to change from wet to dry clothes.
At this point, having the kids around was a welcome distraction, and I was still able to be amongst everyone and manage the contractions (still 3 minutes apart). The worst part was actually shoulder and upper back pain that must have been from tensing up during contractions. By late afternoon/early evening, I began feeling the need to pace/circle my house during contractions (had been managing them sitting up, just pausing during my conversation). I started getting frustrated when the kids and/or their toys would get in my way while circling/pacing and was ready for everyone to leave. Instead, Andy and I went upstairs to lie down and listen to the CD I had made of music that inspired/relaxed me. I treasure these moments. It was a wonderful time to connect with the man who has supported me all of these years and given me the gift of (now) three wonderful children.
The midwives checked me and I was “on the edge of transition” (later they told me I was 6.5 cms and completely effaced). So, I was making progress, just a lot slower than we all thought would be the case. I hopped in the shower, and that helped immensely.
At this point, I decided to listen to the Hypno-birthing Affirmations Tape. This was very reassuring. I was still feeling somewhat discouraged by the length of labor, though, so my wonderful husband, pulled me into our office, sat me in a recliner and began reading my Blessingway emails from my ICAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network) friends. It was just what I needed, to be reminded of all the love and strength supporting me from all over the world.
We stayed in that room to labor, as I was as comfortable as one can be “on the edge of
transition.” We both dozed on and off as my contractions and noticeable moaning allowed. The midwives told me later, that my contractions spaced back out to 6-8 minutes apart during the night, allowing me to get some much needed rest.
My daughter called for Daddy at 1 am. Andy went upstairs and fell asleep, so I was left to labor alone. After awhile, remembering that the midwives had expected a relatively short labor, I began to get discouraged that it was already over 24 hours. I remember thinking that I had accomplished enough by laboring as long as I had and even had passing thoughts of transferring, but as soon as I realized this would mean a c/s, I quickly found the strength to continue!
I decided I would feel better being near the midwives, so I went into the room where they were sleeping to labor there. They continued to check on me hourly, which at least gave some comfort. My son’s heart rate was consistently in the 130s, like the ECVs, he seemed to have no problem dealing with labor. This was of course, very reassuring.
After the kids got up and out of the house (my son to preschool, my daughter to my mother’s), the midwives suggested I get in the pool, but I wanted none of it. I got into the shower instead. Aiming the warm water on my belly really helped the contractions be more manageable. When Andy came back, he accompanied me on my laps around the house, which was so nice. I also walked up and down the stairs as much as I could to help the baby drop down.
I tried the exercise ball, and while there, asked the midwives how I will know when to push. I was very discouraged that I wasn’t feeling the urge, even though, earlier, the midwives had implied I was completely dilated. It was especially nerve-wracking because I know how important it is to push a breech baby out quickly. Interestingly enough, although it was always a concern of mine in pregnancy, the thought of Uterine Rupture only occurred to me in passing when I would feel some twinges of adhesion pain. But, from the research I had done, I knew that’s what it was, b/c they were minor, associated with movement and would pass.
We went upstairs at 12 pm. The midwives checked me and told me that I could try “practice pushing” if I wanted to. While I did, J pushed on my son externally to help get him more centered, as he had again drifted to an almost diagonal position. I tried various positions, hands and knees, birth stool, semi-sitting, etc. and nothing was comfortable.
Pushing was a great fear of mine, because I have always had trouble communicating to my body what I want it to do, and again, I knew it was of the utmost importance to push the breech baby out quickly. Intellectually, I know that I am a large-framed person and I doubted that head entrapment would really be an issue, but it still worried me some.
At one point, my midwife, S said, “You aren’t going to get the baby out pushing that way” (taking breaks during a contraction). She didn’t mean for it to, but this really played into my fears of not being able to push correctly. At this point, my wonderful husband said to me,
"Think about the email you will get to compose to ICAN; start writing it in your
head.” He knew just what to say to give me hope! I told them I was worried and getting frustrated, so they suggested I shower and then rest with Andy.
The contractions were much stronger at this point, and the shower didn’t even take the edge off. I was still very frustrated with pushing and not feeling the urge, so S and J suggested that Andy and I lay down together again to rest. Later, S told me that I always progressed when Andy and I spent time lying together. I thought this a wonderful testament to our relationship.
The contractions were hard to handle lying down, but I was somehow able to doze between them. After only a few minutes, I had a monster contraction and literally jumped out of bed. When this would happen, I always headed straight for the bathroom, where I would usually have contractions one on top of the other. I heard S say to Andy in her mother tone, “I thought she was
resting.” Both midwives were downstairs at this point. I asked him to ask
them if I should push if I felt like it (and I did) and they said “Sure.” I reached down and felt into my vagina and felt something, which I guessed to be a foot.
Andy went and got the mirror and flashlight and sure enough, a foot was emerging. I could see the wrinkles on the sole of his feet—so exciting! I began grunting and involuntarily pushing at this point and suddenly, heard the midwives rush up the stairs. The sound of their feet stomping up those stairs is one I will never forget! It was really getting exciting! I was going to do this!
The midwives quickly set up the birth stool and moved me from the toilet to it (figuring I didn’t want to have him on the toilet). By the time I stood up to move, his foot was hanging down. Just a few pushes (and about 7 minutes) later, and our little Ryan joined our family! It was absolutely amazing!!!!!!!! I had been worried my body wouldn’t know how to push, but it knew exactly what to do!!!!
As soon as he was out, I began bleeding quite heavily, and the midwives very calmly moved me to the floor. They kept asking me if I was there with them, and I was getting annoyed, and told them of course I was. Later they told me that I had lost all the blood I was “allowed” to lose and they were worried I would lose consciousness. I was just elated with my baby, the birth and my body and annoyed to be lying on the uncomfortable hardwood floor!
I do feel some sadness when I think of the way my other two children entered this world, especially my daughter, who was in almost the exact position that her brother was in (almost diagonal). I have slightly more peace with my son’s birth, given that he was transverse and my water had broken, making a version unsafe according to my research. But, again, I didn’t know then what I know now and I don’t think I would have appreciated Ryan’s birth nearly as much if it weren’t for the first two births.
It is amazing to me how far-reaching the impact of this beautiful birth has been. I truly feel like a different person; more at peace than I was before. I look at life with a lot more joy. And, I feel much more “whole” as a mom. I think a part of me didn’t feel right even giving myself that title before, since I hadn’t really given birth to them. Sad, but true.
I can’t thank the women of ICAN enough and I plan to do what I can to give back as an ICAN Chapter Leader.
Devaskyla's Stories (SROM, induction, cesarean with seroma; unassisted home VBAC)
Birth Story
Baby #1:
Very soon after I got pregnant, I started doing research and reading about pregnancy and birth. Very early on in my reading, I learned about doulas. I thought that this was a wonderful idea and decided that I was going to become one. I looked at DONA's website [Kmom note: Doulas of North America, www.dona.com ] and got their reading list. I decided to try to read as many of the books as possible....
I was determined to have a natural childbirth and even considered a home birth. My husband was not too impressed with the idea, and with the combination of this being my first baby, being an hour and a half from the nearest hospital, extremely limited finances and being 5 hours from the nearest midwife, I gave up on the idea. I planned for a natural birth in the hospital, with a detailed birth plan which specifically requested limited interventions for me and no eye goop, shots, formula, or circumcision for my baby.
I saw a GP (a.k.a. Family Physician) for the first 8 months of my pregnancy. He was pretty good. A bit hard to talk to, but very low intervention and willing to answer the few questions I had. I also took a childbirth class given locally by a health nurse. It was a class I didn't really need to take, since I knew as much or more than she did by this point (except for actually having gone through it, of course) and I mentioned things she was unaware of or brought in extra information to classes.
I was due on the 15th of August and around the first I had my first appointment with the doctor who would be delivering my baby. We had to drive an hour and a half or so to get to the appointment. There was a lot of testing done (weighing, measuring, urine testing) and a lot of waiting. The city only seemed to have 2 doctors who did deliveries, one was an actual OB who dealt with high risk women, and the other doctor (who I was seeing), who was trained as an OB overseas but didn't quite qualify here, though he was still allowed to operate.
The very first thing this man said to me when he saw me was, "You're probably going to have to have a c-section. Most women under 5'2 do." Well, I knew this was complete b.s., but it's still a traumatic thing to hear, especially as the very first words out of someone's mouth. I should have run right then. I could have switched to a doctor in another town nearby--I didn't, though. The appointment didn't improve much after that, with the doctor insisting I was due earlier than I knew I was (all he did was put the wheel thing somewhere in the vicinity of when I said my LMP was, not exactly on the date; I've found he does this quite often). My DH and I left the appointment extremely upset. I was in tears, actually.
My one huge fear was having to have surgery. In all the reading that I did, I deliberately avoided reading up on it. I barely mentioned it in my birth plan. I just could not face the idea. It was terrifying.
I was supposed to have another appointment with him on the 8th, but cancelled it, and another on my due date. I called him to see if this appointment was really necessary or if I could skip it. I just didn't feel like making that drive if I didn't have to. He informed me that the appointment was actually for an induction because I was "overdue" (only by his lame excuse for calculating!). I told him there was no way I was coming in to get induced. He tried to persuade me for a while but finally realized he wasn't going to get anymore and made me give official verbal notice that he had informed me of the dangers of going over (specifically meconium-related) and basically told me it was my fault if my baby died. Nice.
I told my family what had happened and had both my mother and sister screaming at me that doctors know best and I was endangering my baby, etc. I finally hung up on one of them and my DH answered the next call and effectively told my Mom to bugger off, that I wasn't talking to either of them again until they stopped stressing me out.
On Saturday the 18th of August, I lay down for a nap around 8:30 p.m....Around 9:30 or 10:00 there was a massive clap of thunder. Found out later that the lightning hit somewhere in town, so at most it was 3 miles away. I got up about 12:15 and felt water running down my leg. Since I hadn't had any problem with controlling my bladder during my pregnancy and I was past my due date, I was pretty sure it was my water. I went into the bathroom and found a huge clump of mucus in my underwear. It was definitely my water! Yelled down the stairs to DH and told him that my water had broken and I was going to have a shower.
He started freaking out a bit and asked me if we shouldn't get going to the hospital. I told him I wasn't having any contractions yet and we probably didn't need to go until they started. Got out of the shower, came downstairs, still leaking occasionally. I still hadn't had any contractions, so I told DH to try to get some sleep. He finally did about 2:30 a.m. I went on-line and read messages and posted to my message board that my water had broken. I still wasn't having contractions and I was really upset by how messy my kitchen was, so I was reading messages while I took breaks from cleaning.
About 5:30 a.m. I still hadn't had any contractions but I was beginning to think maybe I should at least call the hospital. I called them and told them I thought my water had broken, should I come in or just go to the city? She said about it having just broken, and I said no, a couple hours ago. She told me to get on the road RIGHT AWAY. So we did. I don't know why I didn't continue with my original plan to stay home. I really wish I had. I think it would have made everything a lot different.
I got to the hospital and up to maternity by about 8 a.m. Got checked, I was at 1 cm. Still no contractions, tiny bit of meconium in the water, which the dr. "reminded" me that he'd warned me about when I chose not to be induced on my due date. My belief now is that the meconium was there because of the thunder. It really was a miniscule amount and the thunder had scared me quite badly, I can only imagine how scared a little baby would have been! It was decided that they'd "let" me go for a few hours and try to get my son to drop and some dilating and contractions to get going.
About 2 p.m. I got checked again, still at 1 cm, still hadn't really had a contraction and my son was still up really high. So, I got put on pitocin and the monitors. My son kept managing to move so they couldn't hear his heartbeat, a technique he'd done regularly during the pregnancy, so a couple hours later (I have no idea what time it was, really) the doctor checked me again and put an internal monitor on. Since I was still only 1 cm and he could only just touch my son's head, this procedure was really not fun. In fact, it was agony. Something else I wish I'd never consented to. (Not that I was given any chance to refuse.)
I was on the pitocin until about 7 p.m. or so, they upped it to the max by about 6. Dr. checked me again and I was still only at 1. I'd had a few contractions, but not very many. My back had been hurting quite a bit, but I hadn't really been feeling any contractions. I don't think my son was malpositioned, but I suppose he could have been. I still haven't seen his medical records, there may be some information about position in there.
The doctor had to go do another c/s, so they were going to leave me on the pitocin until after he was done. I asked if there was really any chance that another hour or so was going to make a difference and was told no, so I said to just take me off the drugs, which they did. I knew there was no way that I was going to be allowed to continue trying after 24 hours was up. If I'd stayed home until I was contracting and lied about how long I'd been leaking for, maybe we would have had a chance to have a natural birth. At the time, I didn't know about the low risk of infection without vaginal exams or that I could just refuse them.
I cried a lot about having to wind up with a c/s. Then the nurse came in and put a catheter in, which was also quite painful, though nowhere near as bad as the internal monitor. The dr. came back and they unhooked me from the machines so they could wheel me into the O.R. One nurse told me I had to give up my glasses, even though my birth plan said I wanted to wear them whenever I was conscious. By this point I was so exhausted and upset, I just gave them to DH. Got to the O.R. and everyone was doing whatever it is they do. I was talking to the nurse near my feet, who was there to help me bend over so they could get the spinal in, and I said that I was kind of upset I wasn't going to be able to see anything because I didn't have my glasses. She was really nice and actually sent another nurse to go get them from DH. Yay!!
My DH decided not to come in with me. He felt that he couldn't deal with it. Lucky him, not to have to deal with me being cut open! I was so upset about the section that I didn't really care at that point. I was still being my usual empathetic self. My DH feels bad now that he didn't come in with me, and has almost since the next day, but that doesn't change that I was alone, that I have no pictures of my son just after he entered the world and that because my husband wasn't with me, my baby was whisked off before I'd barely seen him and I didn't see him again for a couple of hours.
The anesthesiologist was really nice, too, but didn't believe me about my extreme reaction to morphine; he decided it was just a normal reaction and put it in my IV anyway. When he thought everything had taken effect (there were apparently shots of something put in my legs too), he told me that when they almost had the baby out I'd feel some pushing up high. Not long after, I felt the pushing, but I was thinking that it couldn't possibly be them getting the baby yet, I didn't think they'd started cutting. Next thing I knew, I heard them say that the head was out, then that it was a boy!! Guess they had started after all.
He was born at 8:49 p.m. on Sunday, August 19 and weighed 8 lbs. even and was 20.5 inches long. His head was 37.5 cm. They took him over to a bed that was all the way across the room from me. Even with my glasses, all I could really tell is that there was a baby over there and that they were rubbing him off. Eventually, they bundled him up and brought him over to me. I couldn't move my arms, don't know if they were strapped down but I had a monitor on one arm and the IV stuff on the other, so all I could do was look at him and give him a kiss. Then they took him off to meet his daddy and then to be suctioned, warmed, bathed, warmed some more, bundled up and stuck in a little plastic box in the room I'd be going to after the numbness wore off. I do have pictures of all that, at least.
I was lying there for quite a while and kept feeling nauseous, so the anesthesiologist kept putting stuff in my IV to keep me from getting sick. I knew then that he hadn't listened about the morphine. Anyway, I heard them say something, I don't remember what, and I asked him if something was wrong. I got told that because of being on the pit so long, my uterus wasn't contracting at all, so the dr. was massaging it to try to get the bleeding to stop. I guess it eventually did, because they finally started wheeling me to recovery.
And without the anti-nausea drugs, I got sick. A few times and a recurring pattern for the next 12 hours, until they finally gave me a prescription anti-nausea drug in my IV. The nurses kept trying to tell me that there must be something horribly wrong with me to be throwing up water and I kept telling them it was just the bloody morphine. Good thing I'd had it once before or I might have been getting worried.
Finally got to my room at about 10:30. DH was there holding the baby. The nurses hadn't told him how to hold the baby and he didn't have any experience with babies, so they looked kind of awkward, but even drugged out of my mind, I thought it was really sweet that he'd held our son the whole time they were waiting for me, rather than abandoning our new baby to be by himself. DH stayed for a little bit to see how I was doing, then brought my son to me and went to make phone calls while I finally got to hold my baby. And, from looking at the pictures, didn't do a very good job! He seems to have fallen in one, though I think maybe I had been trying to get a look at him without all the bundling.
Nursing was very difficult. I have inverted nipples and between that, all the excess fluid in my system and all the drugs making my son sleepy, things didn't seem as though they were going to work. The nurses were very encouraging and brought me a nipple shield, which made nursing possible. Unfortunately, I didn't know about the problems they can cause with supply, or the difficulties with getting rid of them. My milk didn't come in for 5 days so I supplemented a couple of times. Around 2 months postpartum, I had to take Blessed Thistle to up my supply. We never did manage to get rid of the shield and are still using one. I eventually discovered that, in order to make up for baby not "milking" the areola, I needed to massage my breasts and the area covered by the shield while he was nursing. It helped quite a bit with supply. I only wish I'd discovered it early on.
I stayed in that hospital until Tuesday, when I got myself released to come to my local hospital. The car ride home wasn't too bad, except when we hit a bump. I really didn't like being in the local hospital. DH wasn't with me and I had a hard time doing much without help. It's a really small hospital and I was always worried about my son disturbing everyone when he cried, one of the reasons I supplemented a couple of times. I was finally allowed to go home on Thursday, though the doctor would have preferred I stay until Friday. On the Monday (8 days postpartum), I had my staples removed. Some of them stuck a bit but it wasn't too bad. It took me weeks to stop being terrified I was going to burst open, though.
At my 6 week check-up, the doctor discovered a hard lump under my incision. She made a small slice in my skin incision and a bunch of fluid came out. She took some for testing, then stuck a "wick" in the hole, covered it with gauze and tape, and told me to go to the hospital when I needed it changed. It took several days but eventually the liquid all came out and the little slice healed. The fluid wasn't infected, thankfully. [Kmom note: This was probably a seroma.]
It's been almost 2 years now. I was in agony for the first 6 months after I stopped taking pain killers all the time. I was frequently in pain for the second 6 months. And I still regularly have twinges of pain. Usually not long or extreme, but enough to remind me constantly of the unnecessary c-section I had.
The main reason for the extended recovery time and large amount of pain is that, rather than a low transverse incision, I had a high transverse incision on everything but my uterus. The incision was about halfway between my bikini line and my belly button.
I'm not pregnant again, though I hope to be soon. And I will not be going to the hospital at all, unless there's a definite emergency. I hope to have a home waterbirth.
Baby #2:
Things started the exact same way this time as they did with my first son, only difference being it was a couple weeks earlier in pregnancy. My water broke on Tuesday morning. I woke up around 3am and felt a bit damp, but figured it was just sweat since our place is hideously hot. Around 4:30am, my husband came to bed. We talked for a few minutes and I thought I felt something. I thought maybe I was losing my plug, so I went to the washroom and realized that I was getting gushes of fluid. I really hadn't expected things to start this way and had been taking vitamin c for most of the pregnancy to try to avoid it, but was hopeful that labour would start in a few hours.
During the day on Tuesday, I would get an occasional contraction, but never more than about 1 an hour, sometimes I wouldn't get one for several hours. Wednesday was more of the same, although I was getting one almost every hour. There were even a few that were closer together than that. I kind of lost it on Wednesday night. Between the leaking and the fear that I was looking at a repeat and labour would never start (which I know was completely irrational, but I was tired and desperate for labour to start). I lost it so bad I seriously considered going to the hospital. My husband very bluntly asked me would I rather leak or be cut open again? That quickly brought me back down.
About 10pm on Thursday, I went to take a shower (aka hiding out from my mom phoning to find out what was going on). While I was in there, I also scrubbed the tub a bit, since it had been driving me nuts for days. Near the end of my shower or just after I got out, labour suddenly kicked into high gear. From every twenty minutes or so (we weren't really timing, except for one or two contractions occasionally), contractions moved to 15 minutes, then 7, then 2, in less than a couple of hours.
Sometime around 3/4am on Friday, I started getting pain in my back, too. Until this point, all the contractions had been in a band extremely low down in my belly. Once they started hurting in my back too, I just couldn't take anymore and decided to try sitting in the tub and using the sprayer during contractions. Unfortunately, we only had one and it didn't stretch very far, so either my back or my belly got sprayed, and it was very difficult to get my back without standing up, which I didn't want to do. My husband put a pillow in the tub with me and I alternated between sitting up and leaning back. Sometimes one seemed to work, then the next time it would make it hurt worse.
I finally got my husband to put the plug in (I couldn't reach and didn't really have room to move) and let the tub fill while I used the sprayer. Once there was enough water, my husband started using a cup to pour it over my back during contractions while I sprayed my belly. The pouring didn't really do anything to lessen the pain, but it did give me something that briefly distracted from it, which was nice.
By around 7 or a bit later, I'd been out of the tub for while and the only way I could endure the contractions was to push during them. I don't know if I was fully dilated or not and I didn't feel what I would call an "urge", but the pain was manageable when I was pushing and excruciating when I wasn't.
Sometime after I started pushing, my husband checked me and said it felt like the baby's head was jammed against my bones. I think the baby must have been stuck for awhile, because on several pushes my husband and I noticed that my stomach was bulging out, which it didn't do when I pushed later, after he was unstuck. I spent several contractions on my hands and knees, no idea how long, but when husband checked again, he said it seemed like the baby was even more stuck and had moved back. I decided to try lying on my back for awhile to see if that made any difference.
I don't remember if I did it because I remembered someone mentioning it, because it felt better or because husband had written to the ICAN list and a couple people mentioned it to him, but I started arching my back during the contractions, occasionally alternating with sitting up and leaning forward, which seemed to also make it hurt a bit less.
The arching seemed to be working, but I couldn't really do it very well due to the problems with sciatica I'd been having for months (I was going to be going to the chiropractor that week, but never went because of the leaking). I had some pillows and a cushion under my head, so I got rid of the pillows, which helped me arch a bit better and I heard a slight sound kind of like bone on bone.
I knew then that the arching was probably making a difference and I wanted to be able to do more of an arch, so I left my cushion where it was and slid so that my head was on the floor (our bed was just a mattress on the floor). I then planted my feet on the bed and used the cushion to help me get a bit more arch. After a few times of this, there was a loud, several second long, sound of bone on bone. I didn't feel anything, but I must have subconsciously noticed something, because I don't recall doing much, if any, arching after this point.
During all this, my husband and son were in and out of the room and shortly after my husband came and lay down on the bed next to me. I seemed to be getting a bit of a break between contractions at this point, though they were still extremely painful. My husband was so wiped, he fell asleep for several contractions. At some point, they must have eased off enough that I was able to sleep briefly, too. I have no idea how long we slept, my husband seems to think he only slept about 20 minutes, but he actually fell asleep twice, once was when I was asleep too, so it was probably longer than that. I woke up and dealt with a few contractions before they got bad enough that my moaning woke my husband up.
I continued labouring in the bedroom for awhile. My friend, J, called around 12:30 to see how things were going. We had planned for her to come watch our son if needed and maybe offer some reassurance to husband (since she had had a VBAC herself), but our son was doing really well and my husband had been coping pretty well, too, until it seemed like things were dragging on forever. She managed to reassure my husband some. Around 1pm, my son fell asleep on the couch in the living room, so my husband no longer had to go back and forth between us.
By this point, I was just thinking about the next break between contractions, they hurt so much. When I was between them, I just enjoyed the relief and didn't worry about the next one, didn't think about anything. There were several points, and this was one of them, when I really, really wanted my husband to just call the ambulance and let them make the pain stop. I really didn't believe I could take it anymore, but I did. [The first time I felt like that was when I was in the bath and started pushing the first time. I also felt like I couldn't take it anymore around when I was arching my back, especially before I figured out that doing that would help.] Changing positions didn't seem to help at all, but I kept trying anyway. I alternated lying down on my back, my sides, kneeling against a pile of cushions, sitting on the toilet, leaning against the wall and hanging onto my husband.
I decided to try the tub again for awhile. I don't know exactly what time that was, probably about 2:30 or 3. I think it helped a bit. I started pushing some again while I was in the tub, but I couldn't really get comfortable in there and had to keep moving around. My husband was completely exhausted and in agony, so when he talked to J again, and she offered to come over, he was very willing to have her. She had to get someone to watch the kids and then she got stuck in traffic, so she didn't make it here until about 5, at which point I was back in the bedroom and I'd been pushing again. Just before she got here, husband checked me again and the top of the baby's head was only about a knuckle in. I can't tell you how relieved I was that I was actually making progress this time. I couldn't feel him moving down at all, but obviously this time the pushing was working and he hadn't gotten stuck again.
When J got here, my son woke up and my husband stayed with him for a bit while J came to support me. I was pushing on the toilet when she got here and didn't really want to move, but I also didn't want to have the baby there, so eventually I moved back to the bedroom. I alternated pushing in kneeling, hands and knees and reclining positions. I couldn't get enough leverage in either of the first two positions and it was taking forever. Knowing I was so close, I really wanted to get it over with.
When the head was visible and not really sliding back anymore, I switched to a mostly sitting position, with a huge pile of pillows behind me. J told my husband she didn't think it would be very much longer, so my husband and son came into the bedroom, too. We had promised our son that he could watch the baby be born, but he didn't want to be around the rest of the time.
J suggested that I plant my feet on the bed against the bed to try to get a bit more leverage. I did this for quite awhile and the baby was very slowly moving down more, but I still felt like I wasn't getting anywhere. J then suggested that I try holding my husband's hands, since I kept grabbing at my arms to try to use my whole self to push. Holding my husband's hands really helped with the pushing, since I really yanked on him and I actually started feeling like I was making progress.
I reached down to feel the baby's head and there was quite a bit out. I couldn't understand why it was taking so long to get his head out, but after he was born I realized that what felt like it must have been all of his head above the eyes was actually only about the top half of his head, it had moulded so much.
I kept pushing and I started screaming with every push. I'm not entirely sure why, since it didn't hurt that much, it just felt like the right thing to do. Really surprised we didn't have anyone coming to check on things here (apartment). I was determined not to tear, so I regularly paused between pushes for things to have time to stretch. It was uncomfortable, but I figured it was better than recovering from a tear, especially since I had no one to sew one.
It was really weird how I was thinking rationally, but I wasn't able to articulate anything while I was labouring.
I finally felt his head come out and knew that one or two more pushes and I'd be done. The cord was around his neck loosely, but I just couldn't handle having anyone's hands there long enough to unloop it, so I just pushed the rest of him out into my husband's hands and J unlooped the cord. Then I got to hold my new little boy! He let out a little whimper and pinked up right away. We didn't suction him at all since he obviously was breathing fine on his own.
I found out later that he had come out facing my right hip and he hadn't rotated at all after his head was out, he just came straight out the next time I pushed.
My husband got a towel to cover him and I sat there and held my new son for quite awhile, at least an hour. J left right away, since she had only planned to come over for a little bit to give my husband a break and she had to get back to her kids.
Eventually my tailbone started really hurting from the way I was sitting, so I got my husband to come tie the cord. He tied it off with a couple of shoelaces that had been boiled and then cut it with a pair of scissors that had also been boiled.
The placenta still hadn't come out, so I got my husband to tie the cord again closer to my body and cut it short so I didn't have to have it dragging around until the placenta decided to come out. My husband took our new little boy and I went to have a shower. I was a
bit woozy, though, so I sat down in the tub and used the sprayer to wash myself.
Eventually we had some nuked chilli for a very late supper, around about 9:30. After that, I went to get ready for bed. I went to the washroom and the placenta came out, about 4 hours after the birth. It really stung coming out because it was huge. We were all too exhausted to deal with it, so we put it in the fridge overnight, and then froze it. Eventually, we'll be getting a tree and planting it at my mom's place.
We weren't expecting the baby quite so soon, so we had no diapers. We just kept the baby wrapped up in a towel until the next day, when my husband went and bought some diapers. We didn't dress him or bathe him until Monday morning, when I gave him a quick sponge bath to get rid of the little bit of blood that was still on him. Except for a tiny bit in the creases, all the vernix got rubbed into his skin, like it's supposed to be.
We weighed him by putting him in a sling and hanging it on a fish scale the day after he was born and he was 8lbs 8oz. His head was 35cm and he was about 19 1/2 inches long. Really hard to measure, though, since he was so curled up and not at all happy about me trying to straighten him a bit. :) It turned out that the fish scale was off by quite some way, since when I took him to the health nurse at 10 days old, he was only 6lb 12oz.
Jer's Story (footling breech, c/s; induction for macrosomia, fetal distress, "failed" TOL c/s; Unassisted VBA2C)
Birth Story
Like all VBACs, this journey began long before this pregnancy. My first child, my daughter, Rhiannon, was a c/s due to her position: double footling breech with triple nuchal cord. My second child, my son Gareth, was a CBAC-- a c/s after a long, hard struggle to VBAC. I was abandoned at 41 weeks by my "midwife" (I hate to dignify her with that title); I was induced with pitocin, labored hard and hellishly for 17 hours (12 unmedicated), and finally ended up with a c/s under general anesthesia for iatrogenic fetal distress.
Both my babies were "macrosomic"-- Rhiannon weighed 9 lbs 5 oz, and Gareth was exactly one pound larger. The midwife who betrayed me panicked because of my son's predicted size-- she convinced herself, and me, that I couldn't possible birth such a "monster." I'm proud to report that I can indeed-- and did!
The birth was unbelievable. It was AMAZING! We planned a homebirth to avoid all the crap we'd been put through in hospital with Gareth. I wouldn't trust an OB as far as I could throw one, and these days I feel pretty much the same about midwives. So we decided to do it ourselves. Unassisted pregnancy and birth isn't for everyone, but I wouldn't choose anything different now.
It was great. I did my own prenatal care-- monitored my blood pressure, measured my growth, really watched my diet (since nutrition is the MOST IMPORTANT aspect of growing a healthy baby). No one to bug me about useless tests that I would refuse anyway. No cups to pee in and carry around (how degrading!). No one demanding I schedule another c-section!
I was a healthy as a horse-- something I couldn't help but be smug about when the 18-year-old I worked with who was also pg, but having traditional OB care, ended up on bed rest and then had to go to the hospital for possible pre-eclampsia (she's fine now, delivered a healthy boy in hospital-- medicated vaginal birth). I worked (at a library) right up until the day I went into labor-- Wed Sept 7, 2005.
I left work at 2 pm, went to my mom's apartment for some quiet time, then headed home at 5. I stopped to get some gas-- reached down to "pop" my fuel lid-- and felt something else pop instead! I stood up and immediately confirmed it: yup, my water had broken!
I got back into the car and drove straight home. I had a couple contractions-- nothing bad-- but I was good and soaked when I finally parked in my driveway. I went into the kitchen and found my husband, John, washing dishes. "I need you to go get some gas," I told him. "My water broke."
John jumped immediately into freak-out mode. I got him calmed down and convinced him that he wasn't going to have to catch the baby right there in the kitchen. Rupture of membranes doesn't automatically mean labor, after all-- most women go into labor within 24-48 hours after their waters release, but it could still be days.
Nothing much happened after that for several hours. The leaking was annoying-- Rowan wasn't engaged, so his head didn't stop the flood. He did move down a little, so it was a bare trickle rather than Niagara Falls. I had a few contractions, but still nothing to indicate I was going to give birth anytime soon. I went about my life-- ate some supper, watched TV, got the kids fed and bathed and tucked in. John and I went to bed at 10-- but I didn't stay there long.
My contractions suddenly picked up noticeably. Lying down-- even sitting-- was uncomfortable. I wanted to be up doing pelvic tilts-- that felt better. Hmm. This might really be labor, then....
At 10:30, I woke John up. "I need you to fill the pool," I said. "I'm getting in the shower." We had a kid's "fishy pool" (inflatable wading pool, about 2 1/4 feet deep and 5' across) set up in the living room. It already had some water in it, but I needed hot water-- as it happened, HOT water!
Water is *wonderful* to labor in. It's not called "the midwives' epidural" for nothing! Once it was half full or so, I climbed in-- bliss! Floating through contractions was so much easier than standing through them-- although I ended up standing up through most of my labor, I think because Rowan's position and descent demanded it. I got into a pattern-- stand for two or three surges, then float through a couple, then stand again. Get out occasionally to go to the bathroom or get into the shower-- the high-pressure hot water on my back felt good. Mostly I stayed in my pool, though-- and John added some more boiling (!) water every once in awhile.
I had no concept of time. I'd made John turn the clock so I couldn't see it-- I didn't want to stare at it all night. I'd jokingly said, early on, "Wouldn't it be great if the kids could wake up in the morning and meet their new baby? And I could call Mama and tell her to just stop by on the way to work?" (I hadn't told my mom and sister I was in labor-- I know them; they'd be up worrying all night.) I was expecting to be there for the long haul-- my labor with Gareth lasted 17 hours. I figured I had a long way to go.
John set up a camp bed in the living room and slept as much as he could, so I spent most of the night laboring alone in the dark, like a cat. It was marvelous. Not easy-- it's hard work; that's why it's called LABOR. ;) It was intense. Not painful-- I can't call it painful. But it's... inevitable. Inescapable. Uncontrollable. You can't get away. I kept thinking of that kids' game, "Going on a bear hunt"-----"Can't go over it, can't go around it, have to go through it!"
At some point-- John says it was around 1 or 1:30 am-- I realized I was starting to push with each contraction. "Can't be," I told myself. "It's too soon! I'll swell my cervix shut!" But I couldn't help it-- I was pushing. Rather, my body was pushing, with me along for the ride!
I got up and went to the bathroom. Believe it or not, the toilet is one of the best places to labor, because we're already so used to "opening up and letting go" there. ;) I spent a few contractions sitting there, then went back to the pool. By now I was roaring through each contraction-- howling like a mama wolf! It's wonder I didn't wake the kids up!
Surge. Roar. PUSH! Breathe. Again. And again. And again... and again... again...
On and on and on. How much can a person take? This is silly-- I didn't have to do this! But then I remembered what a former yoga teacher once told me: "The mind gives up before the body." And on I went.
I didn't feel I was making any progress (although it looked much different from John's point of view, he tells me!). I started crying. "I can't," I wailed. "No more. I can't do it anymore."
"Yes, you can," he said firmly. "You can. You ARE. You're almost there."
With the next contraction, I felt some burning-- ring of fire? That's a sign that baby is crowning, that the head is almost out. Oh, surely not...
I reached down-- and stared at John. "There's a head there! Right there!!" And there was-- a hard, smooshy, wrinkly, wet head. Rowan was crowning-- I was about to give birth!! John felt it too, and his expression was awestruck. "You're almost done!"
With the next surge, I pushed-- and the head was out to the ears. Then I waited. And waited. The next contraction seemed a month away! That was the only truly painful moment of my entire labor-- having a head halfway out of your body STINGS!!
Finally-- contraction. PUSH!! And-- I had a baby in my arms!!!!! Rowan was born, and I caught him, with John assisting!! WE DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
John checked his watch: 4:33 am. I couldn't believe it. 5 1/2 hours from the time hard labor hit, I was holding my baby. INCREDIBLE!!!!!
At 6:30 we woke the kids up. "Come meet your new baby brother!" They were amazed-- talk about the Stork arriving in the night and leaving a little stranger! Then John called my mom: "You might want to stop by on your way to work and meet someone..." My mother and sister came at 7:15 or so, with a box of Krispy Kremes. Just as I had dreamed!
We took Rowan to the pediatrician when he was 6 hours old, where he was pronounced "perfect"-- all 10 pounds, 5 ounces of him!! Exactly the same size as my "impossible-to-deliver monster." We even went to Walmart that afternoon. That was fun: "Aww, look, a baby! How old?" "Um... 8 hours." "WHAT??!?!?!??!?" It was hilarious... and empowering!
I did have one complication-- when I delivered the placenta, it came out in pieces-- and it didn't all come out. I wound up with an infection and had to have a D&C on Sat, then spent a couple days in hospital getting IV antibiotics. That wouldn't have happened if I'd transported right away, but I just kept hoping it would resolve on its own. But all's well that ends well-- it's a terribly rare complication, and it was probably caused by my previous c-sections. It certainly won't stop me from freebirthing again, if I should be blessed with another pregnancy! And Rowan wasn't admitted, so I kept him with me and nursed him, so we avoided formula too. Yay! :D
It was amazing, truly. I'm so glad we stayed home. I got up and took a shower 20 minutes after the birth. I could pick up not only my infant but my toddler afterward without worrying that my guts might fall out. Sure, I was a little sore-- but it was NOTHING next to recovering from major abdominal surgery.
Don't EVER let anyone tell you that c-sections are "the easy way." I wouldn't trade my unmedicated birth for all the anesthesia on the planet. It was phenomenal!!
All in all, it was a fabulous experience-- it took lots of reading, soul-searching, researching, learning, thinking, and praying, but it was the right choice for me. I'm so glad I did it. Till now I felt like I'd had two kids without ever giving birth-- sometimes I wondered if I was a babysitter, and Rhiannon and Gareth's "real mom" would show up someday to claim them. Now I know for certain that Rowan is mine-- I'm that real mom now. And I can wear my button with pride: I'm a VBAMC Mama!
Lori C's Story (diet-only GD, induction, vaginal birth; fetal distress, c/s; HBAC)
Kmom's Notes: A good lesson in the risks of breaking the waters. It offers very little benefit in most circumstances, but does carry risks. In this situation, baby #2 went into fetal distress after the doctor broke her waters, and she ended up with a cesarean---under general anesthesia, no less.
Lori had a tough VBAC labor because she had a long, premature urge to push, which is very hard to resist. Fortunately, with good labor support, she got through it and went on to have a VBAC with her baby.
Birth Story
What an experience - laboring and birthing . . . something that I hadn't completely had the opportunity to experience until this day. Not the picture perfect HBAC that I had dreamed about, but I wouldn't have done it any other way! The third time's a charm, they say!
Baby #1: Induced vaginal birth
My first birth was a medically managed vaginal delivery after I was induced at 38+ weeks for fear of big baby (I had diet controlled gestational diabetes) - she was 7 pounds, 13 ounces.
Baby #2: Cesarean
The second birth I wanted to do things very differently, but kept the same hospital OBs because, after all, they would just catch my baby . . . Well they didn't even do that. After laboring for just 8 hours, the doctor broke my water and I progressed from 3-8 centimeters in 30 minutes, had a premature urge to push and my cervix was swelling. The doctor saw fetal distress, and took me back immediately for a c-section - I was out under general anesthesia, and within 7 minutes, the baby was cut out of me, and my life would be forever changed.
I answered a calling that I felt and became a doula to try to help women avoid the traumatic event I experienced on my son's birthday. I also found the International Cesarean Awareness Network at about 6 months post partum, whose unconditional support and understanding brought much healing to my heart. Both of those changes in my life forever changed me, and although we weren't planning any more children, I was glad to be helping other women. Well, God had other plans for us, and we found out in October 2004 that we were pregnant for the third time.
Baby #3: VBAC
The Birth Story of Kayla Anne, June 30, 2005, 6:20pm
This time, I felt as though I really did everything I could to plan the safest and healthiest birth for myself and my baby. I hired a midwife, 2 doulas, and decided that birthing at home was the safest place for me to be. And this is the story of my third child.
Around 12:30am on June 30th, I awoke to a contraction. Several minutes later, another contraction. Could this be it? Could this be the day that I've been waiting for for over nine months? The contractions were mild, coming about every 6-8 minutes probably, though I was hesitant to time them knowing it didn't mean much. The feelings: excitement, worry, peace, calm, joy . . . all mixed together in my being. Excitement that I would actually have a fair opportunity to birth my baby the way God intended, which I had never previously had. Worry as to what the road ahead of me would bring. Peace that I would trust my instincts, my body, my supporters, and birth my baby! Calm that I was remaining at home for this sacred day. Joy that I would soon birth my baby and meet this joy that I had nurtured and loved for over nine months.
I lay in bed, not wanting to awaken my husband, Mike, wondering if I should call C, my midwife. I gave myself some time to go back to sleep, and after about an hour, I called C, as she had requested prenatally, to give her a heads-up that I thought I was in labor. She asked that I call her again when anything changes. I also called my sister, T, to let her know, as she had gone to Pittsburgh the day before, but we wanted her to be with me for the birth, and to take care of my other two children, Hallie and Bennett. I couldn't sleep, as contractions were still coming, though still tolerable, so I decided to distract myself a bit, check e-mail, and get some final things prepared for the labor and birth.
At about 3am, I called C to let her know that this was definitely labor, and the contractions were getting a bit closer together, but I was managing well. She decided that she'd be on her way, and I was wondering if I'd called her too early. I don't think I was ready for support at that point. I hadn't even awoken Mike. I liked the time that I had alone, laboring with my baby, smiling as I thought of what was to come. I knew that was soon to change, so I woke Mike up and told him that today was the day. I labored a bit longer in bed, on my hands and knees, and then I decided to call my doulas and let them know that C was on her way. I decided to stagger when people were coming, so I called W first, and called M a bit after.
I labored for a while on the birth ball after Mike blew it up, which felt really good. Sometime between 4 and 5am, W came and immediately started rubbing my back, which felt very calming and relaxing. I mentioned to her that I had just called M, and so she should be here in a while. By about 6am, my entire birth team was there including my midwife, birth assistant and two doulas. Oh, and my sister was on her way, and I decided to wait to call my mom until I was further along in labor. When M came, she took over with the back rub, which felt so nice and relaxing during contractions. I also held Mike's hands during each contraction, as I needed to feel him close, and be with me throughout this journey.
I coped in various ways throughout the morning including on the toilet, on my hands and knees in bed, on the birth ball, standing up and leaning, and at one point (around 9am) I got into the Jacuzzi tub, and then later in the morning, I got back in again. The kids were in and out, and gave me kisses, and it was nice for them to see mommy working hard, getting ready to birth their baby brother or sister. My sister, T, had come at some point earlier, and she was also in and out (more in than out, from what I was told, but I felt so surrounded in support with my eyes closed, that I don't know exactly who was with me throughout labor). All of my support people gave me just what I needed even before I asked. I had plenty of water to drink, cool clothes with lavender on my forehead, hands to hold, voices to calm, and all was well.
I remember around 11am, I started to feel the urge to push, and I wanted to get out of the tub to use the bathroom, as I didn't feel as though it was time to birth, but just to go to the bathroom. Someone commented about not letting me push the baby out in the toilet, but I knew it wasn't time. I was feeling the urge, but the time wasn't right. I asked C to check me, and I was at 4 centimeters dilation. This was crushing news for me, and my first emotional setback. I felt as though I was working so hard, yet my body was progressing so slowly, and I didn't think I could do this all day. I remember someone saying that my body was going to labor just how it needed to, and with that, I tried to find my patience within. With everyone's help, I regained my strength to continue on, and so I did.
Throughout the day, I tried so hard to resist this increasingly overwhelming urge to push, which just got harder and harder to control. I needed to look in M's eyes, and count over and over again. I kept being told to "try not to push", and I was trying, but I couldn't help it, my body was doing it. That was a bit frustrating for me to hear this from everyone repeatedly, and I probably voice my frustration more than a few times. I'm not sure what I did for coping other than counting wherever I was (and I was definitely mobile - standing in the bathroom, being on the toilet, on the bed, next to the bed, in the tub . . . though I do have some moments that I remember.
I remember sitting on the birth ball, leaning on my bed, with the birth assistant on my left side rubbing my arm just breathing. She had such a calming presence, and I felt less of a need to vocalize with her next to me. I remember at one point being in the bathroom with just Mike and C and having a Popsicle while laboring on the toilet. That was around noon, when my mom got to the house. The one and only time I saw her was when she came into the bathroom gave me a kiss, and told me she was so proud of me. I remember being in the bathroom with M and W next to me, leaning on the countertops, looking into M's eyes desperately while trying to count to distract myself from this incredible urge that was overtaking my body. At that point, I thought to myself that I have got to get to the hospital to have an epidural to stop myself from pushing - at that point, and once more later, were the only times the thoughts of transfer entered my mind. We were counting over and over from one to four, and during one contraction I said FU@*!! M said, "Let's go with that", but repeating that word when I thought I'd never want to do that again wasn't appealing, so we went back to counting.
Resisting this urge was the hardest thing physically and emotionally for me. I knew probably too much about the birth process, and kept thinking that I was going to get nowhere by how I was having to deal. I felt like in order to not push, I had to squeeze my bottom, but I also knew that by squeezing my bottom, I wasn't going to dilate the way my body needed to. I felt very much stuck between a rock and a hard place, but luckily I never thought to myself that I wasn't going to birth my baby - I just thought that maybe it would be at the hospital instead of home.
I was checked again sometime between 3 and 4pm, and was found to be 6 centimeters dilated. Another breakdown moment . . . 14 hours into labor, resisting the urge to push for over 4 hours, and I was only 6 centimeters?? I couldn't believe it. Emotionally, I was done. Physically, I was done. That was a moment of another good cry, which my midwife encouraged as I lay in bed feeling so defeated. I don't know what I said, or if I said anything, but I really had a hard time moving forward from there. What choice did I have though? The labor wasn't stopping until this baby was out, so I continued on.
C suggested that she give me something to help me relax for an hour, and then they try to power the baby out. I agreed, but did feel a bit uncomfortable about the "powering the baby out" part, but we'd cross that bridge when we got to it. I got into the tub at about 4 or 4:30pm while they gave me some nasty tasting drink to help me relax (homeopathy, not alcohol, though I could have used a drink by that point!). Boy, that was good stuff. I could feel the contractions, I could feel the urge, but my body couldn't push with the feeling. C said a couple of very empowering affirmations that I just grasped and repeated for the next hour. Through each contraction, I said, either "I am strong" or "Release the baby" to help me relax, and this was probably the most bearable time that I had had since about 11am.
After about an hour, they started dosing me with some more homeopathics to try to get my contractions going stronger and closer together. That, along with some nipple stimulation immediately got my contractions harder and closer together. I was worried at this point about uterine rupture because I knew the chances were greater when my labor was messed with, but at this point, I was exhausted and knew I needed to get the baby out. The urge to push came back fiercely at about that time, and C checked me and found me to be about 8 centimeters dilated. She manually tried to dilate me to complete while I pushed with my contractions, and WOW - it hurt! She also suggested breaking my water, which at that point was fine with me. After a bit more time, she had her birth assistant (senior midwife too) check me just to confirm what C thought was a lip, and the birth assistant said I could push past it.
I'm not sure why or how I ended up getting out of the tub to birth my baby. M later told me I was restless and said I wanted to get back in bed. Anyway, I pushed a couple of times on my side, and then Mike got behind me and I pushed semi-reclining until my baby was born. The feelings were so much more intense than I thought they'd be, and I was much louder than I thought I'd be. At one point, I remember saying (multiple times), "Guys, I'm done." And they would say, "Yes, you are almost done." But that's not what I meant. I meant I was done trying, and I thought to myself, how can I get myself out of bed, down the stairs, into the car, and to the hospital to have my baby, but that wasn't necessary.
Really, I was almost done, and after about an hour of pushing, I did it! I pushed my baby out! I couldn't believe it. I was ecstatic, and so relieved that it was over. I just kept saying, "WE DID IT!!!" with great pride and joy! I am so grateful for the support that I received, and for the belief that everyone had in me. The belief and confidence that others had in me and my body carried me through the times in labor when I didn't have confidence in myself, and that's just what I needed to birth this baby. And this is the biggest accomplishment of my life - I birthed my baby the way that God intended safely and comfortably in my own home! I wouldn't have it any other way!
Anonymous S's Story (elective c/s for macrosomia, VBAC with 12 pound baby)
Kmom's Notes: Doctors tend to be very scared by the thought of a big baby. They are afraid of the baby getting stuck (resulting in birth injuries or even death); they are also afraid of getting sued because these situations are often the source of litigation. While real, these problems are more common with the way doctors usually make women give birth---on their backs or sitting on their tailbones (thus reducing the size of their pelvic outlet), often with epidurals (which makes moms less able to move to help if a baby's shoulders do get stuck). This is a recipe for problems with a big baby, but doctors know no other way for women to give birth, or refuse to consider other alternatives.
Thus, when a baby is predicted to be big, most doctors pressure the mother into having an elective c-section in order to protect themselves from potential lawsuits. They also feel they are protecting the baby from possible injury, although most big babies are born without problems anyhow. Unfortunately, choosing an elective cesarean is trading one set of potential risks for another set of real risks, and forever increases the mother's risk for problems in future pregnancies.
This mother grows big babies. Her doctor pressured her into an elective c-section with her first, an 11 pound baby. With her second, she chose to go for a VBAC, even when expecting another big baby. She did have a VBAC, and one with a baby that almost a whole pound bigger than the baby she had the c/s for! In order to avoid the typical hospital management that increases the risk for shoulder dystocia, she stayed home, stayed mobile in labor, and labored without extraneous medications.
The mom did have a post-partum hemorrhage, probably due to a partial separation of the placenta. She chose to transfer to the hospital and get a transfusion in order to recover faster, but it was not a life-threatening situation. This combination of the flexibility of home care with the back-up of medical care when it is needed is why many advocates feel homebirth can be a safe and reasonable option for many women, including those with "macrosomic" babies.
She notes, "Two hours after the birth, I transferred to the hospital. Received 2 blood transfusions and was home within 24 hours. I would have been fine at home, but it would have taken a lot longer to recover. I felt fine but faint. I am the rare type of person that did not respond to IV fluids and IV pitocin given by my midwife at home and [by] the doctors at the hospital (a total of 11 hours of this at both locations with little change in my condition)." In this situation, hospital transfer and transfusion made sense and was accomplished with a minimum of fuss.
Birth Story
Monday morning...I woke up with very mild but regular contractions. They didn't hurt me, but made everything feel tight, including my back. I thought that I must be in early labor and was very excited. Two hours later, after I had called my midwife, the contractions stopped.
That night, again in the wee hours, I began again to have contractions. They were a bit stronger than the night before, and very mildly painful. I had also had a bit of bloody show the night before, so I knew that I would have the baby soon. I again called my midwife in the morning. She said to let her know when I had been having contractions 4-5 minutes apart for at least an hour. The contractions were only every 10 minutes apart. Then, during mid-morning, the contractions stopped again. I was again disappointed and began thinking that I was never going to have this baby. I had never been in labor before, and I started wondering if those were really contractions, although I knew they were. I knew from reading other birth stories that this was prodromal labor. I threw out my fantasies about having the quick birth that nobody arrives in time for.
[On Tuesday, the same pattern repeated.] I felt like I was in the movie, "Groundhog Day"...I spoke again with my midwife who was reassuring that everything was just fine, and to rest and eat well and keep hydrated. That night my doula came over to see me. She knew from talking to me that I was a bit distraught. I had a good cry and told her that I knew I was doing this, but I didn't want to keep doing this every night. I was so tired of being in labor and not having a baby. I wanted her opinion on how long this would go on, as she was also a midwife. She reassured me that my body was working, just slowly.
The next night (Wednesday) the contractions were a lot more intense and closer together. I spent another night on the rocking chair and getting little or no sleep. I was feeling very lonely being the only person awake in our dark house, with everyone asleep all over the neighborhood, and what seemed like the entire world. I felt very alone and I wasn't optimistic at all. I knew that my contractions would go away again, and they did.
That morning I had a scheduled prenatal appointment with my midwife. I had written in my birth plan that I didn't want any vaginal exams. The reason was that I didn't want to get discouraged if I was not as far dilated as I thought I was. However, once there, when she asked me if I wanted one, I agreed, since I wasn't actually "in labor" at the time. She told me I was already 4 cm dilated and that I was completely effaced. She told me that the baby would come soon and she also told me that when labors are slow like this, the baby will tell you why when they are born. She sent me home with blue and black cohosh for me to take after I had had a nap, if I wanted things to progress further.
We all went home and after a good nap I took the blue and black cohosh (yuck!!). It didn't do a thing but I did notice that my contractions slowed down even further. That night I didn't even go to bed because my contractions were about every 7-10 minutes and I didn't like to be touched during them, or be lying down (which seemed to make them even more painful). I spent the night in our spare bedroom laying in the bed and then jumping up during a contraction. I was able to fall asleep during the intervals though. Sometime around 6 in the morning, they finally got to 4-5 minutes apart and were such that I couldn't talk through them. I called my midwife and doula, who both said they were on their way.
My doula got there first and began setting up the birth tub. By the time my midwife got there, my contractions had again spaced out, but only to about every 6 minutes apart. She told me that she expected them to slow down even further, and for me to take advantage of the time by resting up and getting lots of protein and drinking lots of water. By this time, I was putting my daughter's cloth diapers in my underwear. During the contractions, my first reaction was to want to tighten up during them. But I knew that I should stay relaxed. Staying relaxed in my pelvic area caused me to pee during the contractions. I figured it was better to pee than to fight the contraction. She assured me that this was not that unusual, even though I had never heard of this.
She checked me and I was at 5 cm and the baby's head was still floaty. She said that as soon as my water broke things would get going. She does not ever break the waters artificially and I wasn't sure at that point whether I was happy about that or not. I remember just wanting the waters to break and telling the baby to break the water so he or she could be born. My midwife said she was going to go home and for me to call her again if things got moving. My doula stayed for a few hours, until my contractions did again slow down even further. She left with the birth tub full in the living room.
I spent the day sitting on towels, standing up and breathing through my contractions, which were quite intense. I had given up on the diapers and now just stood over a towel. I was drinking a lot and there was no shortage of pee when I had a contraction. My daughter (who has only been potty trained for about 6 months) was very interested in the fact that I was peeing on the floor instead of the potty. She knew that when I stood up I was going to have a contraction and pee on the floor. At about 3 that afternoon, my water finally broke and seemed to keep gushing and leaking for at least an hour. However, it didn't make my contractions any stronger. So much for that, I thought. By that time, though, I was in better spirits most of the day. I knew that things were progressing. I still had a few times when I cried to my husband that I couldn't do this another night. He said that he was going to stay up with me all night if he had to, so I wouldn't be alone----even if it meant he had to drink coffee all day long to keep up with our daughter.
Not five minutes after my daughter went to bed, at about 10:30 p.m., my contractions really hit me hard. They went from every 10-15 minutes apart to every 2-3 minutes apart, and much more intense. There was also not much time in between them. I told my husband to call my midwife and doula. While waiting for them to arrive, I felt like I had to have a bowel movement. The area in our bathroom where our toilet is situated is very small and I didn't feel I had enough room to sit comfortably. I was also afraid that I might push out the baby. I ended up standing in the bathtub with my husband reassuring me that if I went in the bathtub, it would be okay.
All of a sudden my lower back hurt terribly during the contractions. I had to have my husband press on my back really hard, while I rocked and moaned and breathed. In between he was racing around trying to get me a cold drink and a cloth for my head. We barely had time in between them, and I was thinking it was incredible that they were picking up so fast. My husband kept reassuring me that I was doing so well and he was so proud of me. I got to a point where I didn't know what to do to feel better during a contraction and I felt a bit panicky. He suggested the labor pool. I had been in it for a while during the afternoon but I thought it was too hot (it was July and the hottest days so far that year), but I agreed to try it. I stripped off my clothes and got in and it felt great. I closed my eyes and would squeeze my husband's hand and really moan during contractions.
I barely registered anyone else arriving but soon my doula and midwife were there. They immediately began holding my hands if my husband needed to step away. And when he was there she would put cold cloths on my head. They both kept me drinking cold Recharge and ice water. Most of the time I was holding onto both of them during contractions. I was holding on very hard. I was moving into positions that I would never be able to do on a normal day and on dry land. I remember hearing my midwife comment on these incredible positions I was going into. At the time, though, I remember feeling almost a sense of panic at some points, trying to do what I could to get out of the pain that the contractions were causing until they stopped. Whatever I was doing, the relaxing my pelvis, and the moaning, helped.
At some point I told everyone that I thought I was pushing. My midwife said that was fine if I felt like it. I asked her how long she thought it would be. She said that for first time moms (which I was considered since I had never been in labor before) that the average was two hours. I felt as if she had said two years, but I think I would have felt that way even if she said two minutes. The contractions were so close together that I felt like I was barely getting a rest in between. I had time to take a sip of a drink, look at my husband, before another one came. My midwife came over and knelt next to me and explained to me how best to push, from behind, not from the front, and at what point during the contraction. What she said made sense to me, and it did seem to help me push better. It felt better too.
After a while, my midwife asked if she could check me. I agreed, but was afraid she wouldn't have time to finish before another contraction hit me, and I was scared it would hurt too much if she was still there when a contraction came. She checked me and said I was at about an 8 with a little lip. She said that she could hold back the lip during a contraction and I could push through it if I wanted to. I said okay. This was extremely painful but I'm glad I did it. During that one contraction...I pushed as hard as I could and went from 8 to complete and the baby crowning.
At that point, my midwife leaned into the pool to help me. I was sort of squatting but then leaning back and holding onto my doula's hands very hard. My husband was also leaning in because he was going to catch the baby and hand the baby to me. The midwife told me to push only tiny pushes and grunts instead of big pushes. I don't think I did very well. I was able to make small grunts, but I feel like I wasn't able to slow down my pushes. I had one tear and I think this is from when it came. I felt like I was going to tear really bad. Luckily, I didn't.
When the baby's head came out, there was a rush of commotion. My husband kept telling me that our baby's head was out and to take a look. I didn't try too hard to look and I felt like I just wanted to get the baby the rest of the way out. When it came time to get the baby's body out, there was a cord around his shoulder and he also had what my midwife calls "sticky shoulders," so she leaned in and helped him out. She handed him to my husband, who handed him to me. I felt like for a little bit I was just trying to catch my breath. I was so happy that this baby was finally here. It felt a bit unreal. My husband came around beside me and we both held onto him and looked at his face for a while and kissed him. When he came out, he came out crying, he was not quiet at all. After a few minutes, we realized that we didn't know what sex he was, so we checked and were very surprised he was a boy. He was finally here, born at 2:25 a.m. on Saturday!
After the cord stopped pulsing, my midwife helped my husband to cut it. Then she told me I should get out of the tub. My husband took my son and my midwife and doula helped me out of the tub. Evidently I said something like, "I don't feel so good..." and then I fainted. The 3 midwives there pulled me up and out of the tub and onto the couch. I came to with the assistant calling my name and looking at me. I was not familiar with her face so I was very confused as to what was going on. I did begin to feel better but would go in and out of feeling good and feeling faint. I pushed out the placenta in a push and it didn't hurt like I was worried it would. I wasn't bleeding very much at all, but I continued to not feel very good. When my blood pressure didn't come back up, my midwife started an IV. During this time, I held my son and nursed him for at least an hour. He feel asleep and was very content. He also latched on right away, which was nice.
At least one more time I fainted while laying on the couch. Finally after I was on my third IV, my midwife told me that she thought it would be a good idea for me to go to transfer to the hospital since my blood pressure was so low and the IV wasn't making it come back up. I agreed and she called an ambulance. After she called, I felt better again and she told me that I didn't have to go if I didn't want to, but that the paramedics were still coming. She and her assistant got me into a shirt and found a blanket to cover me up. When the paramedics got there I was able to answer all of their questions and was very coherent and was feeling somewhat okay. Still, I opted to go to the hospital. My husband and doula were busy getting the baby ready to go. They also woke up our friends upstairs to come and stay with our daughter, who had slept through everything.
At the hospital, someone mentioned weighing my son. We knew he was big, because my midwife had told us she thought he was at least 10 pounds. She used the hospital's scale to weigh him and when she exclaimed, "TWELVE POUNDS!!" I practically burst into tears. My husband came over and was pretty overwhelmed too. I cried first out of happiness that I had such a big, healthy baby. But then I cried because he was bigger than my daughter, and I didn't have a cesarean, and that meant my cesarean with her was absolutely unnecessary. I had known this for a long time, but having proof was a bit overwhelming to me. It made me very sad for all that she and I missed out on for her birth, and angry at my OB for talking me into it. I never went into labor with her but had a cesarean on the advice of my OB, who felt she was too big to be born vaginally without shoulder dystocia. I was told even if her head fit, her shoulders would get stuck and she would have permanent arm damage. She weighed 11 pounds 5 ounces, much smaller than my 12 pound boy. It was at this point my midwife came over to me and hugged me and told me something that still makes me teary when I think about it. She said, "Don't let anyone ever tell you what you can't do."
Basically at the hospital for about 9 hours, they did the same thing that my midwife was doing, which was give me IVs and pitocin. I was not bleeding and they just couldn't figure out why I wasn't "bouncing back" from the blood loss at birth. Finally, I had to get two blood transfusions. I felt better almost immediately. I left early the next morning. Basically, what happened to me was that I most likely had a partial separation of the placenta right before my son was born, and I lost a lot of blood during the delivery. Not too much blood, but I seem to be someone that can't take any amount of blood loss. Anyone else, from what everyone has told me, would have been fine after an IV.
My son was able to stay with me at the hospital, as a guest, not as a patient. He was not admitted, so no one bothered me about taking his blood sugar and all of the things they did to my daughter when she was born. All o the nurses were surprised to learn that he was born vaginally and not by cesarean.
Even though I had to go to the hospital after my son's birth, I know homebirth was the best choice. I don't even care that I had to go, since his birth took place at home. It seems almost a different thing to me, and not at all connected with his birth. I also know that if I had delivered in the hospital, I still would have had the same thing happen. But in the hospital, I am certain that I would have had a repeat cesarean. First my labor kept starting and stopping and I would have been labeled "Failure To Progress" and given pitocin, and then I would have needed an epidural, and I don't for a second think I could have pushed out a 12 pound baby with an epidural. So, a cesarean. Second, there is no OB who would have "allowed" me to birth my son if they suspected he was as big as he was. So again, a cesarean.
I loved everything about this birth and I am so proud of it.
Pam K's Story (false gd diagnosis, induced for suspected macrosomia, c/s; postdates induction, c/s, home waterbirth VBA2C!)
Kmom's Notes: This is typical treatment for larger women in m